Cooler Than Me
by Twiddler83
Summary: Bella moved away from her sleepy little town and never looked back. Moving across country, she set out to make a name for herself. When a tattooed pedal pusher enters her world, she has no idea that he knows all about her prior life. When the secret comes out and she's faced with the people she's tried to forget, does she turn and run or does she take a chance? ExB E&BPOV Rated M
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy my new story! Gah! Uber nervous! **

**First let me thank my boo - Lolo84! I loves you hardcore for pre-reading for me and to my new Beta - who I'm super stoked to have SunflowerFran3759. She turned my useless errors into something pretty! Thank you girlies!  
Muah!  
**

**I plan on updating every Thursday? Work for you? Because it works for me!  
**

**So...here we go!**

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BPOV

I stare into my closet, trying to find my outfit for the day. I've tried on what seems like ten or twelve skirts with an array of tops, but nothing is fitting my juju this morning. I laugh at myself when I have the mantra in my head echoing that I have nothing to wear. _Sure! _I have a walk-in closet the size of a small child's bedroom and it's filled to the brim.

What seems like an hour later, I set myself up in simple black pencil skirt, a ruffled green top, and my tall as fuck heels. Then, I fluff my hair and make my way out the front door, securing my trench coat around me. Between oversleeping from my self-pity 'Bella doesn't get any' dream**, **as well as picking out my outfit for the day, I'm going to be late. _Hey, don't blame me, beauty takes time_. I honestly hate and despise being late. It gives my employees the impression that if the owner is late, they can slack off**;**and that is not the case by a long shot.

I run a tight ship and I'm a no-bullshit type of person; straightforward and to the point. I certainly don't beat around the bush. My employees know this and I expect them to be on top of their jobs at all times. I do not have one of the top design firms in the country due to laziness and non-caring employees. Not saying they would do that,but it goes along with the saying, 'you give them an inch, they will take three feet.' Nope, that's not how things can roll. We have so many different departments at Swan Designs, from party planning to art and design. We work with some of the most ostentatious artists out there,and they are fickle about every aspect. I've heard just about every complaint there is. From the frame color, or the type of paper we use, to even the way their artwork was handled - even the description plates for each piece comes down on us with placement and precision. Don't even get me started on the parties that we plan. You want to talk about fickle? Now, those people are fucking fickle. This is why I expect absolute greatness from my employees and insist that theytake the necessary strides to be the best. The more they mess up, the more money they cost the company. I've had employees quit more times than none. We work long hours, and if someone needs something at the drop of a hat, we do it. No questions asked. Our clients pay the bills and the paychecks.

I probably sound like an old lady that should be in her sixties, owning her own company, but I'm not. I'm an anal-retentive twenty-seven year old, dead set on not letting anything stand in my way. My last encounter with a man was over a year ago. Am I still bitter? Absolutely. He, meaning Garrett, did not understand the aspects of my life. My work is number one. Until you can fill that void, I will put my life first. Maybe that is not how things work to some, but in Isabella Swan's world, they do. My company is my life and I've built it from the ground up. Starting out at college with a passion for the arts, whether it be literature, living or breathing art, photography … whatever is considered. In college, I learned the ins and outs of a working gallery, while I was interning at one. Then I had an idea and switched to computer graphic design so that I would be able to take their art and make it brighter, lighter, and deeper, all with the stroke of a basic mouse click.

Garrett didn't understand the need to work long hours, or to be as invested with these galleries and artists as I was. In his words, 'it's not your art.' He wanted to be my number one and the best I could give him was the side of me that I show as a front. Yes, I'm a hard ass and I have a shell to crack, and it's hard to get through. But I'm really not as bad as some people think I am. I have a loving nature when I want to be, or when someone wants to invest themselves into getting to know me. But that has yet to happen, except with my girlfriends, and those nights out with them are a lot of fun. Especially when we let loose and things become a little wild.

_We need another one of those soon._

I've already made most of my dreams a reality, but there is always one that is in the back of my mind that hasn't been fulfilled. I want to be wanted, cherished and loved for who I am. I want the career and the happily ever after. And as of right now, it looks as if only one of those dreams may ever become a reality.

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**Thanks for reading! Xoxo Mandi**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ahh! Happy day! Thanks to everyone who added this story to your alerts and your reviews for the first chappy. Gah - those first chapters are a doozie for me. I hate them so much! Hopefully - for me - the chapters get better as we go. **

**A special shanks to my girly - lolo - bewbie gropes! And to the one and only SunflowerFran! She's like Harry Potter waving her magic mouse around making my shiz better! Muah! Thanks! And to my one of my loves - Missy for making my kick ass banner -MUAH! It's so lovable. I may hump it later! lol  
**

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BPOV

On the ride up in the elevator, I shrug off my trench coat ready to tackle the day ahead of me. I pull out my phone and check my emails on the way to get a head start on the debacle that was going to be my day.

There are gallery showings coming up and we have been frantically working for _Whitlock Arts_ for the past month.

Hearing the ding signaling the arrival to the floor of my office, I'm greeted by my one and only assistant, Emmett.

"Mornin,' sexy boss lady. You're late – nice outfit. It compliments …" he says motioning to my boobs with a tiger claw smiling at me while he applies his goopy lip gloss and sticks his hip out.

I give him a curt nod. "Yes, Emmett, I am aware of my tardiness. It's a fucked up morning and I really need my coffee. Where is it by the way? You know what, take that back? I need an I.V. – stat." I push my arm out waiting at him.

_Damnit, my insides are weeping for crushed coffee beans. I'm a coffee whore, sue me._

He laughs and places his gloss back in his pocket. "First of all, you're Grey's Anatomy obsession is making me regurgitate in my mouth. I mean, McDreamy and McSteamy – delicious – as for as the others," he makes a squishy face, "not so much. I still don't understand the whole 'Mc' innuendo they had to add. It's not like McDonald's is something to write home about. Now that is some ugly beef." He huffs, "But on to the important things. Your bean cream is sitting on your desk. I have already opened up your office computer and powered it up, soit's good to go. Also, I've laid out the files that you need today with post-its on them showing the times you have meetings as well as the deadlines that accompany them." He turns to head down the hallway to my office but not before blowing me kisses.

That's the thing I love about Emmett. He's on top of my shit. He's my personal little itinerary. We have a relationship that is like no other. He talks to me as if I am a great friend, which I would like to think I am. He's included in our girls nights, since he's like one of the girls. He tells me when I look like shit and will run out and buy something he deems acceptable. And I will tell him, at the drop of a hat,when he's being an annoying hag.

But he understands that when it comes to the company**,**he works, and he's fucking good at it. I've never missed a meeting or a deadline. I never see him write anything down as he states, 'I've got it all in the cranium.' And I trust him. He's never let me down.

We've tried to find him a man, but everyone that we find for him he rejects for one reason or another. Too tall, short, skinny, hairy, beefy – you name it, there's a problem with all of them. He's a picky ass.

_Well, I can't say I blame him. If someone was getting near my eye on America –they better be someone worth it. Ha! Sticking! _

I personally think he's riding that fence. Deep in my brain, he wants the best of both worlds. His family is still in denial, which I find 's Emmett for sake's alive. They just need to learn to call a spade a spade and live with it.

"Good morning, Ms. Denali," I say as I walk up to her desk. She's annoying as all shit, but she's another employee that is on top of things. As well as every male employee that will let her touch them with a ten foot pole, or their pole for that matter.

"Morning, Ms. Swan. Here are your messages and also the paperwork you needed ASAP this morning. I've already color coded then as to their importance as you go." I grab the stack from her and smile.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." I turn to walk to my office and I see Emmett standing in there looking at his ass in my full length mirror.

_Oh Jesus, it's going to be one of those days._

Pushing through my door, Emmett assaults me with questions, "how does my ass look in these jeans? I just bought them and I can't really tell if it flattens it or if it perks it up. I want perky." He frowns as he tries to get another good look at his behind. I twirl my finger as he spins around with jazz hands.

_Fucking A … not the hands._

"Looks good, not too flat but not too tight either." I finish, making my way to my desk.

"Good." He nods and claps, "Let's get this day started. I have a feeling it's going to be a good one. Plus, I have this hot date tonight." He does his Oliver Twist move and trots off to his desk.

_Oh, if I had any idea when I woke up this morning what kind of day this was going to be, I would have gone back to bed without any hesitation._

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**Thanks for reading ... would y'all like some rec's? These stories right now - let's just say I'm loving!****  
**

_**He shoots, she scores - WitchyVampireGirl This story started out as a one-shot that I FLOVED! She decided to make into a full length, and I have no words - it's Hockeyward ... need I say more? It's about to be a party in your panties. If you haven't checked it out, PLEASE go ... run ... tell her I sent ya over. Make sure you throw some streamers!**__**  
**_

_**Drenched - by CullensTwiMistress - This little drabble babble ... so good. Your heart kinda aches for Eddie-son ya know! She's got a couple stories actually that are going on ... as well as A Life Less Ordinary! I will never love glitter and turkeys as much as in this story! GLITTER!  
**_

_**And last but not least...  
**_

_**No One Special - by Mathisson - I'm usually not into this type of Bella - but damn ... I'm hooked!  
**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone! Yes, this is Sunday - and I decided to throw out an extra chapter. Why? Because I had an uber shitty day, that's why so I decided to post to make myself feel better after my computer is in heaven now and major stuff was lost - but could be saved if my IT loving friend can save it! *fingers crossed lovelies* **

**Sooo - thanks to the usual people who helped this chapter along...Jen - LOLO - MUAH and hugs to you!**

**Oh...and before I forget - SM owns Eddie and Beller - I just own her snarky ass and his crazy pedaling skills!**

**Thanks for all the reviews and the alerts! Mad love I tell ya - mad love!**

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BPOV

Finally having the paperwork in hand, it's ready to be finalized as well as the prints we've done for Whitlock that our Graphic Department finished up about an hour ago.

I move around Tanya's desk and I'm greeted with a whole shit ton of paperwork sitting in the 'to be delivered' basket. Not one thing touched, nor moved.

"Emmett, have you seen Mike?" I yell as I move my way back down the hallway towards him.

I see him frantically typing away on his computer with his phone to his ear. He looks over at me and gives me a weary smile and holds up his finger. I also notice that Tanya is running around acting like a chicken with her head cut off as she's asking everyone the same question, resulting in a lot of head shakes.

I pull up my bitch brow wanting to know what the fuck is going on. Where is that little pecker head at? He's always here in the mornings waiting for the shit to hit as we need crap to be delivered and a bike messenger is really the quickest way to get important documents there in time.

We tried a courier service before and they blew donkey nuts. It took them hours to get to the destinations due to the amount of traffic in the city.

_Welcome to New York._

"Emmett, where the hell is Mike? I want a damn answer – now!" I yell as I see him hang up the phone and he grabs my hand and pulls me into my office.

"Um …. Tanya had tried to get a hold of him and when she finally did – he said he was quitting or has quit. Apparently he said that you and I quote, 'worked him harder than a whore on nickel night, and was fucking sick of it.' I know this is leaving you in a bind, and we are trying to pull connections together to find a new messenger," he says in a rushed voice.

I'm fuming at the thought of that little shit bailing on us. I mean, really? He knew what today entailed, a hot mess of shit that has deadlines today.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" I scream. I notice the office goes silent as I walk over to the door, "Ms. Denali, I need you in here now. Angela, cover for her while she's away," I yell turning to go sit behind my desk. "I even gave him health insurance. I mean what messenger has health insurance?" I shake my head and mumble to myself.

I see Tanya running down the hallway in six-inch heels, "I'm impressed, Ms. Denali. If I tried to run in heels I would have fell flat on my ass," I say nodding and turning to look out the window.

"How are we going to fix this? Emmett do you have a bike? Can you pedal your spaghetti ass around the city today?" I spin in my chair looking at him.

He shakes his head as I turn to Tanya and she looks like a deer caught in the headlights as she quickly shakes her head at me. "The only bike I ride, Ms. Swan, is at the gym," she says looking at the floor.

"This shit needs to be delivered today people. Those contracts and prints were to be out that door five minutes ago," I say starting to internally panic.

_Where the holy hell are my bagels?_

"Plus, where the fuck is that bagel guy … what's his name … Peter or whatever." I look to Emmett and Tanya.

I'm pretty sure it's Peter. I always found the irony in his name, Peter – like cock – and he sells bagels. Little bakery items with holes in them. It shouldn't be that hard for me to remember. _Jesus, I crack myself up sometimes or I have cock on my brain way too much. _

_I'm going to go with the latter._

"He's not coming in today, called to say he's not feeling well." She answers and I nod my head. I don't want someone being all sickly in here delivering food. "We won't be charged for his delivery tomorrow."

_Nasty!_

We hear Emmett's phone ring and watch him run out to his desk and answer it.

I don't hear anything, but I notice a lot of head bobbing, hands flailing and fist pumps into the air.

Turning to walk back in, Emmett has a shit eating grin on his face.

"I got someone. He'll be here as soon as he can."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Sooo...who's ready for almost 1700 words of Edward's goodness? *raises hand* I am! Also, if you follow me on FB - you should know all about what I'm calling 'laptop-a-gate.' In other words - my other half crashed and burned my computer which - in turn - is currently holding hostage the majority of this story! My friend could not data retrieve my files, so from the next chapter on ... I will be trying to remember and flying by the seat of my britches! I'm going to TRY and keep up with the promised every Thursday updates and the occasional 'whenever I get a tickle in my ass' with extra posts. Sooo ... if you could ... please hang with me! **_

_**Muah loves for all the reviews and alerts!**_

_**Special thanks to my Lolo - Jen - and sunflower! you all warm my bitty heart! **_

_**Let's roll peeps!**_

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EPOV

"Damn!"

_Dodging downtown traffic is a bitch. _

Blaring car horns, pedestrians yelling at me, bobbing and weaving every chance I get, grabbing onto the back of cars to make my way quicker to my destination - almost running people over and the onslaught of endless idiots is a common everyday occurrence for me.

But it is what it is cause I'm a bike messenger - doing the grunt work for important companies because there is really no one else to do it. I never planned on becoming one, but coming from the small town I'm from and trying to make it in a huge city, there is really not much else for me to do and there is no turning back for me.

There's nothing left for me there, except my parents. No friends – no life really. That's why when the chance came for me to decide, I moved. Nobody really knew me because they didn't take the time to. I was the geeky kid that had pimples all over, huge glasses and always had my head in a book. It was art books to be exact, but yeah – nobody gave a shit unless it was to pick on me. I nabbed a scholarship for art that moved me all the way here, New York and I really have no desire to go back to that shit-tastic town. But there is one thing that I do regret, but now I have to live with it. If I only had the nerve to push through with it, things may have been different, but I highly doubt it would have made a difference.

There was one person in high school I wished would turn my way and actually look at me for me, but she was a popular kid, always had friends around, constantly laughing and joking. Why anyone like her would be seen with the likes of me, I don't know but I still hoped for that one chance. I never got it.

Everyone called me 'CT' back then doing major damage to my already beaten ego. 'CT' standing for crazy tourist because I always had my camera on me taking pictures of shit. My dream was and will always be art, but as of right now, pedaling is my life just like how my bike is my best friend.

It will probably stay that way until someone takes a chance on me and turns my life around.

Not saying that I hate my life, I fucking love it.

I have a studio apartment, it's small, but it fits me. Sure - it's a little on the 'bachelor living' side, but I did it myself. I bought all my shit from second-hand stores except my bed, because that's just fucking creepy. Yes, I know it's a weird phobia, considering people sleep in hotel beds all the time. And those are for sure used as all get out, but no. _Not for me_. Well, hold on, it wasn't entirely all by myself – I had a lot of help from my grandparents when I graduated from High School. They gave me ten grand and told me to go do what I loved and what I needed to do before I buckled down and started college. I packed up my clothes, bought a plane ticket, searched for apartments online and I've never stepped foot back in Washington. From the time my parents dropped me off at the airport in Seattle, even though I did have my parents ship me my dark room equipment, I've had very little contact with them. They don't approve of the decisions I've made in my life, or the career path I've taken. My dad thinks I'm foolish to believe I can make it as an artist, and my mother – well – she just wanted me to stay close, get married and have grandbabies.

_That right there is enough to scare anyone away._

Back to the topic and in other words, what's mine is mine, just like this life I'm living right now. Nobody here knows my past, only my present. I have friends here that I've met in college, at bars and in passing, some that are also pedal pushers like me. It's a lot more than what I had back then. It's been nine years since I graduated, you would think that the wounds would be healed. But they aren't, not yet. I know they will be one day. I have already grown into my own though there are just some things that are hard to let go of.

I know I don't enjoy the stuffy-ness that you get when you live in New York. Some women will eat you up here. Young, attractive and out-going men are what they are looking for. The no strings attached type. Most of them are lonely. Their husbands, always gone away on business trips around the world, and the wives tired of shopping looking for a little excitement in their dim existence. _Eh, to each their own._

I like to call it cougar hunting, and those crazy ladies pull out all the stops. They are like vultures with lipstick and fake eyelashes, and unfortunately I've been caught before – a few years after I moved here. I fell into a rhythm of making myself better, putting myself out there a little bit, removing my head from the books in college and living life a little bit. I didn't realize running through the park you would be hunted and stalked within an inch of your life. That's where I met Leah…yeah - Leah. She was quite the actress let me tell ya. She decided to fall right in front of me and as I leaned down to help her, that's where our little relationship took off. She was the first woman who took an interest in me.

Things were good, I mean really good. She wasn't pushy and let me lead. She didn't expect phone calls all the time, which was awesome because studying and college term papers are excruciating in the last year. I thought she loved me, she told me numerous times when we fucked or made love. I thought I really felt something with her. I noticed a pattern though; she would only call early in the mornings or late in the evening – always in hushed whispers. The last time I heard from her, it was a day that broke my heart. She called me one evening and the only thing I heard on the other end of the phone was, 'I'm so sorry,' and she hung up. Confused, I called her back numerous times when I heard a knock at my door. I answered it, not bothering to check who it was, and I was greeted with a huge man with an iron fist connecting with my face. He started yelling and screaming at me to stay away from his wife and his children's mother, and asking how I could come in between a happy family. When he was done with beating my body and face to a pulp, he left, softly shutting my door as he left.

As I lay there, unable to open my eyes, I realized how fucked up the whole situation was. She lied to me. Leah used me for her own self enjoyment and took away something I could never get back; all the while I thought she fucking felt something for me, and again I got burned. She's a manipulative bitch.

I had seen her a couple of times after that – the coffee shop that I stop by all the time. I brushed her off when she tried to talk to me, and I always ignored her. I had nothing but hate for her in my heart and I wore that shit on my sleeve.

After that, I was really conscious of the girls I went out with. I had trust issues, and who wouldn't after getting pounded on by the 'so called' husband. I fucked around a lot. Never giving girls my real name and it was always at their place – never at mine. I couldn't risk having that crap being done to me again.

My cell phone pulls me out of my thoughts, as I stop and look at the screen. I press the ignore button and send the call to voicemail. As I pull the pedal up and start to push-off again, continuing on my merry way, I feel it buzzing again. I finally pick up a little agitated. I mean can't these people wait a fucking minute?

"Hey, this is Edward."

"Edward," Emmett greets me frantically through the speaker.

"What's up man?" I ask. "You sound stressed dude, calm down."

I hear him take a deep breath, "No, no calming down. Are you busy; because we are in a pickle – a huge pickle – you know the ones that you get in that plastic bag at the stores…?" I finally have to cut him off because I swear he's going to pass out if something or someone doesn't stop him quickly.

"Dude, it's cool. What do you need?" I ask him already looking around like I'm looking for Waldo.

"I need you, here, where I work." He says quickly.

"And where is that?" I reply back wanting him to get the point already.

"Swan Designs, we need a messenger. The previous one quit today. He was outta here quicker than a fart in the wind. If someone isn't here quick, she's going to go bat shit crazy. Trust me – you don't want to see bat shit crazy."

I stopped listening after he said the name, Swan.

There's no way it can be the same. No way in fucking hell she's here.

I take a deep breath with a hundred thoughts running like wild banshee in my head, "I'll be there as soon as I can, Emmett. Don't freak."

_I swear he's a fucking spaz. Always getting his make-believe girly bits in a bind._

I hang up the phone, not knowing that within ten minutes, my life is about to be turned upside down.

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**_Thanks for reading! MUAH! until next time!_**


	5. Chapter 5

BPOV

Ten minutes have slowly crept by and I finally get a call from Tanya informing me that the possible new messenger has arrived.

As I thank her and end the call, I take a much needed breath hoping on all things holy that he works out. If he doesn't, it looks like I will have to pedal my happy ass all around New York. I refuse to have my company look bad just because that jackass decided to quit without any notice. If I have to, I'll whip out my wind pants from the nineties, damnit I will!

_Hey, no judging - you know you have a pair. I'm not ashamed. _

I straighten out my shirt and skirt; take a look in the mirror as I head out my door and down the hallway to greet this pedal monkey. As I round the corner to greet him, I stop short… taking in this fine specimen, of what God likes to call – a man. I'm stunned to say the least.

He has shaggy hair that sticks up six ways from Sunday, and he is wearing a Henley shirt that's pushed up to his elbows showing off his art. And I must say – I'm secretly a sucker for a man who is covered in beautiful art; and from what I can visibly see, it is beautiful. The backpack that hangs off his shoulder is accompanied by a camera that is slung across his torso. As my eyes travel further down, I notice his fuck–hot Dickie khakis that have one side rolled up, showing off a Viking symbol tattooed on the back part of his calf muscle.

_Hmm … where there is a will, there is a way. Impressive. _

My heel scraps against the tile when I moved to get a look at his shoes; he immediately turns towards me pulling me back from my internal analysis.

I really wanted to see his shoes. _You can tell a lot about a man by their shoes_.

Trying not to act embarrassed at the obvious gawking, I look up at him. "Good morning, I'm Isabella Swan." I walk towards him with my hand extended.

"Mornin', I'm Edward," he says, nonchalantly taking my hand in his callused one. He has a shy smile, but for me this day has really been nothing to smile about. But I do need him, so I smile back the best smile I can muster up at this time.

"If you could please follow me … we can get down to what this job would entail for you and what we need from you as far as your services go," I say, spinning on my heel and leading him back in the direction I came from.

Pushing my door open a little further, I allow him to enter first, and I follow him, "please have a seat. Make yourself comfortable. Would you like something to drink?" I ask him and he nods as I move to my little fridge and pull out a bottle of water.

I hand it to him as I hear a mumbled 'thanks' come out his mouth, as he twists the cap and takes a huge pull from the water.

I'm completely in a trance by watching his Adam's apple move up and down with each swallow. Pulling myself away from the eye-fuck fest, I notice a bike tire propped up to the seat next to him. I raise an eyebrow, and I guess he notices my internal question of why the fuck a bike tire is in my office.

"It's so nobody runs off with it. My bike is my life, literally," he says as he looks right at me. "What can I do for you Ms. Swan? Emmett said that you were in dire need of someone today."

I nod. "Yes, Edward. This would more than likely become a permanent position if you chose to take it. We have important clients and it's imperative that they receive their documents in a timely manner. Our old messenger quit abruptly this morning, and well, it certainly left us in a pickle. I expect the deliveries to be prompt**, **and for them to arrive in the condition they were in when they left this building. These deliveries are our client's hard work and for them to be damaged in any way would make my company lose their trust in our abilities." I say, taking a breath. "You will be well compensated for your time and foot work. I will also offer you insurance if need be, and repairs that might be necessary in the event of damage to your mode of transportation." I finish**, **finally looking at him directly in the eye.

_And they're so pretty – blue, almost grey._

"Does this sound like a fair opportunity Mr. …?"

I notice him shift in his chair, "Cullen, my last name is Cullen."

_Where in the holy hell have I heard that name before? It sounds eerily familiar._

"All right then, does this sound fair so far Mr. Cullen?" I need this guy. Bad.

_Maybe in more ways than one – wait – NO! _

Suddenly Michael Jackson is singing 'Bad' in my head. I tell my psycho self this is not the time, nor the place. This man makes me want to do a crotch grab, throw in some pelvic thrusts, and high kick into a spin for no reason.

_It could be because you can tell you make him nervous. You controlling freak!_

Pulling myself out of my musings, I notice that he's talking. _Whoops!_

"Can we talk price now? Since I would be at your beck and call Ms. Swan, my other clients are going to suffer. But seeing as you're offering quite a bit more, I would like to know the green part of the deal," he says pulling his arms from the side of the chair to place them on his knees in front of him.

"You will make anywhere from twenty to twenty-five deliveries every day. Sometimes more, sometimes less depending on the client load. Summertime is a huge season for us. Parties, gallery showings, extravaganzas … you name it. Those events usually have our name associated with the design." Taking a deep breath, I continue, "You will make fifty dollars per delivery, depending on how they are delivered. If they are destroyed, it will come out of your paycheck. Doing the math of the deal, you could make in range of fifteen hundred dollars a day, more than likely**, **guaranteed. As far as the health care that is covered by us, we can't afford to have one of the most valuable people getting ill." I nod and look at him.

"You would be one of the best paid messengers in this city Mr. Cullen. I will work you hard and I'm going to let you know that right now. I'm a tough person business person and I expect nothing but the best from my employees. We all give one hundred percent to our work here. If you think you can handle the pressure and the workload, let's get the show on the road. I'll give you a few minutes to yourself to mentally decide if you want to be a part of _Swan Designs_."

I walk around my desk on my way out the door, trying to give him some time to think about the opportunity that has been laid out in front of him. As I pass by his chair, I feel his hand gently grab my arm, stopping my departure.

"Where do I sign?"

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_**As always - Thank you for the reviews and alerts! Also - a big fat thanks to SunflowerFran and Jen - and not only my LoLo84... mucho love-o ladies! Gah! you're the best! **_

_**Hope to see you next Thursday!**_


	6. Chapter 6

_*pokes head in* It's Thursday! So that means, Pedalward and Indep-ella are back! Thanks for reviews and alerts *blows raspberry kisses* love them! If I didn't get around to replying - I apologize! Somehow my inbox shifted them somewhere into cyberspace. So - I promise to reply back to them this round. I will not let g-mail beat me! As always thanks to the peeps, SunflowerFran - Jen - Lolo. Mucho huggos! _

_So let's get on with it shall we? Oh and SM owns the love birds in her books - but my Edward owns a camera - and Bella - well she owns herself. LOL _

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BPOV

I stand there for a minute, looking at the hand that's placed on my arm. He's touching me, like holding me, and for some reason – I like it. But I must remain professional. I cannot have anything fucking this up, even though it's messing with my head.

"Mr. Cullen, we don't do inner company contracts here. We go by a good honest handshake and the trust that your word is good. I have no value in anyone if I cannot trust their word. If you say you're going to do something, do it."

It was something my father always believed in - a man was only as good as his word. Maybe people think that I put too much trust into the common ordinary person, but to me, I live by the philosophy of my father. Even though the faith and trust I had for my parents at one time is non-existent and probably will always be. After I found out the little plan to better themselves with the possibility of their daughter becoming a small town socialite, practically arranging a marriage for me - I became very distant. I mean, who in God's name has arranged marriages anymore? _Um … hello – Nobody! _So, unless they Google my name, they will really never know anything about me. Yes, they do call, but I never answer. That's what voicemail is for, and they have come to know it quite well.

_Whoever invented that – needs a Nobel Peace Prize._

I know it sounds completely harsh and self-absorbed, but it is what it is. I could just about imagine what they would think now. They would most certainly use it to their advantage – but I refuse for them to use me anymore. I personally do not like the thought of my parents being brought up, even if it's just in my head. They are bad juju. Enough said.

"Well, you got yourself a deal then Ms. Swan. When do I start?" he asks grabbing his bike tire off my chair.

_Thank god. I'm going to have Emmett clean that after he leaves._

"Well before we start this _marvelous _journey, I need your basic information, as well as your contact information and available phone numbers where we can reach you. You will find out from Emmett what time I need you to be here in the mornings, as well as anything that comes up that is an emergency." I pull out stacks of paperwork for him to fill out.

_Would it be immature of me to prank call him just to hear his voice say, 'hello'?_

He nods, pulling out a pen from under his shirt, and signs the paperwork. Before too long, he's standing here staring at me and it's a little unnerving.

Even when he holds a pen, this man is sexy! God, long fingers working in an effort to complete the pages that have I laid before him, _Oh Jesus!_

I successfully clear my head from my self-induced _ink _fog, before it gets me in anymore trouble. My head is a scary place sometimes. But what can I do when I have a sexy man sitting in front of me with calves of steel, tattoos that are begging to be licked, and hair that's begging to be pulled?

Clearing my throat, "First task of the day, I need this paperwork to get to Whitlock – an hour ago. Do you know the address?" I ask him and he nods, "Well, you start now Mr. Cullen, and you're not done till the last item is out the door."

"Pedal like the fucking wind, Bullseye," I say to him over my shoulder.

He's already out my door as I feel as if I should – you know – welcome him to the crew.

Rushing to my door, "Mr. Cullen, welcome to this crazy house, I hope you find working for me an experience." I muster up a smile to him even though I'm stressed the fuck out.

He runs back over to me and sticks out his hand for me to shake, "I'm sure it will be Ms. Swan. I'm sure it will." I notice he's holding my hand a little too long for a normal greeting, and I take a look down at our conjoined hands. He quickly pulls his away and turns on his heel with a smile gracing his pretty little face.

Before I know it, I'm standing there and everyone is looking at me.

"Back to work people, we have shit to do," waving my hand around in the air.

_I really hope this guy works out. I can't afford to waste any more of my time. Plus, he's nice to look at._

Holding my hand out, Emmett is there with my vat of hand sanitizer squirting it on my hand. As quickly as I can, I rub that shit in to get the germs off. You never know where someone's hands have been.

"Thanks Emmett. You always know what I need at the right time. I'm not going to congratulate you just yet, but in the meantime … good job on having a friend." I smile at him and pat him on the back.

"You know what you really need? You really need a good …" I quickly cut him off with a look. I really do not need Emmett to remind me of my unfamiliar sex life, is really nonexistent at this time.

_Fucking douche._

I spin around and walk back to my desk to begin working on the next set of documents that's laid out in front of me.

I pick up my pen, tapping it on my desk in front of me. Ahhh, the _Turner_ _Party_.

_Bleh._

James Turner, now there is a creeper if I've ever seen one. He always asks for me to plan his gala and I swear the man can strip a woman with his eyeballs. On more than one occasion he has rendered me speechless by his little unsubtle hints that he wanted into my pants.

I always need a mint afterwards because I throw up in my mouth; but I'm still able to place a smile on my face. The nasty part of it is, his wife, well she's something else for a whole different time and place.

Have you ever seen those ladies that have had so much plastic surgery that their face looks like it's been hanging out of a convertible – going Mach speed? Well, I would like to introduce ya to the spokesperson on plastic surgeries gone wrong. Why someone would pay for that shit-storm they call a face – I'll never know. She even had the nerve to ask me who my plastic surgeon was because she stated that she couldn't even tell I had work done, it looked so natural.

_Negative ghostwriter. This face has never had a drive-by, Crazy lady. _

But really, it's neither here nor there. They always return to us for the planning and the design of their parties, and this year - he's wanting a prestigious masquerade gala for his daughters' eighteenth birthday. I mean really, does an eighteen year old really give two shits about her initials on napkins? I remember the only idea I gave a shit about was a one way ticket out of that place. But I guess I wasn't catered to by my parents, nor was I born into the lap of luxury.

As I start going over the finer details, such as place settings, table décor, lighting and other odds and ends that are to be added, there is a knock at my door.

"Enter," I say not looking up from the shit storm in front of me.

"Ms. Swan, I'm back. What else do I need to do?"

It's Edward again, and not realizing the time, he's back really fucking fast.

Smiling at him, happy with his promptness and quickness, I answer, "You can find other deliveries with Ms. Denali up front. No need to check with me."

"She's not up there, so that's why I came back here." He says jerking his thumb over his shoulder.

"Well Emmett can help you." I say only lifting my eyes slightly.

"He's not out there either; I'm guessing he's at lunch or something." I see him turn slightly to see if Emmett is really there or not.

_Damn him for not offering to get me something. If he did indeed step out for lunch, I hope food poisoning sets in and he won't be able to go out on his 'little' date tonight. _

Huffing, I stand and make my way up to her desk, and ask who is covering Ms. Denali while she is away, and as always, nobody answers.

"As you can see Mr. Cullen, this is your section right here." I point and make my way over the side of her desk. "The places you need to go, people you need to see, and all the other information is all labeled here on the paperwork for you." I point to the stack of stuff that has sufficiently grown in size already. "Please make sure you retrieve a signature when making the drop offs. This also ensures us that they have already received the items at the specified time."

I feel him reach around me to grab a tube of prints off of the stack as well as the stack of manila envelopes. My pulse races at the closeness of his body.

_I really need a peen at this moment. It's really bad when your vag is clawing its way up your body to smack you in the back of your head. _

"Thanks Ms. Swan," winking at me as he stuffs his backpack full of the items.

As he turns to leave, he calls back to me over his shoulder.

"You can call me Edward you know."

I give him the cheesiest smile I can muster, "Have a good one, Mr. Cullen."

He laughs as he enters the stairwell, and I take a much needed breath.

I feel Emmett walk up behind me, "I bet someone is feeling a little tickle in the panties," whispering in my ear.

"And you need to get back to work, Emmett. Don't you have post-its to categorize in the supply closet? And where the hell were you five minutes ago?"

He simply shrugs as he twirls, skipping back to his desk.

_Fucker! He just had to get that out today - like every day … oh well, some things never change!_

* * *

_As always! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Mad luv - Also! hehe! A lot of you are asking when is she going to realize where she knows him from? Well...let me just say this...it's a slow burn. This is not a story where they meet, fall in love, bone, and then get married all in the span of 2 chapters. Sorry! That's not how I cook with Crisco. We will get to it I promise! Have a little faith in me *winks*_


	7. Chapter 7

**_It's Thursday!_**

**_A special thanks to SunflowerFran - you're a rock star!_**

**_And a HUGE thanks to my lovely - Witchywoman! Without your red pen (which by the way, I owe her a new one because all the ink ran out) this would have been placed in the potty for immediate disposal!_**

**_Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed and alerted this story! It warms my grinchy soul to see mad love in my box!_**

**_So... everyone ready to find out what our Pedalward is thinking?_**

* * *

I've been craving a deli sandwich all day, and so I decide to stop by my favorite shop and order up a large one. Considering that I'm going to be on my bike all day, it's better to stop while I have the time. As I stuff it into my pack, I make my way down the street to get a coffee. Ordering up my usual, I grab a seat outside. It's a nice spring day with a warm breeze blowing and I'm going to try to enjoy it. Sitting down, I tear open the plastic wrap that is separating me from my sandwich. And I take a bite, moaning as it hits the spot that was missing. _So fucking good._

I check the messages on my phone; they range from friends wanting to get together this weekend, to a voicemail from my parents asking the usual; how I am and how things are going. They always wonder how I am, being alone in a city that is foreign to them and wondering if I'm making it well enough to survive. My mother's voice that comes across the phone is always comforting; it makes me feel like I do have something to look forward to. I've always wanted them to be proud of me and of what I'm trying accomplish. Yet, my mother is always asking if I've struck it big yet, and I know she's always in my corner.

But the past two weeks have been rough.

First and foremost, finding Bella. Who would have thought, out of all places in this world, she would be practically right next door to me? I believe in Kismet, and I'm certain this is what it is.

She has grown so much, no longer the girl that I remember in high school. She's _more._ She's sophisticated, mature – finally standing up for herself, time has been good to her in more ways than one. The bubbly girl who used to fill my thoughts wasn't the beautiful lady that was before me. I can tell she's gentle around the edges even though she pushes towards a front that is aggressive and blunt. When I looked into her eyes, I saw the power and drive she had grown accustom to, but I'd also seen the hurt – the longing.

I want to capture it, learn it, and commit to memory with a single flash of my camera.

Taking a sip from my cup, I continue to think back to that first meeting with her.

Coming face to face after so many years, there were absolutely no words. I knew it was her, my Bella. I felt her drink me in, as my body refused to listen to my brain and turn around, too nervous to look at her. When I finally did, I was completely surprised and caught off guard by what I noticed.

The t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers were gone. They had been replaced by clothes that didn't look right on her. Yes, I knew it was a must with the position she carried. But this wasn't her. I didn't know why I was expecting the girl I remembered in high school. She carried herself with a prestigious manner as we made our introductions. Her beauty was always deeper than what was shown on the outside. When her hand touched mine, it was if a time bomb went off. Even though I lusted after her for so many years, this was the first time I had actually ever touched Bella Swan. I wanted to cherish it. At that moment, I would take whatever she was offering. Unless it was cleaning shitters, because I wasn't going to do that, even for Bella.

When we walked back to her office that day, I was scared shitless. I was apprehensive that maybe, all of a sudden, she would recognize me for the crummy kid I once was. The embarrassment of the school, the pimply kid that always sat by alone in the lunch room, and the one they would throw pepperoni on pizza day. I was subjected to an endless count of jokes and sneers that were always thrown at me. Though Bella was never cruel, I'm sure she heard things from other people. But not once did she ever speak to me or even look at me.

When the realization hit that I was actually listening to her, I was sitting there and she was talking in such an affirmative tone demanding my attention, and she had it. What she didn't know, she was finally giving me something I always wanted, speaking directly to me for the first time in my life. When she offered me the job to be her pedal bitch, the only thought I had in my mind was that I was going to be able to see her every day. I was going to speak with her, touch her, and just getting to be in her presence. I couldn't and wouldn't let something like that slip away.

When I stuck my hand out and reached for her, she didn't flinch or look disgusted. I saw pure desire in her eyes, and I'm sure mine mirrored hers. I noticed the way her hazel eyes darkened a shade or two when she looked at me, even when I spun around and looked at her for the first time at the front desk. She was the first true woman I wanted, but she kept her control.

If she only knew the truth about how long I have wanted her. Hell, I _still_ wanted her …and there she was, in front of me, and I couldn't have been any happier.

It was an added bonus that the salary was fantastic and it was going to allow me to purchase the upgrades and be able improve my photography. But, the opportunity to see her smiling face every day, I knew it was going to be worth the achy muscles and fatigue.

When she said that she would push me hard, I had no idea what she really meant. I really didn't care. I was willing to take the grunt work. I want to make her proud. And if, for some reason she does remember, I wanted her thoughts of me to be of the here and now, not the kid I was back then. The first week that went by, I didn't know what to think. Emmett would call at the ass crack of dawn, saying I needed to be at the office at such and such time. Then there were the piles of shit I had to carry in my pack. I tried to make as many runs as I could at one time, hoping the never-ending pile would have to quit sometimes. But it never did. It made me realize how truly busy she was.

I found out later from Emmett, that Bella was a bit of a stick in the mud. She didn't really have any sort of life. This business consumed her and therefore a relationship was never in the horizon.

I also learned once you grabbed a couple of drinks with Emmett, he turned into an open book. He was the apparent gossip queen of the century. He told me everything about everyone. It was during one of those many chats were I slowly found out more about her.

From the boyfriends that never lasted, to the weekends that she spends alone either at her office or shacked up in her apartment reading the classics. She also loved to spend time at the park, or in some coffee shop. I was surprised to discover it was the one I went to all the time.

_I'm still trying to figure out how I never saw her all this time_.

I would have to admit; I've been at the coffee shop and the park more in the past couple of weeks, than I have ever been. I've seen her there, but never approached her. She looked serene and at peace. Her face held no worried frown lines, or scrunched up distasteful expressions to mark her calm features. She just showed pure contentment. I made sure to catch those moments with film. One day in the coffee shop where I had slipped in undetected, I watched the way she would read something and sigh, look out the window for a moment, and return back to the page. I snapped a couple of frames, being careful to also be discrete. I wanted to capture those moments where she looked relaxed and carefree.

Emmett said that he had tried time and time again to get her out of that apartment. But the only time she would was when it's a planned event with her girlfriends. It seems to me that unless it's raining or freezing, she actually does enjoy being outside of four walls. I knew Emmett cared about those closest to him, and I could tell the effect Bella had on him by the way he spoke so highly of her. He just wanted her to loosen up and be happy no matter how it was achieved. Deep down I hoped the person to help her be happy was me.

I just wish I would have that opportunity one day to be close to her. I know I sound like a fucking creeper and shit, but hell what am I supposed to think? When the one person you wanted most steps back into your life, you want it; and I do want it, now more than ever. These past couple of weeks that I've spent working with her have been nice – trying on more than one occasion to get her to call me 'Edward' instead of 'Mr. Cullen', wanting to hear my name fall from her lips.

As I finish the last of my coffee, I stand up from the table; grab my trash to throw away. I pull out my phone to see no new messages. Emmett usually lets me know when more stuff is ready to go.

_So far, so good. No news is good news._

Being as I'm on my seventeenth delivery today, I want nothing more than to pedal my happy ass home and develop some more photos. It's Friday night, and I should be doing something. But I want to push myself to make my art, my pictures, and my life better. I want to be someone worthy of Bella. I know I should be doing this for myself, but what's living when you have nobody to live it with.

I let my friends know that I'm staying in tonight, and I can hear them moaning and groaning that since I started working for Bella, I don't come out and 'play' as much. Not that I ever did really play, but you know what I mean.

.

.

.

It's seven o'clock as I march up my stairs to my apartment with my bike over my shoulder, completely exhausted from the day's constant deliveries... I didn't see Bella at all when I made my way back to the office to drop off the paperwork. Tanya said that she had left a little early today, needing a break from the onslaught of what's to come on Monday.

I noticed her shutting down her computer and I asked if she would like company leaving and she nodded. I waited to make sure she made it out of the building all right and I wished her a great weekend and she did the same for me. She continued walking down the street, saying she only lived two blocks from there from over her shoulder and thanked me as she rounded the corner.

_Yes, I'm a gentleman like that. Get over it. _

I push open my door as I place my bike down by the wall, making my way into the kitchen to grab a beer, popping it open and taking a healthy swig of it. I notice the rolls of film that are on my table, and I suddenly feel energized to get to work. Finishing off the rest of my beer, I grab the cylinders and make my way into the dark room, flipping the red light on as I start the process of developing, anxious to see how they turn out.

My thoughts are rattled by the constant buzzing and humming in my pocket. Not wanting what I'm working on to over develop, I finish the picture as my phone buzzes _again_. When the photo is finally done, I smile down at my work and hang it up for drying as my phone begins to vibrate once more. I quickly dry my hands off, pulling it from my pocket noticing that it's none other than Emmett calling.

_What the hell does he need at this time at night?_

I groan a little because this isn't the first time that he's called needing me to make a push pedal delivery.

"Yello, what do you need?" I ask him feeling a little irritable, but it fades when I look at the photo hanging, a smile playing on my face.

"Yo – yo, yiggity!" he yells into the phone as I hear the ruckus behind him quieting down. "Did I sound gangsta? I wanted to try it out. I heard someone here use it, and I wanted to give it a whirl. Did you like? Did I sound manly?" he rambles off. I can tell he's been drinking. As I glance up at the clock to see it's just a little past nine-thirty.

"Sure, it sounded _dope_, man," I say laughing. I hear him huff into the phone as my back finds purchase against the wall. "What did you need, Emmett? Another late night delivery?" I ask him.

"Um, hello - No! Unless you want to deliver that fine ass down here at the bar, then yes. You need to deliver something here, your ass being the delivery. I'll even sign it." He starts laughing uncontrollably.

"What bar are you at Emmett?" I ask intrigued.

"The Usual. You know where it's at, right?" he slurs, "I want everyone to meet Rose. It's time for introductions to the 'group'. It's fantastic - blending so well with everyone. Just wait, you'll see. Everyone is here! Get your ass down here. There's twirling and drinking and giggles, _it's so much fun!_" He squeals, and then I hear a whisper rush out of his mouth, but I'm unable to make out the words.

"What was that? I didn't hear you." I squint, pressing my phone closer to my ear to see if I could hear him better because the music and chatter is getting louder.

I hear him saying excuse me to people when a voice comes over the line, "Emmett, get your ass back here! Where did you go? Who the hell are you on the phone with?" I hear her firing off questions one by one.

"It's nobody …" His voice cuts off as he suddenly he ends the call.

I know now what he is trying to tell me. Bella is there with them.

The two minutes I wait for the timer to go off are the longest in my life. I can't open the door until I hear it, so when the timer finally dings, I open the door carefully, slip out, and shut it, locking in my secret.

I pull my shirt over my head as I push my pants off my hips and pull a new set of clothes out of the drawer. I put them on as I make my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and try to tame my hair, even though I know it's a hopeless cause.

I spray some cologne in the air as I run and jump through the spray a couple of times.

_Hey! Don't judge me, I learned it from Emmett and it works pretty well for me. And I'll have you to know that we guys do a lot of shit you ladies wouldn't know about._

Satisfied with my smell, I shoot a text to Emmett.

_E: I'm on my way. B there n 5._

_Em: Squeeeeee! So excited!_

I laugh as I shut and lock my door and make my way to the bar, making sure I have my little pocket camera with me.

_Ya never know when it will come in handy._


	8. Chapter 8

As I leave work early today, I desperately need some time to myself. The shit that's waiting to hit on Monday is no joke. We will be swamped for a few weeks afterward. There will be last-minute parties and a lot of crap to deal with; I loathe the customers that do that. But I also know it strengthens my company. As I hail a cab, I'm thinking about sitting in front of my fireplace, cuddling up with my blanket, popping open some wine, and getting lost in my current book.

But Emmett calls me, telling me I'm wanted at the bar we frequent quite often,and I can't turn him down. Honestly,it feels like fucking forever since I've let loose. Tonight seems like the perfect time to let my hair down and grab a few drinks with friends. Needless to say, when he confirms that I'm going to finally meet the famous Rose I've heard so much about over the past couple of weeks, I agree to join him. I'm met with a squeal and a 'high five' through the phone.

I hastily tell the taxi driver to change route, and end up at my favorite spa to wax my girly bits to nothing. When Ling Lay finishes up, I carefully slide off the table keeping my vag in mind, because it's angry and yelling at me.

_Why in the hell must they be so rough with your __'fun box__'? _

Why did I get my shit waxed? Well, first reason is that Sasquatch was taking residence down there, and the second reason is I'm going out to a bar with Emmett. I know he's going to try to set me up with someone to get my mind off of work and let my wild side out a bit. Happens all the time - a bunch of times, actually. And before Rose, we all did the same thing with him. It's a give and take. When Emmett decides to set me up, I'm grateful – other times, I could shoot him in the kneecap. I'm hoping tonight will be one of those times that I love him, hard-core.

After paying and thanking the coochie killer, I quickly flag down another cab as I realize I'm only giving myself about two hours to get ready for the night. I quickly send texts to find out what the girls are wearing, eventually deciding that I will pull out my favorite outfit. The leather leggings, glitter heels and a tight black shirt, my own version of a modern-day Sandra Dee, but with brown hair and a nicer rack.

Yep, I'll own it.

Alice, who works in our graphics department, will be there including Missy, Joey, Carmen, Tanya and Jessica. When we all get together, dangerous things can happen. They know I have a limit and like to see me push through it, and nine times outta ten, I do. They're always on the hunt, looking for someone to fill their needs. They're like me – and that's probably why we all get along. Boyfriends don't last long, and they just need something to fill the space. Yes, I'll admit, we use men to satisfy our needs, just as much as men have needs that need the same attention. I'm telling you, girls are just as bad, if not worse, than men in that department. I crack open a bottle of my favorite wine, pour myself a glass, and take a drink. It's more like a huge gulp, downing half the glass, so I fill it up again. I make my way into the bathroom and jump into the shower, taking my time to get the pretties to smell perfect.

. . .

As I'm checking out my ass in the mirror of the elevator, I give myself the pep talks of all pep talks. _I can do this._ Bella Swan can let her hair down and have a good time. I need to turn over a new leaf and look at life differently. Enjoy what I have in front of me, and not dwell on what I don't have. I deserve to be happy, right? Either that or it could possibly be the bottle of wine I had while getting ready that's talking. Wine always tells me it's my turn to be happy.

_Either way, mama is feeling good already._

Walking out the lobby of my apartment, I'm met with a few appraising looks, and I can't help but have the theme song to Saturday Night Fever playing over and over in my head.

_Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk; I need a peen, no time to talk. Music loud and men are warm. I've been kicked around since I was born. And now it's all right - it's O.K. - And you may look the other way…_

Yeah, so what if I made a few changes to the lyrics and I've watched the movie a few times in my life. I have a slight fascination with the Bee Gees wondering how in the hell they wore their pants that tight. My only explanation is that's how they were able to reach the high notes – a decrease in circulation to the 'boys'.

I make my way a couple blocks to 'The Usual' fluffing my hair and looking down at my shoes. _I love shit that sparkles._ I show the doorman my I.D. and make my way inside, immediately finding my girls, who are clapping and yelling at each other. Then there is Emmett with a tall blonde Amazon standing next to him, doing her rendition of _Vogue_ in his face.

I notice I'm only forty-five minutes late. Not too _shabby_. I couldn't let the wine be lonely all night left in that bottle.

"Hello, I'm here! Where is my drink?" I yell as Emmett turns my way while Rose's eyes follow his.

"Uh, no." He waves his finger in my face, "We are not at the crazy train. This is not work. I will not be your gopher _hoor._ I checked out of that place hours ago. So, your drink … it's over there, bitch. Get your own shit." He laughs and snaps his fingers in my face as he kisses my cheek.

I slowly shove my way closer to the bar ordering up two Captain and Cokes, downing one as I pick up the other one. The bartender tells me a gentleman at the end of the bar buys me a shot, it smells like ass, but hey – it's free right? As I raise my glass to thank him, I'm greeted with the most horrendous man I have ever seen in my life.

_God damn!_

Trying to muster up a smile as I tip the shot glass to him, chug it down quickly blowing out a breath to keep the burning and churning in my stomach away. When I look back up, he's off the bar stool and making his way over. _Eeeek! _I have to get the hell away quickly. It seems they let the crazies out tonight and one of them has his sights set on me. I have the mantra of 'Run, Forest, run' while crazy music from Deliverance is running rapid in the back of my head. Since I'm unable to run like crazy in here I settle for the quick jog - walk maneuver.

_Maybe I shouldn't have taken that shot?_

As soon as I find my way back, I'm gathered in hugs from my girls as they begin telling me all about the _hot meat_ they've found so far. Meanwhile, I warn them about the mortar that's seeking me out. I see fingers being pointed in every direction, and I try to keep up with the onslaught of stories about this one and that one. I catch Emmett making his way out of the bar with his phone to his ear. I watch him over the rim of my glass as the girls continue to talk my ear off about guy after guy.

_Hmm ...he must be inviting more people. Woot! The more the merrier. _

When I know for sure the coast is clear, seeing guy after guy come over and swoop the girls away to take them to go dance. I make my way over to Rose, and I figure I could introduce myself before I become more intoxicated.

"Hi, Rose. I'm Bella – nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you," I say sticking my hand out. I'm greeted with a very manly hand gently placed in mine, as if I'm supposed to kiss it like the queen or something.

_I mean, yeah, she's – he's – oh my god, I don't know. _

"Oh, you're the famous Bella? It's nice to put a face with a name." Rose says chuckling. I'm sure my face is mixed with confusion and awe as she continues. "I know, I look fabulous, don't lie," she says turning to stick her butt out.

It kind of makes me want to smack it. The damn thing is better than mine.

As I summon her down to my level, I have to fucking ask. "So, um …I have to ask you if …" I'm cut off by loud laughing that I will admit, it's not very lady like.

_Whoa!_

"No need to ask, I'm a guy. I dress like this because this is what I'm meant to be. It makes me happy." She says very matter of fact.

"So what's your real name? You know if you don't mind me asking." As I take a long swig from my drink. Because holy shit, this is nuts! Not saying it's bad, but I've never had a convo with someone as intriguing as this.

"It's Rob."

"Oh, that's nice. _Manly_." I say throwing in a wink, "So tell me, how you decided to go with the name Rose?" I ask.

He chuckles as he backs away from me, "Because, honey, every 'Rose' has its thorn. And baby, it's poison." He pelvic thrusts his hips towards me which makes me turn to find a quick escape, only to be met with crazy man from the bar.

_Oh shite!_ _Evacuate! Evacuate!_

"Hey pretty lady, I was wo …" I cut my eyes to him, scared for my little life. I'm not listening as I'm saying a hundred Hail Mary's and praying for my life because his breath is sure to kill me. I turn to find Emmett who is still chatting on his phone walking back up the table. I quickly fire questions at him, hoping it's someone that's not going to go around and thrust her 'thorn' at me or put me into a coma with halitosis.

I see him end the phone call quickly and clap his hands.

"Oh, it's going to be a fantastic night!" he bellows as he looks at me.

"Did you meet Rose?" he asks, and I nod my head,afraid to look in the direction of 'Master Air Humper'.

"Isn't she something else?" he says, smiling at her as I continue to nod and chug down the rest of my glass.

"I think I've had too many already, Emmett." I say leaning on him a little bit. It's either that or I've chugged them down way to quick. Seriously, my coochie has been attacked; I've attracted a GPS tracked mortar, and met a man who looks more like a woman than I do. I'm having a self-pity party, when Tanya comes over to me and begs me to dance with the group of them. It couldn't hurt; I mean I could attract a piranha that wants to eat me.

_I get a hell yeah?_

Maybe I can dance some of this intoxication out of my system because nobody wants a drunken lady. I swirl my glass of ice, sad that it's empty. Placing it on the table, I look up to find Rose twirling and dancing like she's in a Broadway show, spirit fingers and all.

I quickly hop off my seat and scurry to find the rest of the girls in the middle of the dance floor spinning each other and laughing.

"Bella!" Alice yells, as she grabs my hand as we begin dancing in a circle. I'm usually not a dancer, but this night is beginning to turn out to be a night for firsts.

Feeling the effects of the alcohol, I feel myself loosen up as I pull out my best Molly Ringwald. I whirl around the floor, laughing and talking with the girls. Suddenly my bladder yells at me_. I gotta break the seal_. I can't hold it in any longer.

I stand in this never-ending line that seems to only move inches as the minutes tick by. Luckily, I'm the next chicka to be granted bathroom access. I'm sure my face is morphed into something horrific as the Hoover Dam is about to spring a leak people. I mean, I understand, I get it. Just fluff your stuff somewhere else. Especially when you know there are people waiting in line for a one person bathroom. Just as I'm desperately searching for a drain in the floor, the door opens up; I push my way through, and lock the door. When you have to stand in line for an hour, finally doing the deed feels fantastic. I look to my left and I find a very comfy looking roll of toilet paper, and decide to place my little noggin upon it. _Ahh, one ply - it feels so nice._ In the middle of my snuggle fest, with my pants still down, there is a loud banging on the door.

"Would you wait a god blessed minute and let a girl do her damn thing." I yell, as I rise to pull my tight ass pants up, when another loud bang echoes through the little space.

"Jesus Christ." I mutter as I quicken my movements stumbling slightly falling into the wall. I'm going to give a bitch a piece of my mind when I finish up. I mean I know standing in that line sucks, but I waited just as long as those girls did.

I turn to unlock the door and open it, only to be greeted by Emmett. Oh what do we have here? He places a drink in my hand. _My fairy drink mother._

"Hurry the hell up, B. There's someone I want you to meet." He jumps slightly as he grabs my hand and ushers me through the line of girls all giving sneers and evil stares. I smile and wave as we pass by them. I joke around with Emmett, mock pelvic thrusting into his backside.

Just wait, I can show up Rose in the pelvic thrust department. _Look at me go_.

"Quicker Bella." Emmett yells, even though I want to go back to dancing – especially with my girls. My feet are killing me, but the more I drink the more numb they become. Maybe sitting down isn't such a bad idea after all.

When we make our way through the cluster-fuck of people, I'm left alone only to find a sexy mother fucker sitting on a stool at our table.

_Hummina …hummina… _

I watch as his eyes drink me in, so I do a little sashay and turn around while biting my straw to give him some more of my sexiness. I know I don't need it with the way he is staring. When I come face to face with him, I smile as he continues to look at my legs.

"You look …uh …great, Bella," he says, as his eyes slowly travel up my body once more, ending at my face.

He slowly takes a drink of his beer. Oh my lawd, this man is erotic with a bottle pressed to his lips. I've died and seen the Holy Grail people. Yes, died and gone to that place called heaven.

I smile. "Tell me about it, stud." I say back to him. He sits up as he spits out a mouthful of beer. He quickly finds a napkin on the table to clean himself up as I laugh at his antics.

"Did you just quote Sandy?" he asks, and I nod as I slide up on a stool next to him.

"Good one, Swan."

"Like what you see, Mr. Cullen?" I say back to him. My eyes drink him in just like he had done to me. For someone who doesn't seem to take too much time to himself – it's nice. A laid back, no worries type. It's quite a refreshing change from the men I'm used to. Stuffy shirts with ties …ugh. I'm done with it. I think I'm beginning to want this man. I see a crazy design of something I can't quite make out peeking out under the sleeve of his shirt. I want to trace it with more than my fingers. This cannot be who Emmett has picked out, it can't be. It's just a coincidence that he's here. I mean he is one of Emmett's friends and all.

He slowly nods. I snicker and smile back at him, happy that I caused some kind of reaction from this man. For the past couple weeks, I've felt the small fire burning in my belly whenever he's around. When he thinks I'm not paying attention, I feel his eyes on me, cutting me like a knife in butter. They are sultry and fire driven. I know what he's doing, because I do the same things to him. Even though I don't try to keep mine at bay, I know he likes it by the way he refuses to catch me looking and by the small smile that plays on his lips. It's a cat and mouse game, and I'm hoping he's setting the trap, because mama wants to get caught.

I've tried to pull so much out of him these past couple of weeks though. Trying to get deeper into what makes him – _him_. He doesn't give too much up. He kind of turns to stone when I pester him with questions. I mean, I can't be upset when he clams up as I don't give too much up either. It leaves me in a constant state of wonder. His silence is intriguing, but also infuriating. I'm sure he feels the same way about me.

I don't want my past brought up, just for the simple fact that it's nasty. I try my hardest not to bring it up in my present. I have a feeling one day it's going to erupt, but until then, I sweep it under the rug.

Talking with Edward though, makes me want to flip the rug over, let it out, and let him really know about me. He is so easy to talk to. I have a feeling he would understand, but I don't know quite yet. I wish he would just let me know how he feels about me, and maybe our situation. I don't really give a flying hoot that he's a bike messenger, if that's what he's worried about. I care about the man he is, not what he does. He is a 'secret carrying man', and I want to know what those secrets are. The mystery makes me want to grab a tube sock, paper clip and electrical tape like MacGyver to figure it out.

When the next song comes on, they are talking about boots with fur, and I suddenly would kill for a pair of them. Granted they wouldn't match with my outfit, but my feet are pulsing with the need to be free.

"Emmett," I yell at him and he turns to me, "I want some boots with fur." I pout as everyone at the table laughs. I'm not finding it funny. I sip my drink as Emmett starts in on me again, for the hundredth time, about boots with fur.

"Honey, we've talked about this. If you wear boots with fur, according to the song, you're gonna have to get low – and we all know our Bella doesn't roll that way. Not only that, some polar bear in Antarctica would be missing an asshole. Would you want that bear to have a chilly hole all winter long?" He asks as I shake my head downing more of my drink. Damn him … he's always right.

When the girls come back to the table, I see Edward slide off the chair to hand it over to one of them.

_What a fucking gentleman. I wonder who gives up the chair in Emmett and Rose's case._

What I don't expect, is to find him standing behind me with his chest gently pressing onto my back. His arm snakes around me as he places his now empty bottle down on the table. His hand is on my shoulder as I feel his breath on my ear.

"I would get you boots with the fur. Even though I think they are hideous, but if it made you happy. I would do it."

His voice is octaves lower than it's ever been. Even though he's talking about stuffed animal shoes, it's sexy, sultry, fire, ice and deep. I've never heard him speak that way to me before. My skin heats as I feel his hands move from my shoulder,only to find purchase under the hem of my shirt resting them on my hips.

I stiffen, "that's very nice of you, Mr. Cullen." not expecting this kind of torture from him.

He leans down again, "Will you just call me Edward?" he asks. I look up at him as I feel my body relax as his fingers draw lazy circles on my sides.

"Edward," I whisper back to him. His eyes close and a smile plays on his lips. Damn that feels good. I bet it would also feel fantastic when I say it during sexy times.

"Better," he says as he places his chin on my head and I melt into him.

A flash of a camera brings me out of my sexual stupor as I turn to see what seems like twenty pair of eyes and shy smiles looking between Edward and I. Ignoring the questions in their eyes, I turn and notice him trying to sneak the evidence in his pocket.

"Lemme see." As I pull his wrist up as he laughs nervously, running his free hand through his hair. I can see the uncertainty in his eyes as he hands it over.

I turn it back on, and press the review button as I back my way through the pictures. I see a few of them as I scroll thru. The one catching my attention is the fourth or fifth one I landed on. It's of me with a look in my eyes that's showing the old Bella. The real Bella – the one I buried a long time ago. The one I try to forget, but it's also the one I'm dying to let out.

The song changes to Ne-yo, who by the way is a sexy mother effer. Any man who can dance like that has to be great at one thing and one thing only. All the girls down their drinks and make their way out onto the dance floor again. Finishing up mine just as quick, I turn to join them, when I'm once again stopped by Edward singing in my right ear.

"_Girl let me love you, and I will love you …until you learn to love yourself."_

He spins me around to face him; his arms surround me, hands splays on the table. He's keeping me hostage while the words that are coming from his mouth are making a tickle in my panties. He's sultry and sexy, deep and raw. I mean for god sakes, I love this song when Mr. Ne – to – the – Yo belts it out, but I think I like this version a shit ton better.

I'm lost in the lyrics that are flooding my ears as his breath trickles down my neck. His body moves closer to mine with every beat of the song. I reach out and place my hands on his chest, feeling the pure man that's behind these stupid clothes. I place my hand over his heart, and it's racing like a stampede of horses. His nose skims my jaw all the way back to my ear, and it feels fantastic. It's been forever it seems like, since I've had any kind of non-sexual contact. No gentle touches or grazes. A girl need that every once in a while.

My hand makes its way to his arm, as it tries to push up his sleeve. He halts my movements and shakes his head causing me to retract my hand.

_But I want to see it. Maybe I'll get to later?_

When he sings the next lyrics, I feel as if he knows me, all about me. It's scary how raw it feels.

"_I can see the pain behind your eyes. It's been there for quite a while. I just wanna be the one to remind you what it is to smile. I would like to show you what true love can really do."_

I haven't felt like this in a long time – so open. I now know what The Fugees were singing about in that song, 'Killing Me Softly'. It's finally making sense to me, someone telling and saying things that are true.

_Troubling shit I tell you. _

When the song ends and moves into another one, I feel him place his forehead to mine. I reach around for my drink on the table, only to find that it's empty. I see Rose standing back behind Edward with a couple of drinks in her hand. I quickly grab for mine, and he gradually turns and thanks Rose for his drink.

"No problem sweet cheeks. I'd do it again, in a heartbeat. Watching you two was like my own little version of skin-a-max, but this was way better." She says chuckling.

Then she asks a question that completely throws me for a loopity loop.

"So Edward. How long have you been in love with this girl?" His eyes grow wide.

I continue sucking on my Captain, _not literally you pervs_, as I watch his face contort into something that may be painful – yet, a look that says 'shut the fuck up'.

"I'm not." He bites his lip while his fingers run rapidly through his hair. He takes a long pull from his beer and moves back to face me.

"Mmm hmmm. Keep telling yourself that honey." Rose smirks and walks over to the dancing girls, anxious to bust a move with them. I see Tanya start smacking her ass and I'm lost in a fit of giggles when Edward pulls my chin up to look at him.

I suck some more delicious liquid through my straw staring into those dusty grey orbs that I've become fascinated with.

"Wanna leave, go back to my place? Someplace else?" he asks, looking a bit nervous as he searches my own eyes for uncertainty.

I mutely nod at him and finish my drink. I turn to find Emmett staring at us with a gleam in his eyes. "You lovey dovey birds taking off?"

"Yeah, she's feeling a bit woozy." He looks at me winking, and I try to play along but it doesn't take much, because I really am feeling the liquid love.

"Yeah, I need to leave Em. I'll see you Monday, bright and early." I slur at him. Holy shit! What is wrong with me?

"Be careful you two," he says smirking. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Then starts chanting his little Spartan cheer. "Beller has a feller, check her out. _So, _check_ her out._"He then bends over and touches his finger to his ass.

"Never." I spout, pulling out my imaginary sword trying to stab him with it as my body tilts to the left.

Both Emmett and Edward are laughing at me as I feel Edward take my hand and pull it through his arm. He holds on to it tightly as we make our way out of the bar and onto the sidewalk. I take a deep breath, finding it easy to breathe with him. I'm not nervous, nor am I excited. I'm content. It feels perfect, as if my arm and body is where it's meant to be.

"So where to?" he asks me softly, and I shrug my shoulders.

"It doesn't matter to me."

"Your place?" he asks nervously.

"Sure, it's not far. We can walk." I slur as I feel myself kinda wobble. Edward's hold on me tightens even more.

"I think a cab will be better." He walks us to the end of the sidewalk and flags down a cab rather quickly, ushering me inside.

"Address?" the cabbie asks and I spout it off quickly. I feel myself slipping into a sleepy slumber as I look at Edward and then his lap.

It looks inviting, so I indulge myself into the comforts of it. I snuggle in deep, hearing a soft groan fall from his mouth, which quickly turns into a chuckle, as I cuddle in deeper as I start to sing in my head.

"_Take me home tonight. I don't want to let you go 'til you see the light. Take me home tonight, Listen, honey, just like Ronnie sang, be my little baby._" I guess that wasn't all in my head as I hear him humming along with the song.

I feel his fingers in my hair, brushing it away from my face with soft mutters falling from his lips saying 'beautiful' and 'so lucky'. It's only broken sentences, but it's not hard to make out, even if they are just in my dream.

I'm being lifted out of the cab when he asks me what floor I'm on. I mutter out fourth floor and my apartment number. Noticing the jerk of the elevator as I'm gently placed on my feet – with a hand searching my pockets trying to find my keys, I can't help but laugh.

"A little to the left, Edward."

"Oh, Jesus." He chuckles finding the right pocket and pulling my key out.

"No, Bella. My name is Bella." Channeling my inner Janet Jackson, "Or, Ms. Swan, if you're _nasty_." I laugh again and almost hit the floor when I feel Edwards strong arms hoist me up like a baby. I wrap my legs around him, holding him close, playing with the hair on his neck.

"You smell like a man, Edward. It's scrumptious," I snicker.

"Glad you like it, _Ms. Swan,_" he says slowly.

"Ah, so you are _nasty._"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Oh I would! In more ways than one. I wanna be on your like hot fudge to a sundae." I try to sound as sexy as him, but I fail.

Before I know it, we're in my apartment. I undo my legs and he lets me slide down his body. It's hard in all the right places. I take off my heels and throw them on the floor as my blurry vision finds my couch. I lie on it, snuggling with the pillow.

"Edward?" I yell,as I hear him rummaging through drawers in my kitchen.

"Yeah?" he answers.

"I wanna snuggle. Do you wanna snuggle?" I ask.

"Yeah, but I'm trying to find your aspirin?"

"Bathroom." I feel sleep taking me over again as a faint 'thanks' thrown in my direction.

What seems like seconds later, I feel myself being carried to what I presume is my bed, as I feel the soft sheets below me, my head resting on my pillow, and a gentle kiss to my forehead.

. . .

The next morning, I feel as if I had been assaulted by a cat that shit in my mouth, as well as having thundering antelopes running from cheetahs in my head.

_Ugh._

When I start to take my pounding head into the bathroom, I look over and there is a note on my night stand as well as four aspirin and a bottle of water.

It's from Edward. Holy shit, he was here!

_Dear Bella, _

_I had a great time with you last night. Hope we get to hang out again_

_like that soon. Hope you slept well, sorry I didn't get to say goodbye – I _

_had things I needed to do early this __morning__. _

_I hope this doesn't change anything._

_Always,_

_Edward_

_. . ._

I reread the letter three times, maybe ten, who knows. I remember certain pieces of last night, but most of them are vague.

_Oh, fuck._ What did I do?

* * *

_**Thanks for reading! I love all of your reviews! **_

_**Special thanks to SunflowerFran and WitchyVampgirl! I LOVES you both so much and for making this purdy! MUAH**_

_**See you all (hopefully) Thursday!?**_


	9. Chapter 9

**A special thanks to SunflowerFran for being my uber beta and for Witchywoman for prereading! Mad love ladies...**

**Chappy song: Mumford & Sons - Whispers in the Dark**

**_You hold your truth so purely_  
_Well swerve not through the minds of man_  
_This lie is dead_**

_And this cup of yours tastes holy_  
_But a brush with the Devil_  
_can clear your mind_  
_And strengthen your spine_

_But fingers tap into what you were once_  
_And I'm worried that I blew my only chance_  


* * *

EPOV

I'm in her home, her domain, her refuge.

_Her bedroom._

Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be here. I quietly watch her sleep, listening to her mild snores, and the endless chatter that slurs from her lips. It's quite amusing.

Last night was amazing. Not just that we got to hang out together, but she actually seemed really interested. In me – Edward Cullen.

As I slowly push my way off the bed, I reach down and grab my jeans that were dropped on the floor after I plopped her crazy ass in her bed last night. The thought makes me smile as I remember her quoting Three 6 Mafia wanting to 'slob on a knob like corn on a cob' as she blindly reached for the goods.

I pull them on as I turn around and peek over at her sleeping light is filtering in through her windows. I know it's not going to be too much longer before she eventually wakes up with a stampede of horses running through her head. I run my hands over my jeans to smooth the wrinkles the best that I can. My hand passes over the camera that was stored in my pocket. I pull it out, look at it and then back to Bella. Lying there, she looks peaceful, serene – maybe a little tangled, but when is she not. In her everyday life she is tousled and torn.

I never thought for a second that the woman lying here held demons deep in her soul. I always thought she had it all figured out. Her life – her job. Her tattoo tells me that I'm wrong.

That's another thing that surprises me; she is marked. She's inked with feeling that I'm guessing are her own form of therapy. I knew what happened; I was there. I knew how she was treated by her parents.

I softly walk over to her desk that sits in the corner of her room, grab the chair and place it by the bed. I slowly stand on it and look to the window to see the direction of the sun. Grabbing the camera out of my pocket, I power it up and change the settings. I take around fifteen photos of her at different angles, using the natural light.

_Stunning._

I step down off the chair and quietly place it back where it belongs. I look around the desk for a piece of paper and a pen. I finally find one and scribble down a little note for her, with some intentions of hoping to see her again, and not just at work. I don't want to be a douche and make her think that I just up and left without saying goodbye.

_That's if she remembers. __God, I hope she does ..._

I place a gentle kiss to her forehead as push some hair away from her face then I exit the room. As I make my way down the hallway, I take one last look around her place. It's more like a palace. Breathing everything in that speaks Bella, I memorize it. This is her now. I look to my left as I make it into the living room and stop stare at the couch that is placed in front of the fireplace.

I can imagine the cold snowy nights that Bella has sat there cuddled up with a blanket and a book. I smile and imagine what it would be like to sit with her there, taking or sketching pictures of her - capturing her in her element.

I move to the front door, as I open it, I turn to take one last look around. I step through the door and quietly shut it behind me. I go to the elevator pushing the button and prepare myself for the "ride of shame to the lobby. When the doors open, I'm greeted by a man standing in front of the buttons.

"Which floor?" he asks as he smiles.

"Lobby please," I reply quietly. He nods as the doors close and the car jerks a little as it speeds further and further away from her. Taking a deep breath I mutter "thank you" to the elevator dude as I step out into the brightly lit lobby. Turning towards the doors I quicken my pace making my way outside. Placing my hands in my pockets, I rub my camera knowing there's a lot on there that'll fill a void in my life.

My steps hasten as I flag down a cab and quickly get in giving him the address to my house. When he pulls away from the curb, I look down at my lap and remember the ride back to her place.

"_So, do you like having me in your peen region?" she asked and I laughed._

"_You're about to fall asleep, Bella. I'm just being nice and letting you use my thigh as a pillow." _

"_Sure." She gestured throwing her one hand around, "That's what they all say." _

"_Do you have your head in a lot of laps, Bella? Because I honestly think that's not like you."_

"_How would you know what I'm like, Mr. Cullen?" She huffed. Her eyes were still closed but her lips kept moving._

"_I know you a lot better than you know." I whispered._

"_What was that?" she mumbled as she snuggled in closer._

"_You're so beautiful. I'm still trying to figure out how lucky I am to find you again." To nobody in particular._

Looking up from my lap, I feel lucky. So lucky. I smile to myself as I continue watching building after building pass by as I make it to my apartment. In record time I've made it inside. I strip off my clothes and breathe in the scent that lingers. Yes, I know it's a little chick-ish, so sue me. I place them in the corner, away from the other clothes. For some strange reason, I don't want to taint them.

I jump in the shower, washing away yesterday's activities and night life as I settle into a new day.

As I dressed in fresh clothes, I'm buzzing with thoughts of those pictures that are waiting patiently for me. Since I can't develop digital myself, it's time for reinforcements. I do have a pretty kick-ass friend, Ben who does printing of all sorts. He's taken a lot of my work and matted it for me. His work is amazing. He can turn a shitty ass digital picture into a walking, breathing masterpiece.

_Oh_, the art of technology. I hate it and sometimes love it. While I prefer to old school it, there are many artists out there that like to fiddle and fine tune their workings. I like the non-perfection of it all. The sometimes fuzzy lines, the blurry background in a standing shot. Nothing is perfect in this world, nor is any living creature. As I see it, let those imperfections show. Let it be about everything else. If things were made to be perfect, being alive would suck ass.

I know what you're probably thinking. If I have a philosophy like that, why do I give two shits about what Bella thinks? Truth is, with her - my life would be perfect in my eyes. I know the girl I fell in love with back then is still in there. I can tell she's itching to get out.

I pick up my phone and plug it into the charger as I dial Ben. I hope he's home, because I swear I'm going to have an attack if the pictures stays dormant any longer in that thing.

On the third ring, fucker finally answers, "Ehm … Hello." I can tell he's sleeping and in a way I feel bad, but on another hand, not so much. He owes me.

"Hey buddy, how ya feeling? Good? I didn't wake you did I?" Chuckling nervously I catch myself switching one foot to the other. I feel like I'm on a teeter totter.

"Yes, you woke me asshole. What do you want?" I hear him stretching. See, this is a good sign.

"I thought you were working today?" I shrug my shoulders even though he can't see them.

"You need something printed don't you? I can tell by the tone in your voice. This is why you're calling me at," he pauses and I hear him breathe heavy into the phone. "At mother fucking seven – forty – two on a Saturday? Are you kidding me right now?" He yells and I pull the phone away from my ear. I can hear distant groaning and what sounds like a punch or two thrown at his pillow.

Slowly I place the phone back to my ear. "Yeah, I'm sorry. Listen man, this is um … kinda huge. You know that project I've been working on?"

"The one with the girl?"

"Yeah, that one. Um …I found her." I rush out.

"What do you mean you found her? Are you kidding me? What did you do, slip away and go back home and she was there? Did you hit it off, get her digits? This is huge Edward. You know what Charlotte said. How long has it been since you found her? Come on man, you got to tell me."

"I would if you would, A – breathe, and B – let me get a damn word in. Shit man, are you working in journalism now and didn't tell me? I guess that would mean that I need to find another magician of the ink?" I laugh as I hear his mock intake of air.

"You wouldn't dare." He laughs.

"Nah, just kidding. Listen, I do need your help though. I got some photos on my digital that needs to be printed. Can you do it for me?" I ask, hoping he won't have a problem.

"Hell yeah. This is what you need, man. Damn – this is huge. Do you think you are going to complete it now?"

"More than likely. But how do I break it to her without sounding like a mad creeper or some shit?" I ask him.

"You don't tell her anything until it all comes out. What if you tell her and it doesn't get picked up by a company. I mean I'm sure it will. But there is nothing wrong with holding something to you for a while. What are you laying the pipe or something with her?"

"No, I … uh … actually work for her," I squeak out. I didn't even know I could squeak.

"What the hell, dude? Seriously? You really do have it bad!" he says laughing.

"Hey, it's great pay and it has benefits. I get to see her every day, what's there to lose?"

_My soul. I feel like I have sold my soul to the devil to be able to retrieve the things I want._

"To each their own man, even though I couldn't do it. Be around the girl that I've had mad feelings for all this time and keep it to myself."

Wanting to drop this conversation as soon as possible, I ask, "So can I bring them by this morning and we can hook them up and decide which ones to go with?" My keys are already in my hand ready to bolt out the door the second he says he'll do it.

"Sure, just give me ten minutes."

"Thanks!" I end the call, quickly grab my pack and bike and carefully trudge my way down the narrow staircase.

. . . . .

This morning and early afternoon has been the longest of my life. Spending most of the morning in Ben's living room listening to the endless questions probed my way about Emmett. Yes, _Emmett_. Ben and Em used to see each other and not too long ago - broke up. That's how I met him. He made Ben happy and it was sad to see them split like they did. He wasn't too keen on hearing about Emmett's new lover – Rose though. Muttering out curses and how she doesn't "deserve him", he eventually got over it and got to work – picking and choosing what were the best shots and lighting. I left with a sense of gratification. I now have twelve tubes that are packed in my bag. Twelve more photo prints to add to the ever growing collection.

There was one tube that I made sure to put a different color cap on. It was the most personal one of them all. I didn't even realize what I had actually captured until it was blown up on Ben's computer screen. When it displayed, I was in shock. Ben was speechless, and I was enamored. It was her, the girl I fell in love with. The girl that I _knew_.

As I pedal my way through the foot traffic with my thoughts guarded and excited, my phone rings with an unknown number. I usually don't answer them, but for some reason, I decide to take a gamble.

"This is Edward." I answer a little winded.

"Mr. Cu … I mean Edward. It's Bella." A sweet raspy voice comes across and I press hard on the breaks, halting completely in my tracks.

"Hey, how are you feeling this morning?" I ask because, ya know, it's the easiest way for conversations to start, and for some reason I want to keep her on my phone. I'm a little bummed that I don't have her number though.

"Um …besides crazy hyenas laughing in my head, I'm peachy." Sarcastic innuendos are all over that statement.

"Yeah, you were a little …um …drunk last night." Thoughts race through my head about if she remembers or not.

"Um …about that. I didn't get too out of control did I?" Uncertainty lacing her voice.

"No, I mean besides the quoting of every eighties song ever written." I laugh, hoping she finds the humor in it, but I'm met with a loud groan of disapproval.

"I'm so sorry, Edward."

"There's no need to apologize. I had a great time." I assure her. She didn't do anything to be sorry for.

I hear a faint whisper come through the phone. "I'm sure you did."

"What was that, Bella?" I ask, not understanding what she means.

"It's nothing. Listen, do you want to grab some coffee together? I'm actually standing outside my favorite shop and I would love some company." My face breaks out into a huge smile. I'm sure people walking down the street are looking at me like I'm some loon.

"What place, Bella? I'm actually out and about right now."

"Yeah, I know. I saw your note." I can hear a smile playing in her voice, "I'm at Beans and Creams."

"Oh, I'm like two blocks away, I'll be there in five, is that cool? Or you can go ahead and order?"

"I'll wait if that's okay."

"Sure, I'll see ya."

"Yep." And the call suddenly ends.

Sliding my phone back in my pocket, I'm suddenly fucking giddy as a kid in a toy store. I spin the pedal around and push off, on my way to the coffee place.

. . . . .

As I get closer to the shop, I spot Bella standing outside with her hair whirling around her face. I hop off my bike, and while it seems like a flurry of people are passing by, my world is focused on the girl standing there. She moves her attention to her feet, then back to the street in front of her and then from left to right.

So focused on her, I don't realize how close I'm standing to her until she turns to her left and I'm right there.

"Hey," I greet her, it breaks her trance and she gives me a half-hearted smile.

"Hey yourself," she says as she reaches down to smooth her shirt. "You ready?"

"Yep, what's your favorite here and I'll go order it." I ask, even though I know it's the venti peppermint mocha with whip cream.

"How did you know that?" she asks quirking an eyebrow.

"Know what?" I'm guessing I didn't keep that thought quiet.

"My coffee. How did you know what I order here?" she asks again pressing for an answer.

"Emmett. I've seen him plenty of times singing about it at the office." I shrug hoping I placated her with that bullshit answer.

"Oh, yeah. That's right." She nods. "Well, that would be perfect. Thank you. Even though I should be buying you coffee since I'm the one who invited you." She smiles and it's a little more sincere this time.

Where in the hell is the tough exterior woman who I had just met a few weeks earlier?

"No biggie. Wanna grab a table?" She nods as I pull my tire off my bike and prop it up. I walk over to hold open the door for her as she quickly scurries through. I follow behind her and watch her walk and sit at a table.

"Edward!" Marcus yells, "You've been in here a lot lately." I glance over at Bella and I see some confusion on her face.

"Yeah, been busy and needing some of the good stuff here. But, um …" I feel uncomfortable as I feel her eyes on me. "Can I get my usual as well as a venti peppermint mocha."

"Sure thing buddy," he says. I dig in my pocket for cash and pay him.

Before too long our coffees are ready and I make my way over to Bella. I set hers down while I slide in.

She takes a slow sip. "Thank you."

I nod as I do the same.

"Sooo …how has your day been?" I ask her and she shrugs her shoulders. I can tell something is weighing on her mind, and I hope and pray nothing is wrong.

"Edward, I'm just going to lay it out there. We didn't … you know …um …have sex did we?" she whispers the last part. I'm thankful that I didn't have any coffee in my mouth as I would have spit it all over her. My quick intact of air into my lungs though causes me to cough as I'm terrified that she honestly thinks that I would have taken advantage of her.

"Oh god Bella. No way. We didn't do anything – nothing like that." This is the worst thing ever.

I see relief in her features. "Okay, good."

"There is no way in hell that I would ever do something like that." I shake my head. "The only thing I'm guilty of is putting you into bed. Yes, I took your leather leggings off because those looked like they would be really uncomfortable to get off this morning. I then put you in my t-shirt." I think back to last night.

"_But I don't wanna sleep, Edward. I wanna spoooon." She drew out the last word a little longer than necessary._

"_We need to get you to bed. You're going to be in a world of hurt when you wake up. Sleep would do you good." As I reached to pull off her leggings, she was wobbling from one side to the other as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed._

"_Yes, sleeping with you would be beneficial." She giggled._

"_Yeah, not gonna happen babe." I let the endearment slip but I knew she wasn't going to mind._

"_Babe – do do do do – I got you, babe." She started singing into an imaginary microphone._

"_Raise your arms up, Bella." I slid her shirt off and replaced it with one of the two I was wearing. I had already looked around her room and her collection of clothes. I highly doubted she owned a t-shirt._

"_Mmm, it smells woodsy." She smiled as she lifted up the neck of the shirt and took a deep breath, "I got nothing but your t-shirt on." she sang again. _

_I swear to god, she has a rolodex of song lyrics for every situation._

"_Okay, lay down. Get some sleep." She suddenly looked up at me trying to sit up._

"_Stay here …with me. Cuddle. I just want to cuddle." She asked. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't deny __her,__ so I nodded and moved her to lay on her pillow. I slid myself into bed on the other side of Bella. _

"_You feel like home, Edward." She said as she snuggled in extremely close to me._

_If she only knew._

"Well, thank you for taking care of me Edward. Even though I can assure you, I wasn't that bad." She grimaces. I know she knows the truth, but is trying to deflect the situation into a better one.

"You're welcome." I turn to look at the other customers, afraid to look at her.

"So, I want to know. What's in the tubes?" she asks as she grabs for one of them. It just so happens to be the one with the different colored cap, and I quickly place my hand over it to keep her from opening it up.

"Oh, these are just some prints that I was working on. That's where I've been all morning … with Ben." I nod as she relents and let's go of the tube.

"That's cool. What are the prints of?" Well isn't she just a nosey body this morning.

I smile. "Something that's important to me. I'm working on a project …for some time now. And it's all starting to come together." I state, as I tuck them more securely underneath me.

"That's awesome. So I know you take pictures …and you're apparently into art," she points to the tattoos on my arms. "Can you tell me what that one is? I noticed a bit of it last night at the bar." She motions to the one on my upper arm.

Oh shit, of course that would be one of the things she remembers from last night.

"It's just a symbol, that's all. Nothing more - nothing less." There is no way I'm going to tell her about my most treasured piece of art that is permanently etched on my body.

"Oh," she says in a tone that oozes disappointment.

And that's where that conversation is left.

What seems like minutes, but is really hours, we settle in and talk more about ourselves. I start learning more about Bella.

Her ins, and her outs.

What makes her tick.

When I would say something that either disturbed her or a memory she was reliving – her face would crinkle.

I'm sure she learned a thing or two about me.

She is still pressing questions about my past, but I'm not ready to dive into that. I know I still have to tell her that I know her. But, I'm afraid that if I do tell her before she gets the chance to really know me, she'll run. History speaks for itself. She ran away from the only place she knew to be here. I don't want her to do that with me. I want me to be her "home", as she said last night. I'm going to break down those walls that I realize she has clearly built around herself. The scary part is, in return, she's crumbling mine as if they have never existed.

I look at my watch and straighten it on my wrist. "I can't believe we've talked for three hours."

She laughs as she taps her empty cup on the table. "Yeah, it's easy talking to you. It's like …um …never mind."

I know not to push her, because I've tried to pry some things out of her already. If she doesn't want to reveal something, she won't budge. I hope this doesn't undue all the progress we made today.

I stand up and pull my bag up over my shoulders.

"You ready?" I ask her. She nods and I grab her empty cup off the table as well as mine. I snag my tire and we make our way to the door.

As we step outside, she surprises me when she doesn't just say goodbye. Instead she walks over to my bike and turns around smiling at me. I attach my wheel back on and stand there like the incoherent idiot I am. I know this is the last time I'll see her this weekend before Monday, and I don't like that. I want to be a greedy asshole. I want her around me all the time. When she found out that nothing happened between us last night, she softened up,and I swear she was flirting with me. I tried to relay the same emotions back to her. When I gave her a certain smile after she said things, her color would change just the slightest. It made my heart swell that I could do that to her. That I was the one, it seemed, making her hard shell crack a bit.

"Thanks for meeting me, Edward," she says as she looks right into my eyes.

"Anytime. Just give me a call. It would be nice to have your number as well." I try to keep the nervousness out of my voice, but it falters a little bit.

"Oh sure. It's um …" she starts, "just give me your phone." She holds out her hand. I slide my hand into my pocket, grab it, and gently place it in her palm. She immediately hands it back to me.

"It's password protected."

"Oh right," I put in the number then I give it back.

Her fingers are moving quickly over the screen, and before too long my phone is given back to me with her name and number shining brightly on the display.

"Thank you." I nod and put it back in my pocket.

"So, I guess I'll see you Monday?" I ask as I step over my bike and move to straddle the seat.

"Sure, I'll see you Monday. It's going to be a crazy week." She smiles at me and I notice she shuffles her feet closer.

"When is it not crazy there for me?" I chuckle. I feel her body pressing up against my leg; I'm stunned and can't move.

"Have a great weekend, Edward. And thank you." She reaches up and gives me a kiss on my cheek. She lingers for moment or two before pulling away from me.

"You too, give me a call if you're bored or something." My mind is barely functioning as I feel my cheek flame with heat on the spot where her lips were.

She nods. "Bye Edward." She turns to walk away slowly with her head down. Every so often her head popped up to move out of someone's way.

I kick the pedals to spin, finally moving from where I was sitting when she rounds the corner. I know she's only a few blocks from her home so I don't worry about her being out alone. I turn around to head back to mine with today's events circling in my brain.

. . . . .

After I return home, I take the tubes out of my bag. One by one, I place them around my apartment to get a final look. The images fly off the paper, yelling at me. Telling me to keep going - keep moving forward. It wasn't done yet. It needs an end.

I pop open another beer; I stand in the middle of the room. A single image stands out among the rest, as I take another pull from my drink; I make my way to inspect it closer. Just as I'm about there, my cell phone vibrates in my pocket. When I pull it out, I'm shocked to see the name on the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me, Bella," she says nervously.

"What's up? Did you need anything?" I ask her.

"Um, no. Well …maybe."

"Well then, what is it?" I laugh at this situation. The strong Bella would never be this tongue-tied or nervous.

"I …um …wanted to know if I could come over? You know, hang out? I'm bored and you said to give you a call if I was, so I'm calling. And it's a Saturday night, and I know it's stupid – you're probably busy. I don't know why I even bothered. I'm sorry. I just totally invited myself over; it's incredibly rude of me. I'll just let you …" I cut off her ramblings.

"Shut your face, Bella. It's no problem. None at all – I was just actually sitting here drinking a beer doing absolutely nothing." I smile at the thought of her in my home, but suddenly I'm nervous as fuck.

"Oh, great!" she seems to cheer up, "I mean, so it's okay and all? I just need some company."

"Absolutely." I tell her. She asks for my address and I tell her how to get here. We soon hang up and I'm suddenly freaking the hell out.

I glance around the room at all the photos. As quick as I can, I'm twisting them as gently as I can and putting them back in the tubes.

When I get them into my room, I shut the door just as my buzzer rings signaling Bella's arrival. I lock it and walk over to the door hitting the speaker button.

"Bella?" I ask.

"Yeah, buzz me in, Edward," she says.

A couple of seconds later, I hear her footsteps on the stairs. I open my door and step into the hallway to be greeted by a smiling Bella, a pizza box, and a case of beer. I smile as I rush over to help her.

"Whoa, you brought dinner, nice. Thank you." Before I even realize what I'm doing, I'm leaning down and kissing her cheek.

Her intake of air makes me realize that maybe I just fucked up, but it's quickly replaced with awe as Bella turns and smiles at me.

"Shall we?" I quickly push my door open for her to enter.

She nods and steps in my apartment.

I hear her whisper to herself, but the only word I can make out is "home".

When she turns around to face me, I'm carried back to a moment in my past.

There stood the girl, the one I remember.

The one I loved, and still do.

The one that I would move mountains for.

The one that I'm going to try my damndest to keep.

* * *

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	10. Chapter 10

_A very long __two weeks later... _

This has to be the worst idea I have ever thought of in my life. What the _fuck_ was I thinking? As I sit here patiently waiting for this _dumb shit _to finish his tiramisu, I am planning my ways of escape. Even though there is no easy way around this. I did it to myself. Thinking and hoping that I could push Edward out of my brain, left me with my only other option; bagel boy. Yes, _sue_ me. I took the first guy that I could, to see if these feelings that I'm having would wake me up. Make me realize that this _thing_ with Edward is nothing but an illusion. But now, I'm sitting here across the table from Peter, wishing I was any place than here.

I've had to listen to him explain all the different types of bagels. Um, Bella doesn't give a damn about bagels. It made me feel like I was thrown into the movie, Forrest Gump. I'm sure Forrest got tired of hearing of all the different ways to make shrimp from Bubba. _Well, maybe not_. But that's not the point. I just couldn't give a crap less. I didn't care about sourdough or sesame seeds. The only thing I wanted was to bust out of this joint.

"So, Isabella." He states, with a mouth full of food, "whatcha say we go back to my place after this? Movie – cuddling perhaps?" I inwardly cringe at the thought. I bet he has artwork of bagels all over that damn place.

"Um, I'm going to have to decline. I'm feeling pretty tired." I state simply, as I look at his plate. I see at least two or three more bites left.

He shrugs and goes back to eating his dessert. I really want to reach across the table and shove the rest of it in his mouth so I can get the hell out of Baghdad. I grab my purse sending out an SOS to Emmett.

_B: SOS – save a sister!_

About four seconds later my phone rings and I answer it. I try to keep the glee out of my voice, "Hello …oh no, what happened? Oh my god, what do I need to do …" I stop and fake listen as I hear Emmett making humping noises through the phone. "Okay, I'll be right there." As I hang up the phone quickly.

"Thank you for an interesting dinner." I try to smile, but it falls short as soon as I see Peter smile with some topping from the tiramisu in his teeth. "I have an emergency and need to go."

"It has been – but we can't leave the evening like this without a parting gift." he waggles his eyebrows at me. I grab my coat and stand quickly. I'm ready to make my way out the restaurant, not waiting on Creeps Magee behind me. I bob and weave through the tables. I take a glance behind me to see Peter throwing money down on the table. Thank god, because I was _not_ paying for this fury of what he likes to call 'fun'.

"Have a great night." The hostess calls after me, as I simply nod passing by her like a flash. I slip my jacket on as I push thru the doors, quickly flagging down a cab.

"Isabella, wait – damn wait a minute." Peter yells as I'm bouncing on my toes flagging down anyone that would stop. _Stranger – danger?_ Not me – right now I don't give a shit who picks me up.

I feel his hand on my arm as he spins me around to look at him. I look down at his hand and it doesn't feel right. This isn't the one that I want on me. This isn't the gentle touch I remember. I miss it. When I finally gather my wits, my eyes glance up at his face, noting a curt and creepy smile.

"Whatever you're processing in your mind, you …" before I can say anything his lips are on mine. I fight against him and he finally relents.

"Wow, I can't wait to do that again." He smiles and all I wanna do is hurl.

"Never, never again Peter." I flag down a cab. "Have a great night." I yell out the window as the cabbie speeds away. I am so repulsed right now. I'm disgusted with myself and how I acted. And, most of all, I am so mad at my brain that just won't relent, and give in to the need which would be Edward. I have endlessly avoided him after than night I showed up at his apartment. When I stepped in there, it felt like I belonged there, with Edward. Everything clicked into place. There hasn't been one thing in my life that's ever clicked. With him, everything fits – has its residence. And I know deep in my heart, it's him.

I pull out my phone, dialing the one person that will set this straight. Get opinions and I can figure out what to do with them.

On the third ring, the phone picks up but he doesn't speak right away. Instead I hear giggling. Listening to their little banter is adorable until I hear Emmett, "No you stop it. You're silly. Don't touch me there, it's special." And then more snickers, "hold on its Bella. I have to take this, Rose. No, you're dirty."

I am about two seconds away from hanging up. Thinking that I'm interrupting a 'special' time when Emmett's voice boomed across the phone.

"Bella! Hey honey, how was the date?"

Sighing, "horrible, Em. Simply disgusting, horrible, atrocious – you name it – and that's what it was."

"I told you not to try to bone the bagel guy. What, did he have a sesame seed as a peen?" he asks laughing, and I cringe.

"I did not want to bone Peter. Be serious, Emmett. You know the reason I did it. I can't let someone who feels so good get close to me. They always fuck me over. Well, except for you – but you're the exception. You're Emmett. My Emmett. You know the secrets I keep." I rush out.

"When you're talking in your sleep." Emmett butts in, singing.

"Shut your face! I'm serious here."

"And so am I. Is he really that bad, Bella? _Jesus_, I want to kick you in your vagina. Wake up and smell the coffee beans. He wants your peaches and cream, bb. What more can I tell you? Suck it up – pull your head out of your ass – and just give him a chance."

"It's so hard." I mumble back to him.

"I know it is Bella. But this could be such a great thing. Plus, mother effer is fine to look at. I know when I met him back when I dated Ben. God, what I wouldn't have given for that man to swing the other way. Mmm hmmm. Yummy."

"Yes, I know he's hot. But it's like he knows every aspect of me already. It's like he knows my past, present, and future. Sure, we've hung out a few times …" I am cut off by the clicking of his tongue.

"Tsk …tsk …young grasshopper. You have been avoiding that boy like the plague since you tried to be one of the boys two weeks ago. Showing up at his door with pizza and beer – what did you expect? Then you turn around and hide underneath your desk, anytime he is at the office. You run into the bathroom. Hide in the stairwell. What the fuck B? You are not Tom Cruise and your life is not a Mission Impossible movie. Open those pretty hazel eyes of yours."

He finishes his little mundane thought just as the cab pulls up to my apartment building.

"Listen, Emmett. Thanks for the _shit-tastic_ pep talk. You really put this crap into perspective for me. I'll be in the office early tomorrow, and I'll be staying late. I'll see you in the morning."

"Get some sleep, Bella. Don't think too much about it. But, please just follow these few words of advice. Just let your heart flow like a mountain stream. And let your love grow like the smallest of dreams …" I cut him off quickly.

"Listen, my life is not a Bellamy Brothers song. Stuff it. Good night Emmett, and thanks for whatever you helped me with. Which was _nothing_!"

He giggles and I hear Rose laugh, "Night night my B." The phone goes dead as the elevator dings as I step on. I hit my floor number as I sag against the cool metal wall.

The ride up the four floors seems to take forever. I glance at my watch as the doors finally open. Stepping out and taking the few short steps to my door, I push my keys into the lock and swing it open.

_Finally freaking home!_

I don't even bother hanging up my jacket. I pull it off my shoulders and let it drop to the ground. Fuck it. I'll get it later. I walk to my kitchen and pull down a wine glass. Being as it's only nine at night, I pour myself a hefty dose of goodness. Taking a swing, I pull off my heels and toss them onto the carpet one by one. Slowly making my way to the couch, I pick up the remote – turning on the radio. I'm not in the mood to hear what the world is doing, I just need to chill out and relax.

_Oh hell to the no!_

"Fuck you, Adele. You and your cheesy shit! Especially this song." I say to nobody in particular as I click to switch the song on my playlist.

Taking another drink from my glass, I sit and listen to Barry Manilow. Yes, Barry is the man because he's at the _Copa, Copa cabaña. _Don't knock it until you have had something to drink. Right now, I'm currently expressing my need to couch dance. And I must say I'm getting pretty jiggy with it! Watch out Will Smith – couch dancing will take over the world, I can promise you that. I'm guessing this night isn't turning out as bad as it could have been.

See, this right here is why I prefer to be alone. In my bubble. My Bella bubble. Nobody to put Mack Daddy moves on me, no nasty breathing in my face, no unwanted touches. I'm my happiest when situations go my way - when I'm in control. But as of now, my emotions are playing a nasty trick on me. They are telling me one thing, while my head is trying to stay in the 'bubble zone'. No unwanted visitors allowed.

_Yes, my head has its own version of the little rascals club._

But I do want a certain visitor, and his name is Edward. He simply, oh how do you say it - makes me feel alive. He makes me feel like the girl I was ten years ago. The one who didn't have a care in the world. Making my parents happy getting exceptional grades, and being an honor student, yup, that was me way back then. I stood up for the little man when I could, or when my parents thought it was socially acceptable and the insisted I follow through. Looking back on it now, I know they were a crock of shit. _Full of it._ But in other cases, I really want to tell my head to shut the hell up. I want it to shut off completely. I have always played with a full deck, always colored with the brightest crayon. With Edward, I want to play with a full heart. And like Emmett said, I certainly wouldn't cover his head up in bed. Nu uh. No sir-e.

When I was a little girl, I had the 'every little girl' fantasy. Some knight would ride up on his gallant steed and save me from all the evil and wrong doing in the world. Um …now that I'm older, I know for certain that is a crock of shit.

Sure! I could marry Prince Charming, but that douche has a foot fetish that is out of this world. He only wants you by the size of your kicker. _Eh, _not my cup of tea. I hate when people touch my toes. _Freaks! _

_Unless it's those cute little women, acting all sweet to your face until they get a look at your feet. Then start speaking in their native tongue about how horrible they are. I'm on to you people._

Oh, then there is the Beast. That's a big fat _no_. First of all, the hair – gross. Was someone ever like, _'Burt Reynolds called – he wanted to let the beast know that he was jealous of his body fro.'_ They make clippers for that shit – or wax. I personally hate men with chest and back hair. Second, sure he makes you feel special because you are the first non-singing piece of furniture he's seen in decades. He does give her a kick ass library – but that's neither here nor there. Sure he turns pretty – but again, he has shitty hair. He needs a stylist, a.s.a.p.

Now, we have Aladdin. Now here is something that I could personally work with if I looked like Kim Kardashian. _Yep, think about it. Totally looks like her doesn't it. _He's the bad boy. The boys I do tempt myself to go after. He steals shit – and has a sassy monkey. He can give you a whole new world, and endless carpet rides.

Prince Eric could be a keeper. I mean he does love a woman who can't say anything, but damn, what man wouldn't? Am I right? But when you have a singing crab telling you to kiss the damn girl, it's kind of a turn off. Oh and a mangy mutt. Yeah, I'm not an animal lover.

Tarzan – banana hammocks, nut huggers, meat compactors, grape smugglers, and dong holster. Do any of those words mean anything to that man?

_Oh, I need to stop drinking because I'm talking about magic carpets, sassy monkeys, hairy men, foot fetishes and men in smuggling undies._

I take another pull from my glass and realize it's empty. I go back into the kitchen, putting the glass in the sink. Screw it; I'm drinking from the bottle. I click the next button on the remote and another song is playing that is more to my liking. Tilting the bottle and chugging back more wine as I sit back down on the couch.

My life sucks, and there is only one way to make it better. I have to stop wishing for the 'prince' people to come along. Damnit, I'm going to jump.

I slam the bottle down on the coffee table, "I'm going all in, throwing my cards out on the table." I say to nobody but myself. Where is that invisible friend you had as a child?

I'm absolutely tired of sitting here alone in my apartment on a weekend, or spending hours alone at the coffee shop. I want someone to enjoy the park with me. Sit down under a tree and have adult conversation that is more than about work. I need someone in my life. I'm a dull person now that I actually stopped to look at it.

Emmett says that Edward wants this, well damnit, if he's right, then Edward is going to get it.

. . .

I wake up some time in the morning to the alarm clock blaring in the other room. I notice that I'm not in my bad, instead I am on the couch, and I have a bottle in between my legs that's empty.

_Hmmm …must have fallen asleep and never made it to the bed. _

Jumping up, I run to the other room to shut off the alarm. I look at the time noticing I'm not that far behind, and turn to the bathroom, ready to start this new day.

I'm going with my gut, my instincts, and Emmett. I just hope to god he's right.

Stepping into the shower, hot water instantly relaxes those muscles that I put a strain on when I slept in a corpse seating position all night.

I wash and condition my hair, taking no time at all. I grab the soap and start to work on all parts of my body. I am wishing my hands were replaced by someone else's. It's been too long since I've been touched, and I'm feeling a little neglected. Moving my hands all over my body, thinking that they are Edward's; having him touching me in those delicate places, pressing me up against my shower wall. His warm breath spreading across my face as he reaches down and hooks my leg over his hip. My hand is making quick hard circles over where I need it most, fingers dipping into myself. Silently wondering how big he is, or how small. _That might be disappointing. _I finally reach up and remove the shower head, turning it to the 'girl' setting, and slowly replace my fingers with the strong warm jet of water spraying out right where I need it to be. Before too long, I'm crying Edward's name as I am thinking naughty thoughts about him fucking me in the shower – in bed. His mouth descending on me, his tongue pressing into me over and over. Grey - blue eyes looking up from where he's positioned has me cumming hard in a matter of seconds.

I clean myself up again, feeling frisky after my little 'rub in the tub'. It feels good to cum like that again. It feels as if a hundred elephants have finally gotten off my back.

Dressing quickly, letting my hair fall where it lay, I run out the door of my apartment and into an awaiting elevator that just so happened to be empty and stopped on my floor.

I think things may be turning around today.

. . . . .

I make it to the office in record time, only to be greeted by Emmett sitting with his feet propped up on my desk.

"Ah, good morning sunshine!" He says, pulling his feet from my chair. "First of all, here is your coffee. Secondly, what happened to being in here early?" He asks but looks at me a little funny. "You diddled the fiddle didn't you?"

I know I have a blush the color of roses creeping up. I cannot give it away. I must stand tall and not break my façade.

"No Emmett. Would you please remove yourself from my desk? This is not yours, and I would appreciate it if you would keep your feet off of mine." I firmly state, as I grab the cup from him. Where was he last night? No, he was too busy tickling the shit out of Rose.

"Now, please tell me you have work to do? In fact, I know you do." I state, as I turn and sit at my desk. I stare at it with vengeance.

_Fucking Asshole._

"Pete stopped by uber early this morning. He was looking for you and I said that you were unavailable. He wanted to pass along a _specially made bagel _for you. Enjoy that token of lust! Oh, I think it's suppose to resemble a heart, but I'm not sure." He laughs as he walks out of my office and to his desk.

When I finally look at it more carefully, it's in the shape of a …_oh god no …_ a freaking vagina. That man is getting fired. There will be no more Peter coming into this office, bringing derogatory bagel shapes. The worst part is it's one of my favorites. A cranberry bagel – so that means not only does it look like a vag, but it also has red specks in it.

_Gross!_

Maybe this day isn't going to be all that great?

. . . . .

What seems like minutes – is actually hours later, Emmett comes barging into my office.

"Someone got an invite."

Looking up from my computer, I look at Emmett shaking the envelope like a Polaroid picture.

"What are you talking about? What is it for?" I question as a huge – cheesy grin spreads across his face.

"It's to the Young extravaganza that we just finished up. All that hard work paid off I guess."

We did work hard on this project. Emily Young is an up and coming designer of the arts. She specializes in sculptures and modern art. A gallery just picked up her pieces to be shown in the SoHo district. This gallery had a list of wants and needs to appease their artist. Having spoken on the phone numerous times with Emily and the curator of the gallery – everything seemed to fall into place. She wanted it to be a black tie affair with a portion of her proceeds to go directly to charity. Having been an abused female – she felt the need to raise money for women's shelters around the area that were in great need. Furthermore, spreading the word that her art is what helped her through her darkest times.

I was extremely flattered to have worked on this project and to have had the chance to help out. We accomplished the task in an extremely time pressed situation. It was one of Swan Designs finer moments, if I do say so myself.

Emmett tosses the invitation on my desk and I promptly open it up to detail what I already know - because hell, we even did the invites. Only mine was simply written as a personal invite.

_Dear Isabella:_

_Your__ hard work is __well __appreciated as is the charitable gift you have given. In token of my utmost thanks, I would be delighted __for you to attend __my showing as a special invitee. The event is on May twenty-second at seven o'clock. _

_Please also, invite a guest if you wish. _

_Sincerely,_

_Emily Young_

This is the best part of my job, and my employees feel the same way. When someone expressed their gratitude in a personal way, it makes you feel on top of the world.

"It says you should invite a guest, Bella." Emmett breaks my train of thoughts.

"Well, that's easy. You're coming with me." I state as a fill out the RSVP card that is also in the envelope.

"No can do, Cinderbella. This is one ball your prince charming cannot go to." He shakes his head at me.

"First of all, Prince Charming is nasty – has a foot fetish. Second of all …" I look down at the card and I have already marked the guest attendance, "I've already marked it. You're coming." Because if I was to white it out or scribble through it, it makes me look unprofessional or like I can't make up my mind.

"Nope, not this time."

"And why the hell not?" I'm starting to get irate with the friend and co-worker that's standing in front of me.

"Because darling B, it's our anniversary." He nods.

"Oh hell, are you kidding me? What? It's been like one month Em. You can't have a one month anniversary date. That's uncalled for. Nobody does that."

Shaking his head, "it's been two, and who cares what everyone thinks. If we want to go to dinner and watch Juno all night, we can. And we are. There's no use in trying to empty your nasty trash can on me. Find someone else." Jutting out his hip and snapping his fingers in the air.

"What the hell? I thought you were my right hand man? Where is the loyalty?" I'm flabbergasted. Jesus, _who_ am I going to find last-minute. It's Wednesday for god sakes. The showing is freaking Friday night. _Fuckity – fuck fuck – double fuck!_

Okay, calm down Bella. First things, first.

I beep through the phone to Tanya, "Tanya, my office please?"

"Right away." Replying back.

Not even two seconds later, my friend and employee comes into my office with a smirk on her face.

"Why the cheese, T?"

"I already know what you need, and it's waiting to be picked up from Sax. Emmett is on his way there now to inspect it for approval. He said it was the least he could do since he wasn't going to be able to go with you that night." she smirks.

"_Fanfuckingtastic!_ I knew I loved you for a reason, but don't let it get to your head." I laugh, "but in another matter, I accidentally checked _guest_ on this invitation, because I though Emmett was going to come through for me. Apparently his 'ship' is 'sailing' into Rose's harbor that night." I state using my fingers as quotes.

"Okay, so what do you want me to do?"

"What about your brother?" I look at her, hoping I could get him to come.

"Nope, he's got a girlfriend now." She shakes her head.

"Fuck."

"You can say that again." She laughs, "What about Edward?" she asks, cutting her eyes in every direction but mine.

_Edward in a suit. Edward dressed up. This could be a deadly combination. Maybe he has plans?_

"Nope, not good juju, Tanya." I shake my head, "there is something deadly about that man."

"Could you imagine what he would look like in a suit, better yet, a tux?" she smiles at me.

I nod.

Besides avoiding Edward like the bubonic plague these past few weeks, we have really hit it off. There's something there.

"I'm going to think about it." I state as I grab another folder off my inbox. This time it's a photographer's prints that need to be adjusted and finalized.

"That's all Tanya. Thanks for the dress." I smile at her and she stands, walking out my door.

_I just need to bury myself in work right now. _

_Actually someone needs to bury themselves in me. That would be better._

. . . . .

The light outside my office has now turned dark and all the employees have gone home hours ago. I'm still sitting at my desk, hovering over the keyboard and mouse trying to figure out the lighting issue with this photo.

_No wonder the team gave this to me, it's a bitch. _

I've kicked off my shoes and taken off my suit jacket. I throw it over the chair as I turn to plug-in my iPod, wanting to relax and kick this into gear. Walking back to my chair, I tuck my feet underneath me ready to get down to business – Damnit, I'm going to complete this before the night ends.

My stomach is growling so loudly considering I didn't have time to eat today. I was too busy running around like a chicken with their head cut off. This person needing this – that person needing that – everyone needed my signature all at the same time. I'm seriously thinking about investing in a stamp. I look over and see the bagel that Peter pumpkin eater left me. Eyeing it up, feeling my stomach rumbling a little louder, I reach for it. I try not to look at the offending piece of food as I take a bite out of it. Even though it's a little disturbing to see me eating a coochie shaped bagel, it's really freaking good.

When I'm about half way thru, there's a knock at my door. Considering all the employees are home and cuddling and laughing with loved ones, I haven't the slightest idea who the hell is there. I look quickly for the sharpest item I can find – my eyes landing on a letter opener.

"Come in." My voice failing me as I tried to sound demanding, but I'm literally scared out of panties.

I see the doorknob turn and a head pops thru the opening, _Oh thank all things holy. _

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I say throwing down the metal object and sighing back into my chair.

"Hi." He said timidly as he pushes open the door a bit more and his hand lifts showing that he's holding a few take out boxes, "I brought dinner." He smiles, as he walks over to my desk.

I nod, "that is so sweet of you. Thanks. Well I hope its thanks – is some of that for me?" I ask. The bagel is now churning in my stomach.

The butterflies appear as he steps around my chairs, and before I know it, he's behind my desk placing the take-out boxes down on a clear spot.

"I haven't seen you in a while. When I was on my way back to drop off the paperwork, I noticed your office light was still on. So, I figured I would take a chance and got us something to eat." He gives me a nervous laugh.

Not thinking before doing so, just like the coffee shop, I reach up and kiss him on the cheek. But he surprises me when his hand quickly rises to cradle the back of my head, holding my lips to his face. I feel him lean in, a smile playing on his lips.

"You're welcome." He says, as he releases my head.

Clearing my throat, "what do we have?" I start to open the boxes.

I see pot stickers, lo mein, fried rice, steamed veggies and crab ragoon.

"I got a little bit of variety. I wasn't sure what you liked." He shuffles from one side to the other.

"Stop being fidgety." I say, even though I can't keep my self from shaking. "It's perfect."

"Sorry, I just haven't seen you. I was afraid you were avoiding me or something. I was afraid I overstepped." It's not that he did, but my head is a brick wall.

"No, I've just been busy that's all." I nod trying to believe my own lie.

"Good." He says with his hand waving over the food. "Please go ahead, get yours first. I could hear your stomach from the hallway." He says laughing.

"How long were you standing outside my door, creeper?" I smile back.

"Long enough." His smile reaches his eyes and it's really hard to look away from them, but I have to. The smells that are wafting under my nose are too good to ignore. He walks away to the kitchen and returns with plates for us, handing them to me, along with the silverware.

"I don't need these." I pick up the chop sticks as he does the same. When the food is all divided, it's a comfortable silence that fills my office. The tunes playing in the background. The gentle and subtle smiles that are thrown at each other as we laugh as the noodles slurp. I need to ask him that important question. I've pondered it all day long, figuring out whether I want to invite Edward along this Friday or not. Can my body and mind handle it? I'm still not sure. _It's better knowing than not knowing._

"What are you doing Friday evening?" I ask, looking at the noodles on my plate.

"Nothing, probably editing some stuff, Why?"

"Do you want to accompany me to a showing this Friday. It's a black tie event. Emily Young is displaying her new work, and it's for charity. Emmett is usually my go-to guy, but he's unavailable. So I thought you and I could go …you know. If not that okay, not a big deal …" I'm cut off by my ramblings by a laughing man sitting across from me.

"I'd love to." He says shrugging. "It will be a good time. I know Emily in passing. I would love to go with you." He says.

I take a deep breath in relief but the anxiety grows.

After our impromptu dinner is done, I grab the plates and take them to the kitchen.

When I return back to my office, I see Edward leaning over looking at my computer screen.

"What are you working on here?" he asks.

"I'm trying to fix and configure the lighting and the color. It's just not working." I explain, moving to my desk. He side steps me as I sit back down.

I feel his proximity behind me, and before I realize it – he's hovering over me. Not really realizing until this moment how much taller he is than me.

_Well, you're sitting in a chair dumbass._

I feel his hand cover mine on the mouse and there are little tingles that run straight up my arm. They are moving at such quickness that I feel it in my belly all in one. My eyes turn to look at his hand covering mine, as he continues gliding the mouse around the screen.

"What if you do this, and adjust this … here." His breath is hot moving across my ear. I feel the heat radiating off his face, causing places on my body to engulf and ignite. When I feel his nose nuzzle into my neck sliding up and across my jaw, a low moan escapes without me knowing.

"What are you doing to me?" I ask in a breathy voice.

"Showing you." Whispering against my neck. I try to spin my chair around but I can't because he has me locked in place. So I decide to just slide by body to the side and look up at him.

I see pure lust in those gorgeous grey eyes, radiating – speaking to me.

"Showing me what exactly?" I whisper back. I'm afraid to ask, but more afraid of the answer. I don't want him to be some fling. Just to get off. And then tootle on to the next girl.

"What I want." he shrugs and smirks.

"And what is that?" I know the answer. Because it's my answer to everything. He's my home – he's my everything. I'm sick and god damn tired of fighting it. I want this man, the man standing in front of me. I know now that Emmett was right. He's taking charge. Something that I could never do. I always let my head lead. My heart is always left in the dust. I know now that this – whatever this is between us – it's only going to grow stronger. When I spent that weekend with him, it was the best weekend ever. Granted it scared the shit out of me, but I want more of those. No more hiding, no more backing away – avoiding the situation. I'm ready to grab it by the horns.

"I want you, Bella. I want all of it. Can I have it?" The way my name rolls off his lips is desire driven.

I nod frantically. "Yes."

* * *

**_sooo - did you all like it? Let me know what you thought, or what you think is gonna happen in EPOV next Thursday! _**

**_A special thanks to SunflowerFran for making it purdy! - I think she's a little mad at me for leaving it here. *winks*_**

**_Thanks also to all of you - gah! Getting a review is Epic! i love them all so much! Also thank you for the alerts and favs! MUAH! _**

**_Be sure to check out my face book page - twiddles & bits for little sneaky peeks! _**

**_See ya - Oh wait a minute - next weeks is Turkey day here in the states. Who wants an update early to kick off the long weekend?_**

**_LOVE! Mandi_**


	11. Chapter 11

I stand here, staring at my reflection in the mirror. Tonight is the gallery showing with Bella. Ever since she invited me, I've been a bundle of nerves. Ever since that night in her office, my thoughts have been crazy.

When I told her that I wanted it all with her, I don't think she full understood the meaning of those words. After she answered me, I stood there stunned for a moment. Never once, did I consider her answer would be what I hoped for.

_Hovering over her as she sat in her chair, "Yes?" I questioned making sure her answer was the correct one that I heard._

"_Yes, Edward." _

_I slowly lifted my hands until they cradled her face. Taking one last look in her eyes before my mouth descended on hers. I was __met with the fierceness of __her lips. They were __fire, while mine were ice. __They instantly melted __as__ I pushed her further back into her chair. It was consuming and it made my knees weak. This feeling that finally, __after all this time, __I am getting something I have wanted for what seems like forever; Bella Swan. _

_I may have taken the initiative to tell Bella what I wanted, but she's circling it back on me. She's giving me what she wants. I feel her hands sliding up my arms; __fingers __finding my hair__,__ as she gently grips it, pulling me into her more as her mouth opens. _

_I'm met with the sweet flavor of her, mixed with the food that we have eaten. I'm meeting her in the middle. Tongues are mixing as well as our heavy breaths. My body drops to my knees in front of her__, and __my hands are now __on__ the small of her back. I bring her body closer to mine. I hear the rustle of fabric as her lower half slides closer to me. Needing to take a few breaths, I pull back a little and glance __down, seeing __her spread legs cradling my body__, as I rest myself between her thighs__. I experience her heat pressed against my stomach and I can't help the little moan that escapes me. Her toes rubbing the back of my calves, sliding her feet back and forth. When I look up I'm met with a look from her that I've never seen before._

"_Is that all you wanted, Edward?" __A __shy smile playing on her lips. I can tell she's trying to front it, but it's not working._

"_No," I shake my head slowly. "It's far from what I want, Bella." I slide my hands up her arms. Goosebumps following the trail as I slide my hands further up to her face and swipe my thump across her bottom lip. _

I finish fixing my tie as I walk over to the dresser. I place my camera in my pocket, and then move to spray on cologne and slide on my watch. I look down at it, noticing that I only have a few minutes before I have to leave to pick her up.

_God, I don't want our first__...__whatever you call it, to be ruined by her getting upset because I'm late. _

She may not like the accommodations for tonight, but I refuse to take a cab.

When I step out of the back entrance of my apartment with keys in my hand as well as the helmets, I move over and uncover my mode of transportation.

My moped.

_Hey, do not knock it. It's badass. _

Having a car in New York City is completely ridiculous. My moped works out perfectly. The gallery is on the other side of town from where we are. So instead of paying a high ass taxi bill, that will more than likely be inflated due to traffic, I'd rather let the wind blow around us and have some fun for the night.

I put the helmet on my head, as I straddle the motorbike. I rock it back off the stand and I start it up. Letting it run for a minute since it hasn't been started in a few weeks. I take a deep breath and try to plan how tonight will play out. I'm trying not to think about it too much, but I don't want to fuck it up, either.

. . . . .

I pull up to Bella's apartment with a few minutes to spare. I turn it off as I step onto the sidewalk. Holding both helmets in my hands, my steps quicken as I enter the lobby of her apartment.

As the elevator opens, I step in and speak to the gentleman waiting for instructions, "Four please." I ask and he nods. He seems to be a man of few words or that could just be his job detail.

The ride up is silent except for the sounds of the car moving. The elevator stops as I thank the gentleman, and I feel my feet get heavy as I get closer and closer to her door.

I take a deep breath before knocking three times. My heart is pounding in my chest. I hear my pulse in my ears. I drop the helmets in the hallway. For some reason, I want my hands to be free when I see her. I want to hug her, kiss her, _anything_ she will give me.

"Just a minute, Edward. It is you, right?" she laughs.

"Uh, yeah. It's me." I yell back through the wooden door.

For what seems like an eternity, but was probably not even a minute, Bella opens the door. There are no words for how beautiful she looks. A wide smile enhancing her features.

"Hey, come on in. I just have to grab a few things. Make yourself at home." She steps back opening the door wider, wine glass in her hand, as my feet carry me over her threshold into her home.

For some reason, this time is different. I mean we pretty much knocked the petty bullshit aside that night in her office. We're _together_.

As soon as I enter her home, I reach over moving some hair off of her shoulder, "you look beautiful." I smile at her as I gently kiss her. I feel and hear the giggle from her lips.

"Thank you. I must say you look devilishly handsome in your suit." She takes another sip of her wine as she eyes my body up and down.

"Thanks. So - are you excited about tonight?" I ask her, and internally cringe. _Geeze! Smooth exlax. _

"I actually am. But more because I get to spend the evening with you." She smiles as I see her glance up and over my shoulder, "let me just grab my things. Two minutes, okay?"

I nod as I watch her walk away. Quickly wiping my sweaty palms off on my pants as I glance in the mirror in her entryway, trying to tame my hair. It's a lost cause as I hear her heels approaching.

"Ready." She smiles and hands me her jacket. I grab it and hold it open for her as her arms slide in and I adjust the shoulders for her. I place a gentle kiss on her neck when I'm finished and I feel her shiver.

I offer her my arm as we exit her apartment. As soon as she turns to lock the door, I reach down and grab the helmets. I notice she's looking at them with a curious eye.

"Um, why are you carrying helmets?" she asks while pointing to them.

I reach out and grab her hand, "you'll see." I laugh at her humdrum expression.

Calling the elevator, I feel her settle in closer to me and I can't help but smile. The signal from the elevator pulls me from my internal fist pumping as I usher her in.

"Lobby please," she says sweetly as the elevator operator looks her over. I'm not too pleased with the devilish eye he has. When he finally looks up, I'm looking at him with a cocked eyebrow. He quickly diverts his gaze away from her.

"Yes, ma'am." As he pressed the button.

She slides in front of me, and pushes her backside against my front. I let go of her hand and rest them on her hips as one of her hands gently pats mine.

I'm guessing she needs to tell me something so I move down closer to her face, "jealousy doesn't suit you." She snickers.

Chucking with her, "probably not, but you do." I whisper right next to her ear.

She nods as I see the goose bumps reappear on her neck. Giving it a quick kiss as the car finally levels out and the doors open. Bella steps out as I follow quickly, grabbing her hand as we walk thru the lobby.

"Have a great night, Miss Swan." The doorman greets her and she nods.

When we step out on the sidewalk she looks around, "Where is the car Edward?" She asks craning her neck to look all around.

I move to step in front of her and spin around. I slowly sit back so I'm resting on the seat of the moped.

When her line of sight follows me, I hold out the helmet to her, "Here ya go." I smile as the look of shock is wrote all over her features. It quickly turns into something I've never seen before on her.

"Where the hell is the car, Edward?" she grits out.

"Right here." I wave my hand around my moped.

"A moped? Really? You thought this would be a fantastic idea?" she shakes her head as her arms cross, "You have to be kidding me?"

"Nope." I state as I push myself up from it.

Trying to hand her the helmet, "Put this on." I tell her as she pushes it further away from her.

"No way. Do you not realize how hard I worked on my hair? That helmet will ruin it." She states in disgust.

"Put on the helmet." I say more demanding.

"No!" she gets louder squaring me off.

"Yes!" I say a little louder.

"No, Edward. I will not put that thing on." she turns on her heel and tries to signal a cab.

"Bella, please …" I reach out and carefully grab her arm. I spin her around and hold her to me, "will you please just put on the helmet so we can leave and have a great evening together? I mean hell – it's like I need tap shoes or something in this thing. Me and bow ties do not get along. But I did it for you." I say looking into her eyes.

"No, this is ridiculous. I asked if you had the transportation figured out and you told me that you took care of it. Now, I'm greeted with a two-wheel death machine. We could get run over by taxi cabs. Have you seen the way they drive? They have no …" I cut her off quickly placing my lips on hers.

I hold her tighter in my arms, my entire body pressed up against hers. My lips are moving as hers finally give in. It's intense, passionate, loving, and chaotic. I hear small moans coming from deep within her as I pull back. Her eyes are still closed when I look at her.

Laughing a bit I ask, "will you please put the helmet on? Live a little. You never know until you try." I shrug.

She rolls her eyes at me as she snags the helmet out of my hands. "What if I eat a bug?"

"You swallow." I answer quickly.

"A wing or guts in my teeth?" she quickly asks.

"You use your tongue to get it out or I could help you out with that." I laugh.

"Oh you think it's funny?" she props her hand on her hip with the helmet dangling from the other one, "where will I put my things?"

"Under the seat." I move and prop open the seat for her to show here the little stow and go.

She huffs, "How am I not supposed to show everyone in New York City my hoo-hah riding this thing?"

I move to straddle my seat and turn and pat the spot behind me, "your 'hoo-hah' will be well protected. I promise you." I laugh as I see the contemplation in her eyes.

"Ugh, fine." She slams the helmet down on her head, "Here hold this." She hands me her purse as she buckles the straps. "This is stupid. Stupid. _Stupid._ Stupid." She chants as she steps over to the bike.

"Could you please remove that fine ass from its seated position so mine can get on? There is no way I'm hiking my leg up like some dog to climb over the seat."

I stand, which allows her to slide in behind me as I feel her jump up and slide back. The whole moped moves, and when it stills, I sit down and slide back which pushes her further back as well.

I wiggle just for good measure as I feel her voice mumble out something that sounded like 'too good.'

I start it up and walk it backwards a few steps. I twist the handle and we take off down the streets of the city. I feel her hands hold me tighter around my waist and I decide to make a brave move. One of my hands encased hers as I hear her giggling behind me.

"This makes me feel alive."

I nod and try to turn back to see her but I can't. Instead I'm yelling back at her, "you should have just trusted me."

"I know. My apologies." She hugs me tighter. I pat her hand to let her know it's fine. I thought it was kind of funny and cute how stubborn she was being. I feel her shift as I feel her body sliding up along mine.

"In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really great time tonight."

I laugh at her hi-jinx and turn my head slightly as she places a kiss on my cheek as her helmet bumps into mine. "Did you just quote, 'Pretty Woman'?" I ask her.

"Yep." She laughs.

"Nice. Well, in that case. I had a great time too." I smile.

"Is this your gallant steed that would pull up to my fire escape and rescue me with?"

"You don't need rescuing, Bella." I laugh.

"One day I might …hell, I think you already have." She says, as I feel her head fall onto my back. I feel the warmth of her breath through the fabric of my tux.

_No Bella – you rescued me._

. . . .

Much sooner than I hoped, we pull up in front of where the gala is being held. I step off first to help Bella. She quickly pulls the helmet off and shakes her head running her fingers thru her hair. To get the kinks out, even though there really isn't any.

"Your hair is still beautiful." I say as I pop open the seat to store the helmets and grab her purse, handing the valet the keys. The gentleman eyes me as I place them in his hand. He looks down and looks back up at me as I shrug.

_What is the big deal with people and mopeds?_

"Well, if it looks like yours, I'm in trouble." She smiles as she pushes up on her toes and runs her fingers through it a couple of times, "It's so soft. There's nothing in it, is there?" As she asks as I shake my head dying to have her fingers back in it.

"Come on, we have a showing to attend." I reach out and take her hand and pull it through my arm. She quickly follows catching up. We give the gentleman our names as he escorts us into the room. Looking around I can't help but wonder if it's going to be like this for me one day. Are there going to be lights displaying my work? Are there going to be people walking around with clipboards ready to take bids on certain pieces? People judging everything you've done with their own artful eye. The thing is, the pieces that I have – I don't want them sold. I want to keep them for myself. But I know that's not how you make it in the art world. To make money you must be willing to sell. I know Charlotte has called me because Ben apparently put a buzzing in her brain about the pictures I've captured. She keeps leaving voice messages about how we need to get together and talk. She wants to look at my portfolio some more. The only ways to look at my things are at my apartment. I'm not going to be pushing those out into the open quite yet. So much is at stake, and apparently a lot is riding on this. Charlotte also says that my start should be with them. She is the one that first took notice of my talent. I mean, of course, she's been pushing me. Wanting me to do my best, getting me into that frame of mind. I guess she has, but finding Bella has made me push through that barrier. I know that if I didn't find her, my art would have been stagnate. I have a hard time starting something else when one object isn't finished.

I take a much-needed breath, trying to push back those thoughts.

I feel Bella move her hand up and down my arm, "Edward. Are you alright?" I nod, "we've been standing here for a couple of minutes – just wondering if everything is fine."

"Yeah, sorry. This is just – wow!" I say with a smile on my face. I reach over and grab her chin and give her a kiss. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Thank you for coming." She kisses me not once but twice.

We walk to grab something to drink. The bartender hands me a beer as well as Bella her glass of wine.

Walking through the gallery, it's amazing. Emily's sculptures are pretty fucking awesome. From modern art sculptures that are smaller to big – huge pieces that would adorn a backyard. There is one piece that I can't seem to take my eyes off of. Bella and I are discussing the pattern she used as well the strokes and material as I hear a familiar voice behind me.

"It's pretty fantastic isn't it?"

My body instantly stiffens and I can tell Bella is thrown off. I quickly spin around only to be greeted with the one person I could really give a shit less about seeing anymore.

"Leah." I grit out through my teeth.

"Hello Edward. It's good to see you." I see her lean forward, looking for some kind of touch or whatever – but that's not going to happen. I step closer to Bella as I grip her hand. I feel her other hand on my wrist as she silently tells me that it's hurting her. I ease up as I look at her. I see confusion and care in her eyes.

"Sorry." I whisper.

She shrugs and then reaches a hand out to Leah, "Hello, I'm Isabella Swan – and you are?" she asks with a smile.

"Leah. Nice to meet …" she is cut off by Bella.

"How do you know Edward?" she asks. Well why don't we just get to the point?

"Edward and I were together for a while. I certainly miss him." Leah smiles at me and I know I have a look of disgust on my face.

"Bella – it wasn't anything like that. Don't let her fool you." Pulling my eyes away from the evil wench that is standing across from me.

"Oh trust me, I won't." she winks at me and giggles. Her laughing abruptly stops when Leah spouts off the one thing I want to tell Bella myself.

"Oh my god. You're her. You're the one that I saw …"

"Shut up, Leah. It has nothing to do with you." I grit out.

"She's the one from …"

"Stop it. Stay the hell away from me." I spew out. "What will it take to get you to stay away from me? Go home to your _husband_ and your _children_. I want nothing to do with you anymore." I finish as I take a deep breath.

"Are you telling me …this chick right here …has a husband and kids – yet wants you?" Bella looks a little confused.

I simply nod as she turns back to Leah, "Well aren't you just a chip off the ol' block?" she laughs as Leah looks as if she's fuming.

"It wasn't like that, it meant more …I loved you …I still …" she looks as if she's about to cry.

I step closer to her as I feel the resistance from Bella's hand, "Stay away from me. You have no idea about the meaning of the word. I do, and I realize when I said those words to you they meant nothing. _Nothing._ I know what it feels like to be there – to be in love. I still …" I smoothly spew out as I step back and turn towards Bella when she gently yanks my arm.

"She's not worth the energy." She places a hand on my cheek. "She's a memory right? Then let her stay there where she belongs. She seems like bad juju. We don't like bad juju."

"You ready to move along?" I smile as she rises up and kisses my cheek.

"Absolutely! I'll go anywhere with you." I see more than just a statement there in her eyes.

We left Leah standing there, looking as if she was about to explode.

When we get a little further away, Bella stops me, "You're going to explain that right? I mean I don't want to pry or anything, but it just seems a little strange." She's asking for the one part of my past I wish I could forget.

I nod, "I'll explain it."

"Wait, what did she mean by 'it's me'? I'm confused."

"Oh – well …" fuck I'm busted. I don't want to bring up the pictures now. _Jesus Christ_, did she really have to go there?

"I don't know what she was talking about. Maybe it was the fact that your company set up this showing? She could have been an admirer or something." I shrug trying to play it off.

"Possibly." She shrugs, "well I'm out of wine, and you need a beer – possibly two or three." She laughs breaking the tension.

We make our way over to the bar to order more drinks, even though I'm cautious. I can still feel her eyes on me.

I sit down on one of the stools by the bar and Bella quickly takes her place in between my legs. I pull her closer to me, "I'm sorry." I state. I'm a bit embarrassed that I could have quite possibly spilled the beans about being in love with her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I love a good drama filled evening." She scoffs, "for what it's worth, she lost out. But I am dying to know what happened. Apparently she still loves you, Edward. I know you say you didn't, but it seems as if she got sucked into your web of handsomeness or something."

I can tell she's trying to lighten up the mood around us.

"I just wanted this evening to be everything you wanted. It was officially our first date and you're greeted by a terrible ex of mine that I rather forget."

"The evening is not ruined, not at all." Her hand is rubbing my thigh up and down. I focus my feelings on that instead of the burning hatred for Leah.

"Tell me. Maybe if you got it out, you'll feel better. Then we can go say our goodbyes and go do something else. This stagnate feeling I'm having is unbearable." She looks around at the people moseying around the room.

"Let's go." I place my beer back on the bar and grab hers to do the same.

"Even the wine sucks." She laughs, "I'm not too sad that I'm not going to finish that."

I grab her hand as Bella walks up to Emily – hugging her and wishing her luck in her future ventures and I do the same. When I go to walk away – Emily stops me.

"Charlotte was here." She whispers to me and I nod, "she was hoping to see you. But when we saw you, it seemed like you were in a heated discussion with my sister."

My mouth drops open, "Leah is your sister?" I ask astonished.

"Yeah, what happened over there?" She asks, as I quickly change the subject.

"I'm going to talk to Charlotte this week." She steps back knowing the question and answer session is done.

"Thank you for coming."

"Good luck, Emily." I say as I turn around.

I find Bella and usher her out of the building, handing the valet man my card.

"Be back in a jiffy." He says, as he takes off in a slight jog.

Bella turns to me as I help her with her jacket, "where are we going?" she asks me and I smile. I want to take her to her favorite spot. She doesn't know that I know.

"Someplace that I go to gather my thoughts."

"Sounds good." she smiles as the valet man returns with my moped. I give him some cash as he hands over the keys. I pull the helmets out, and luckily there is no fight with her this time about 'helmet hair.'

"Your chariot awaits." I smile as she finishes buckling the straps and slides on the seat.

"Your steed has a squishy seat. I like it." she smirks.

I feel her arms wrap around me and it's the best feeling in the world, rather than kissing her. I start-up the moped and take off.

. . . . .

We pull up to the park a little while later, and get off. I see her slide her shoes off walking barefoot in the grass. My camera is burning a hole - itching in my pocket.

"Bella, do you care if I take a picture of you?" I ask her. Maybe the photos wouldn't be such a shock if she notices some of them are the ones I asked for.

"Only if you promise to tell me the story of the wicked witch?" I nod as she continues on, "where do you want me."

"How fond are you of that dress?" I ask.

"It's not my favorite."

"The shadows would be epic if you would lie down on your stomach on the sidewalk. Would you mind?"

"Nope – how about right here?" She points to a spot as I walk over and direct her where to lie down.

"Here would be perfect." She nods and proceeds to lie down and then looks at me.

"Don't look at the camera – just look straight in front of you." She quickly turns her head and I'm instantly snapping pictures. Her shadow giving off the contrast I was looking for.

"So tell me about her." She asks.

I'm instantly drawn back to the time with Leah.

"I wasn't looking for someone to be with at the time. My thoughts and efforts were all about school and passing. I was at the park one day and she fell. At the time I didn't know it was an act, and I was genuinely concerned. We started seeing each other – and it grew into more, or I thought it did. She took …certain things from me." I didn't want to go into detail as she nods, wanting me to go forward.

"To keep an extremely long story short – she apparently was a lonely housewife that had needs on the side. I was her _go to _guy. Whenever she needed to be 'satisfied' she called me. I thought it was actually a relationship, but as it turned out, it was only but a mind-fuck for me and a benefit state of affairs for her." I take a deep breath. "I didn't know she was married, nor had children. She hid that side from me. Apparently, her husband found out and came looking for me. Eventually he found me, kicked the shit out of me – told me to never look at his wife and yadda yadda yadda. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror for days. My eyes were swollen shut."

I was stopped by Bella's arms encasing my middle. "No more, Edward. It doesn't matter." She shakes her head. "What an evil fucking tramp to do that to someone." Her hands are running up and down my back.

"You don't have to worry about that with me." She says earnestly. "Can we go now? Anywhere you want to?" she asks.

I nod, "my place?" I ask her.

"Perfect."

. . . . .

About thirty minutes later – I park my moped behind my building. Stepping off, I wait for Bella, giving her a hand climbing off.

I quickly cover it up and push thru the back door, pulling Bella with me.

"I feel like we are on a mission." She laughs. "I've never been through the back door before. After all the time I've been here, you surprise me. Should I feel honored that you just took my back door cherry?" I can tell she's trying to lighten the mood.

"Seriously?" I laugh at her. "Why are we talking about your back door policies Bella?"

"Because you're laughing." She smiles and I stop on the second landing and pull her close to me. My forehead is touching hers, our breaths mixing with one another.

"Thank you for a wonderful evening." She smiles and I lean down and kiss her lips. They're soft, supple – pulling back to lick my lips – I repeat it. Simple moans are falling from hers as my tongue tastes the inside of her mouth. Mine is moving with hers in a frisky kind of tango. I feel myself being pushed gently backwards until my body hits the wall. I fun my hands up her sides until they are resting just below her breasts. My breathing picks up just as she pulls back looking deep into my eyes.

"Do you have anything to drink?"

"I have beer. I didn't think or plan on you coming home with me tonight or I would have picked something up. Not that I'm complaining at …" her fingers cuts off my rambling. I don't know why I'm so fucking nervous all of a sudden. I start to pull on the bow tie making it looser around my neck. I feel like my brain is shutting down on me and that stupid thing was cutting off blood circulation.

"Beer is perfect. Let's go." She reaches in my pocket for my keys. Pulling them out she starts to quickly jog up the last flight of stairs.

When we reach my apartment door, she has the keys pushed quickly in the lock. She jiggles the door handle until it released. She pulls the keys out handing them back to me.

"Here ya go." She laughs as she kicks off her heels again and enters my home. I shrug out of the jacket and throw it, along with the tie, over the couch. Quickly removing the cufflinks and placing them on the counter. I roll up my sleeves – happy to be a tad more comfortable.

"God, it feels so good here, ya know? It's like this place is so comfortable. Or maybe it's just you." She walks around mumbling and talking to me in cut off sentences.

I walk to the fridge, grabbing two beers and popping the tops off of them. I walk over to her, giving her one. She takes a long pull from it.

"It's been a long damn time since I've had a beer." She smiles and takes another drink.

"I like it." I smile as she spins around to take another stroll around my abode.

I sit on the couch and watch her take everything in. There isn't much here. Just the standard furniture and you can see everything from where you stand. That's the great part about studio apartments. She walks over to the door to my photo room. I'm hoping that I locked that door because when she reaches for the handle, I tense up.

Jiggling the knob, "What's in here?" she asks pulling on the handle a little harder.

"It's my dark room." She finally relents moving back into the living room.

She moves over to the radio and looks for the power switch. She takes another drink from her bottle, "Ahh, found it. What's playin' Edward."

Quickly the room is filled with the sounds of a melodramatic voice. I hear a whispered 'no way' as she finds the button to reset the song from the beginning.

When the verses come through the speaker, I hear Bella start to sing along with the lyrics. Her raspy low voice is remarkable. She's singing the words with such feeling and soul.

"_There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light. In the fine print they tell me what's wrong and what's right. And it comes in black and it comes in white. And I'm frightened by those that don't see it."_

Her hips are swaying back and forth as she belts out the lines over and over. I can't help myself as I slowly stand up and make my way over to her. I don't want to interrupt her inner though process that's going on.

When she sings the next verse of the song, I can tell she knows I'm behind her, but not touching her. I know what this song means. It's her past and I've connected with this song on more than one occasion. It's clear that Bella is in the same boat.

"_When nothing is owed or deserved or expected. And your life doesn't change by the man that's elected. If you're loved by someone, you're never rejected. Decide what to be and go be it."_

When she finishes, I slide my hands around her waist and pull her to me. I take one hand and move the hair that's fallen between us. I move it back over her shoulder; I gently place my lips to the shell of her neck and move up to her ear and sing the next lines with her.

"_There was a dream and one day I could see it. Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it. And there was a kid with a head full of doubt. So I'll scream till I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out."_

When the last notes of the song are over, she spins in my arms as her mouth quickly finds purchase on my own. There is nothing gentle about this kiss. It's fucking raw. I like it, I want more of it. If I die breathing nothing but her, I would be happy. The loud moan that erupts from her chest spurs on my inner demon of taking things at a slow pace. I pick her up, and in an instant her legs are wrapped around my hips. I spin around to find something to press her against. absent-mindedly, the window is the best spot as her dress is bunched up around her waist as her mouths is now attached to my neck. I push her against it, not caring if she can feel how turned on and how hard she makes me. Her feet are digging into my ass, spurring me on. I give into her and keep pressing myself into her pussy in a rocking motion. Even though I'm in these uncomfortable as fuck tuxedo pants, I can feel the heat, and I can smell how turned on she really is. I, _Edward Cullen_, am making Bella Swan feel this way. Again, this is another moment that I've always wanted. Those thoughts alone are what makes me slowly back up. I don't want to ruin the moment, but when I feel Bella's lips still against my neck and a throaty moan escapes, I press into her one more time as I feel her body go limp.

"Where in the world did you come from Edward?" She whispers against my neck, sending shivers down my whole body. I press against her again.

"Some place you would least expect." I answer as I feel her lips moving back up to my face.

When we come face to face I can see her flushed expression, "And where is that?"

How am I supposed to answer this question? I know this isn't the time to have this kind of declaration of 'Hi, I'm Edward and I lusted after you for so many years'. I need to think about it, but I don't have much time. Instead, I come up with the first thought that flashes through my mind.

"In a van, down by the river." I laugh as she catches onto the phrase. Her laughter is music to my ears, as she grabs my cheeks and kisses me again.

_I'm a master of distraction._

* * *

_**AN: First of all - HAPPY TURK DAY TO EVERYONE WHO CELEBRATES THANKSGIVING! LET'S GIVE THANKS TO PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT BUCKLE SHOES AND LOIN CLOTHS WERE STYLISH! **  
_

_**NEXT - THANKS TO SUNFLOWERFRAN FOR HER RED PEN - AND TO WITCHYWOMAN FOR HER ENDLESS HELP WITH MY BRAIN BLOCK. THIS CHAP WAS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO GET THROUGH FOR SOME REASON. **_

_**THE SONG IN THE CHAPTER (WHICH I AM ADDICTED TO THESE 2 GRIZZLY ADAMS MEN) IS BY AVETT BROTHERS - HEAD FULL OF DOUBT. **_

**_AS ALWAYS - THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING! ALSO THANKS FOR THE ALERTS AND FAVORITES. THEY MAKE ME GIDDY! FOR ALL OF YOU THAT REVIEW - YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME! I LOVE FINDING OUT WHAT YOU THINK EVEN IF IT'S A SMILEY FACE!_**

**_LAST - BE SURE TO CHECK OUT MY FACEBOOK GROUP FOR ALL OF MY STORIES - FUTURE STORIES - AND TEASERS! LIKE YESTERDAY, I WAS IN A CRAZY TEASER MOOD! *THROWS CONFETTI*_**

**_TWIDDLES & BITS (JUST REMOVE THE STARS) www * facebook * com * groups * 129734767178078 *_**

**_MUAH! SEE YA NEXT WEEK! 3 MANDI _**


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N; Oh yes, we have an update people, and we will be back to our original program! Now that we are through with the holidays that seemed never ending as well as sickness that spread it's ever loving 'holiday cheer' throughout my home – it's becoming normal again! Thanks for being patient! **_

_**Thanks to my witchywoman for pre-reading and to the fantastic SunflowerFran for her Beta skills and using their feather dusters to make this thing shine!**_

_**Chapter song: P!nk – Just give me a reason**_

* * *

BPOV

"Knock, knock!"

I know that voice from anywhere.

_Edward_.

"Hey babe, what's up?" I greet him as I look up from my desk. "It's nice to see your smiling face finally up and at 'em today. Sorry, but I had to leave early - meeting. You understand, right?" I say, a little worried. I mean he knows what I have to go through to keep my business running. I don't know why I'm asking for his permission.

He nods, smiling at me as he holds up a bag, "I know. I actually was in the shower a little after you walked out the door. I got you something though. It's nothing big – no diamonds or anything." He says, somewhat worriedly.

I can sense he's a little nervous. I have seen that look before. He gets it when there is something important he's waiting to tell me. I don't know why he's nervous about this though. It's just a gift. Gifts are fun, and they show people how much you care about them. And love them.

_Holy shit, love? Did I love Edward?_

_Of course you love him. Jesus, it's been months. _

Holding the bag in my hands, they nervously shake at the thoughts of loving this man standing in front of me. Sure, I mean I've said I can see myself falling in love with him. My feelings are getting deeper and deeper for this outstanding person, and of course I've rolled the words around in my head a time or two. But to actually think them, and feel them, is on a whole other level. I'm just too afraid to tell him.

I have a feeling that Edward might be the one to fully understand me. He recognizes how hard I work and what my job and employees mean to me. Not once has he tried to come in between it. When I work late, more often than not, he comes and spends the remaining hours with me until what I have to complete is finally done. When I'm by myself in my apartment, it feels stagnate and cold. I find myself always wanting him there.

These feelings I'm experiencing are foreign to me. I don't know if Edward feels the same way. I hope he does. There have been a few times that I've almost let it slip, but before I do, I want to make sure we are on the same wavelength. I don't think my heart, nor my head, could handle the disappointment if this relationship is really nothing more than a way to fill in the gaps of his time.

Yes, we made it official. We are together, but with Edward, it seems like he's holding something back from me. I asked for honesty, and told him if dating me gets to be too much, that he would tell me. He said it's not a problem and then kissed me senseless. There is just a little imaginary man in the back of my head that's telling me to proceed with caution. I want to say fuck caution, but for some reason – I cant. I try and ask him what's bothering him. He just shrugs and I can tell something is right on the tip of his tongue, but it never comes out.

With the bag still in my hands, Edwards voice breaks through my inner monologue, "Are you going to open it?"

I nod as I tear through the tissue paper – pulling it and shredding it – coming face to face with a picture of him and me.

I gasp as I look at the photo. The man has talent, a shitload of talent. The world needs to see it. It was a picture that he took of us at the park just this past weekend. When he called to say he missed me and asked what I was up to, I told him I was enjoying the sunny day and reading. He joined me about thirty minutes later with coffees in hand as well as sandwiches. It was honestly one of the best days we've spent together so far.

"Do you like it?" he asks, as I look up to see him fidgeting.

"I love it, Edward," I whisper back to him with my hand gently covering my lips.

I sit at my desk and I look around at the few pictures that Edward has so graciously added to it.

"This is my favorite, by far. Your talent is extraordinary," I say in awe.

Looking around my office, there is another one where it's him and me on his moped on the way back to his place from the gala. There is pure happiness shown in every aspect of that one. Smiles and laughter, remembering it like it was yesterday, instead of just being a few weekends ago.

The other one that adorns my desk is of the both of us lying in his bed. My hair is all over the pillow, my face tucked into his side, a look of contentment on our faces. It's not the greatest, but to me it's everything. No, we haven't gone all the way yet, and I'm fine with that. Well, not really, but I'm not pressing the issue either. I want us to be more than just a few romps in the hay. I mean sure, he's petted my kitty and I've fondled his sausage, but that is about it.

Looking at that picture, I can't help but recall the day it was taken.

_I woke up in Edward's bed, alone. Pulling the sheets up around me, I sit up, and look around the room. I spot him sitting on the couch with a huge bowl of cereal flipping through channels on his television. I notice he's halfway dressed, with a sexy-as-fuck pair of sleep pants on that are barely covering the goods. _

_Pulling the sheet up higher, I swing my feet off the bed, and stand up. I make my way over to him, and when he finally realizes that I'm awake, a huge smile adorns his face._

"_Morning babe, did you sleep okay?" I nod as I pull the sheet that's dragging behind me closer. _

"_I did. Did you?" I ask him in return._

"_The best." He shyly looks away from me as he dips his spoon back into the bowl and takes a large bite of …ohh …Lucky Charms._

_I move to stand in front of him, blocking his line of sight. I step between his legs and he finally opens his arms as I move to straddle his lap. He looks up at me as I smirk when he puts another spoonful of cereal in his mouth. I follow the spoon with my eyes, and he finally catches on. He pulls another spoonful of cereal from the bowl and offers it to me. _

_I take it as graciously as I'm able, and I can't help the moan that leaves my mouth. Not caring about speaking with my mouth full, I tell him, "I haven't had these in forever." I chew and close my eyes. _

"_Well, these are my every morning staple, just like you are with your coffee." He nods to the kitchen and there sits a Venti coffee with my name on it._

"_I know how you are about your coffee, so I woke up this morning and got you one." He smiles as I lean down and kiss his cheek. I pull back as he offers me another bite and I smile. _

"_Thank you." Smiling as I start to make my way off his lap. _

"_No, I'll get it," he says, as he sets his bowl down and lifts my hips off of him. What I didn't notice before was the 'bump in the road' as he stands and adjusts himself. I can't help but laugh as he smirks at me. When he returns with my coffee, I take a sip as I drink in his body, never getting enough of it. _

"_You know. After what you gave me last night, I can help you out with that," I say, pointing to his problem._

"_You don't have to," he says, as he reaches for his bowl._

_I halt his movements as I stand and gently push him back onto the couch. _

"_Bella, last night was for you. I got as much out of it as …" I cut him off by quickly kissing him. Morning breath be damned. After what he did last night, this is the least I can do. I know he didn't cum, or maybe he did. Hell, I didn't know anything, as my eyesight was gone for a couple minutes. He made me cum so many times I basically passed out. His mouth is a glorious instrument, let me tell you._

"_Shut up, Edward. Let me make you feel as good as you made me feel last night." I drop down to my knees in between his parted legs, and slowly untie the sting holding these bad boys up. I can see him growing harder and I haven't even touched him yet._

_I look up and see his chest rising and falling rapidly as I pull the waistband up and over his hardened cock. _

"_Bella, you really don't …" his words are cut off again as I engulf him in one simple motion. _

"_Holy shit." He breathes out as his hips rise off of the couch. His thighs tighten under my hands and I squeeze them silently telling him to relax. _

_I moan around him as I move up and down. I can hear his breathing come out in short pants as I pull my mouth back up to the tip, sucking hard on the head. Flicking my tongue over him, as I slowly move back down, he lets out another groan that makes me squirm. I quickly start to quicken my movements as my hand comes to wrap around his hard length at the base - moving in rhythm to what my mouth can't handle. _

_Hearing him moan and grunt spurs me on as I hollow out my cheeks and reach down with my other hand and tug and squeeze his balls gently. I'm guessing that I have found his 'holy grail' as his words come out choppy._

"_Bella …move …oh shit …"He forces the words out and I feel his cock harden in my mouth. His dick twitches and starts to send a steady stream of cum in my mouth. As quickly as I can, I swallow it down while still stroking him. When my lips pop off around him, I am greeted with a lazy smile. _

"_Phenomenal," he says, as he tucks himself back in his pants. Sad to see my fun sausage be put away, I release a whimper. He laughs as he kisses me gently. When I open my eyes I notice something different in his. It's always there after we fool around. _

"_I …you know …l." That's as far as he gets before I shake my head at him. _

"_I know, babe. I know." I smile as I stand and turn to sit by him, as we watch mundane television, listening to the rain pelt the window. _

That was the day he told me the full story of what happened between him and that Leah chick; you know, basically, the she-whore used him as a real life dildo. So I decided to let Edward set the pace. I'm not going to pressure him into it, but that's not to say we haven't had fun in the process.

"Thank you so much for the picture baby." I stand and walk over to the bookshelf that adorns my one wall. I gently place the picture and frame on the second shelf. I stand there for a moment and look over it again.

"You know, you need to do something with this talent. Your work is too remarkable not to let others see it. ." I turn around to look at him when he didn't respond. I see a faint blush coloring his cheeks as he smiles.

"I'm actually working on that," he says looking at me. I see a change in his eyes. I don't know what it is – and to be honest – it's driving me crazy.

"Good." I walk up to him and kiss him. He grabs me around the waist and pulls me closer to him.

He pulls back with a smile on his face. "What are your plans for tonight? I was thinking that maybe we could go somewhere for dinner or just hang out …naked …with each other." He winks and kisses my lips again.

"I'm sorry, but I have a girls' night. Well, girls' night plus one Emmett and Rose. I'm guessing she's included since …well …ya know." I move towards my chest, squeezing my pretend boobs. "So I'm thinking she would probably tag along, which sucks because nobody else will have their significant others there." I pout but he reaches up and tugs on my bottom lip.

"It's fine, Bella. No biggie. I can find something else to do." He smiles. "Well, I just wanted to drop that off, and to say have a good day. I'm glad you liked it. It's one of my favorites, too." He kisses me again and it's one of those sweet, affectionate kinds.

"Mmm, me too. Thanks again. Have a good day, be careful. You're going to be busy today since it's Thursday." I laugh.

"My boss sucks ass you know. If she wasn't so beautiful I would quit. I mean, at least she's nice to look at." He looks off into space as I gently slap his chest.

"Get out of here, nerd. Talk to you later." I smile and kiss him one more time.

"Okay. I lo …" he cuts his words off quickly and hurries out the door.

_Damnit. Just give me the words already._

**. . . . .**

How in the world can I get any work finished up when my phone is constantly being blown up by my friends? I'm seriously contemplating turning the damn thing off when a series of texts flash through at once from none other than the queen himself.

**Bella boo boo – where r u? -Em**

**I'm finishing things wrk. B there soon. Oh, by the way – don't**

**ever reference Honey Boo Boo n relation 2 my name again or**

**u will be spending time in an unemployment line! –B**

**Oh u know it's cute and plus who else would tell u ur ass looks horrible? **

**Get ur ass down here. We r waiting on u! – Em**

**Give me 2 min. –B**

**NOW! –Em**

I don't even respond back to him as I type the last remaining paragraphs. Finally feeling at least a little ahead for tomorrow, I quickly shut down my computer. I grab my heels from under my desk and head to the bathroom to switch out my slacks for my favorite pair of jeans. Leaving my shirt as it is, I run my fingers thru my hair and reapply some make-up. Feeling somewhat pleased, I leave my office in a rush – trotting to the elevators.

My phone continues to beep over and over again, pulling it out and deleting the messages as I ride the lengthy trip to the lobby. Thankfully there aren't any stops as it dings and settles at the lobby level. I move to put my phone back in my purse, when it dings again. Thinking it's Emmett, I quickly open it up, but it flashes Edward's name.

**Missing u. have fun. Call me later. –E**

**Miss u 2. Will do! –B**

That's where I left it. He didn't text back – nor did I text him again. This is exactly why I needed this girls' night. There are so many things floating around in my head, which I honestly can't think straight when it comes to Edward.

You know how they say women are drawn to the mysterious or bad boy types of men. Well, Edward may not be the bad boy by any means, but he's as mysterious as they come. Sure, he's got the tattoos that I have once or twice caught myself licking while he slept.

_Shut up, you know you would do it too. _

There is one tattoo though that is an enigma to me. I asked him why in the world he would have a bird on his arm. He flatly stated that it was a swan, and then went into this huge analogy about the ugly duckling turning into something bigger and beautiful. He said that it held a lot of meaning for him, and I believed him.

One night, we sat there naked and explored one another, asking questions that we wanted the answers to, and opening up more. He asked about my tattoo and what it meant to me, in return, I asked him about all of his. His body wasn't completely covered, but each one of them held some kind of story and I was enamored.

He even got me to go in depth and tell him about my parents, and how they used me for personal gain. I explained how they really didn't care about my happiness and achievements. In return, he dug deep and told me about his parents, well about how his dad never accepted him for who he was. His mother though, sounded like a saint in disguise. It was an eye opening night for both of us. In a way – we were both a little damaged by the past. A past that both of us are still living with, and dealing with, every day.

I finish the walk – a few blocks actually – and open up the door to the little hole in the wall bar. This place is kind of like Cheers, but for some reason it always contains the smell of Fritos. I don't understand it, but the beer is always cold and I have a dire need for some potato skins. They make the best, if I do say so myself.

I finally see Rose wave me over as I glanced around the bar looking for the group. She spots me and yells over the crowd, "Bella boo-boo is here!"

I give her my best bitch brow and she scoffs at me, "Honey that does nothing to detour me." Reaching out she gives me a hug and a kiss to the cheek. "I must say, that outfit is yummy."

"Thanks, good to see you Rose." I reply as I kissing her cheek.

When I turn to the table, I see the girls that I so desperately need, and Emmett too. I give my greetings to everyone before I pull up a stool and order a bottle of Bud Select from the trashy, underdressed waitress. I hope someone tells her soon that chewing gum like a cow is not very flattering.

"Where is Deborah?" I ask, not seeing her anywhere. She's always the one who can make me laugh and always has these insane stories about her clients. Like the joys of being an accountant during tax season and all.

"Oh, she's coming. I think she's gonna be late though. When I talked to her, some crazy client was spewing crap about something she wasn't able to do," Joey said, as she took a drink.

"Good." I say, as the waitress brings back my beer and I order some potato skins with extra sour cream.

"You love that white cream, don't ya B?" Alice snickers and I look at her.

"What do you mean?" I question as she laughs.

"Oh, you know. You and your peddle pusher boyfriend. Who is quite sexy I might add." She giggles and I down the beer as much as I can.

"Yeah, he's …great." I stammer out.

"What's wrong, Bruce Springsteen? Trouble in paradise?" Missy turns to ask, and I see all the girls lean over like it's some kind of covert operation.

"No, well, I don't know. I mean, I have these crazy feeling for him." I start to get into the story as I flag the waitress down for another beer but decide on a bucket. "I think he's intimidated by me or something. We've only gotten to third base. That's as far as things have gotten.

"What do you mean that's only as far as you've both gone? Are you out of your mind? How in the world have you not jumped on that man's magic stick?" Joey says sucking her drink through her straw with her eyes glued to mine.

"It means that's about as far as we have ventured. I'm not complaining but my vag is collecting dust for god's sakes." I huff as the waitress interrupts my rant by dropping off my potato skins. I smear the sour cream all over and take a bite. It burns my mouth, but it doesn't stop me from eating them.

"I mean, I'm a fine piece of ass, wouldn't you say? And it's been freaking months." I hear the hums in approval as Emmett decides to voice his opinion.

"Listen B, I think you are taking this a little too far. I mean, what if he wants it to be special or maybe he's waiting on something. Sure, it would be hard to have that licorice in front of you and not be able to eat it, but for what it's worth, give him some credit." He rolls his eyes as Rose pats him on the back.

"It's not only the lack of sex people!" I get a little louder, "it's the fact that I'm afraid my homeboy is hiding something. I can't put my damn finger on it." I look away taking another bite and another drink. I'm beginning to think I'm drinking them way to fast.

All of a sudden a bucket of beer is placed in front of me with all eyes tuned to what is spouting out of my mouth.

I know I'm being irrational and shit, but I just need a different point of view.

"What do I do? I need help!" I ask looking at all of them. "I mean for Christ sakes, I love the guy." I instantly cover my mouth with my hand. My eyes are wide as I look at every one of theirs that are mirroring mine. I try to play it down.

"It would be better if I just ended things now. I have this strange feeling that he's going to devastate me somehow – break my heart. I don't want that, I honest to God don't want it." I nod. But hearing me say the words out loud makes those three little words something bigger than what they could be. The thought of ending things with him would be a travesty.

I look around and see Joey, Missy, Carmen, Emmett all shaking their heads as Rose looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I have a feeling she knows about this internal debate I'm having.

"He keeps dropping off these pictures that he has taken of us. I have them all at my office and I love them. The guy has mad talent. I want to push him to do something more, but he says he's trying, but he seems a bit reluctant. He's not using me is he?" I am rambling and it's not stopping.

"Take a breath Bella. Jesus, that's so much in one sentence I can't even …" Missy is cut off by Deborah walking in.

She walks up, taps a guy who is sitting at the table next to us on the back and flutters her eyelashes. Before too long the guy gives her his stool. She quickly whips it around and sits at our table. She turns to wave at mystery dude as she turns back to us.

"Waitress …hello!" she yells. "I need a tall one, stat." The waitress nods as we finally receive the hello.

"Oh, you bitches don't even know how much I need this." She huffs as her nails are tapping impatiently on the table.

"I bet I do," I smile at her as I take another pull of my beer.

As she's about to say something, the waitress drops off her beer. Deborah sticks her finger in it to remove some of the head off the top, and mutters something about always having too much head at this place.

"So get this ladies. This guy that's a client of mine calls today asking if he could write his 'strip club adventure' off on as a company expense." She chuckles to herself. That's the thing I love about Deborah. When she's got something to say she says it. Plus it's taking some of the heat off me and I'm thankful. I didn't plan on being a Debbie Downer tonight, but it was turning out to be that way.

"Are you kidding me?" I say shaking my head shoveling another 'tato skin in my mouth. _So freaking good. _

"Not kidding. When I told him that I would be unable to, he told me that it was a company meeting and that it should qualify since he had over ten employees present for this so called 'meeting'. It was so hard not to laugh as I told him the stipulations of a company expense and what not. He proceeded to tell me that it was bullshit. Then he went on and on about how his wife couldn't find out." She laughs, "I mean how in the world would I even code that?"

Carmen replies laughing, "T and A number 069. Tits, ass, and a blow job."

Everyone is in hysterics now over the story about this guy and his devilish ways.

"I mean the fucker had a bar tab that was over seven hundred dollars." Deborah laughs as she's trying to gain her breath, "Plus numerous ATM withdrawals at the club. Oh no, covering your tracks is not an option right?" She laughs again.

"Men are so stupid sometimes." I say, as I see Emmett huff.

"Not all men, dammit." He says, trying to look mad.

"You're right." I say still laughing. Deborah always has the best stories, I swear to God.

"Oh but here's the kicker," she says taking a drink of her beer, "he called back later in the day to ask if he could write it off as a charitable donation."

'What the fucks' are passed around the table.

"I told him that single moms are not charitable donations, and that he needed to think about what he does before he does it."

We are all shaking our heads, still chuckling over the day she has, had when my phone beeps in my pocket. I pull it out to have a message from Edward.

Opening up my phone the message is cryptic.

**Romans 5:8 - E**

"What the fuck?" I say out loud not meaning to.

"Who is it?" Rose asks. I see Emmett busy on his phone for some reason. Why is he always on that damn thing? He's not that important.

"Look – cryptic I tell you." I yell, and turn my phone around and show the girls at the table. They all slide in closer to look at what it reads. Then all of a sudden I see five heads turn and whip out their phones at the same time.

"What the hell are you all doing?" I ask. They are all into whatever they are doing at the moment.

"Googling." Joey says as I see a smile creep up on her face.

"Tell me. Why the Cheshire cat grin?" I turn to see everyone's face mirroring hers.

"Bella." I hear Rose say my name. When I look up she's holding her phone out to me.

I grab it a little too hastily as it drops to the table. I quickly pick it up, turning it around.

What I see on the screen makes my heart stammer out. I feel my body heat as my pulse quickens.

_Behind Romans 5:8 is an interpretation of what the verse actually stands for. I loved you at your darkest. _

Holy fuck._ What am I going to do?_

"Bella, I think you need to get the hell outta here and go get laid." Joey squeals, as Missy and Carmen follow.

"You haven't been roughly fucked yet by that man?" Deborah asks, and I shake my head smiling.

"Nope."

"Damn lady, what are you doing here? Go get some man meat." She laughs as I reach down and grab my purse.

"You're right." I shriek, with the girls in a totally teenage fashion_. _I'm pretty sure if I hadn't had all the beers I would be bouncing on my toes at the moment.

Why is this so surreal to me?

"Okay ladies, bye. I'll call or email you all soon."

I hear Rose yell out, "You freaking better, bitch."

Turning and waving, I see Emmett with his face still plastered to his phone.

_Wow, he's a lot of fun._

I quickly flag down a cab, telling him Edward's address. "Make it snappy senor," I bark out while snapping my fingers for emphasis. He looks in his rearview mirror at me with a cocked eyebrow.

The giddiness I have shines thru as I chant out, "Arriba arriba, ándale ándale." I love channeling my inner Speedy Gonzales.

"You know I'm not Mexican, right?" He looks back at me as the cab speeds off.

"Well, it's neither here nor there. Just step on it, amigo."

. . . . .

I step out of the cab, throwing him some money as I slam the door shut. He peels away from the curb.

Suddenly I'm humming to myself as I walk a little bit. Yeah, I definitely think the cabbie was ready to get rid of me, for sure.

I finally walk up to the front of his building, taking a deep breath. Remembering his hidden texted words, helps me push forward. Knowing this will probably change everything about our relationship to the max, I hope this will get him to open up to me and everything that he's been hiding.

Why do I feel like Baby's sister, Lisa, in the movie, Dirty Dancing, as she's walking up to Robbie's little bungalow?

_Yes …we're gonna fall in love and it feels so right. Yes … we're gonna make love, it's gonna be tonight. I can just imagine - huggin' and teasin' and lovin' and squeezin' all night._

I swing open the door to his building, and I proceed to climb the cramped – crowded stairs to his place. When I reach the landing, I hear a door open and a woman's laughter rings out. It echos in the confined, empty space around me, causing it to be like nails on a chalkboard. I walk a little further and turn the corner only to see said woman standing there, with Edward casually leaning against his door frame.

"Call me later, and we'll discuss the plans I have for you," she says sweetly.

"Sure thing, not a problem. Thanks for coming by." He leans in to give her a hug which she graciously gives back.

I feel like I'm standing in a twilight zone with my whole life and unforeseen future going down the drain.

_Is this what he's been hiding? _

_Is this why he wouldn't tell me anything?_

My body won't let me move, and I now notice that I have backed up against the far wall watching the shit storm happen in front of my eyes.

How dare he do this to me! Sending me that cryptic message and shit. Thank God for Google and my friends – only to come face to face with him cheating.

_Nu – uh! Not gonna happen_.

I hear heels on the steel steps, pulling me away from my thoughts. I come face to face with his dirty, little secret. She smiles at me, but the smile falters a little bit as she stops quickly only to pick up her steps again. The look on her face is screaming something at me, but the only thing her reflection is telling me at the moment is "I've had him."

As she passes me, I stand there for a moment before my body propels me up the remaining stairs.

_Wow, this really is like that scene in Dirty Dancing. You're supposed boyfriend in bed with an older lady. Shady fuckers I tell you. _

I feel the tears stinging my eyes. "Edward." I yell out into the empty stairwell. I see him open up his door and step back out. Fear is clouding his features.

"Bella." He whispers as he comes toward me. I shake my head back and forth.

Holding a shaking hand up. "No, don't Edward." I sniff, looking right at him.

"Don't bother, I'm …I'm done."

* * *

_**A/N:**_

_**EEEKKK!**_

_**Thanks for reading! Reviews are so lovely and warm my heart in this bitter cold we are having. Let me know what you think!**_

_**As always – hop on over to my FB page Twiddles and Bits to get little glimpse into the pretty of Edwards tats and teasers! **_

_**www. facebook #! /groups /12973476 7178078/ *just remove those spaces* lol**_


	13. Chapter 13

**_Welcome Back! It's Thursday – so here is the next chapter. I hope it lives up to your standards! _**

**_A special XOXO goes out to my SunflowerFran for her Beta skills and to my Joey for pre-readers. And also to all of you who have added me to your fav's or alerts – and the reviews …I mad love them! _**

**_Let's see what Pedalward has to say shall we?_**

**_chapter song - The Civil Wars - Poison and Wine_**

* * *

EPOV

In that moment, I see so many emotions flowing through her eyes. Passion, compassion, fury, hurt, anger …you name them, I see them.

She takes off down the stairs. I'm stunned for just a moment when the words left her mouth, telling me that she was done and not to bother.

Oh, I'm going to bother. I refuse to let her slip away from me again. After having Bella, I honestly don't think that I would be able to live without her. Living without her when I didn't think I would ever see her again was hard. But now that I have her, it would torture to be without.

With that thought alone, I push myself down the stairs. I hope I can catch her before she hits the door.

"Bella!" I yell, my voice echoing off the walls. Not only are my footsteps making noise, but I hear her heels clicking against the rough exterior of the stairs. I can tell I am gaining on her, because her clicks are becoming louder. At this point, I'm thankful as hell that she has on those death contraptions.

"Would you wait a minute, you're drawing conclusions," I yell again as I see her round the last set of stairs at the bottom. Taking a quick jump I happen to land right behind her. I reach out my hand, gently grab her arm, and spin her around to face me.

"Listen, you're blowing this out of …" I was going to say context but she cuts me off. Her face is raging with anger and her chest is heaving.

"Oh, I'm blowing this out of proportion? How dare you Edward Cullen. How. Fucking. Dare. You!" she yells as she jabs her finger into my chest over and over with each word. She's also struggling against my hold but I refuse to let her go.

"Can you just listen for …" Once again I'm cut off by her mouth blowing a gasket. I notice Ms. Weatherford poking her head out her door and I carefully throw her a wink to let her know that everything is perfectly fine. When I turn my attention back to Bella, it seems as if she's been rambling this entire time and I haven't been listening. If I could just get her to shut up for a moment, she would see how ridiculous she's being.

"…and let me go, Edward. You don't deserve me, I was coming over here to surprise you …" she is throwing her unrestrained hand around like this is going to prove that her null and void point, might somehow be valid.

_Fuck this shit! I've had enough! Time for drastic measures._

I pick her up and throw her over my shoulder. I've had enough of our dirty laundry aired out in the open like a small village in Italy for everyone to see. She's screaming like a wild banshee while I start making my way up the flight of stairs to my apartment.

"You need to calm down," I say over her as she starts smacking my ass. I can't help but laugh because it really feels like a mosquito bite. If she really thought she was going to do damage, she is sadly mistaken.

"Put me down, right this instant. This is barbaric, you overgrown Neanderthal. How dare you." She breathes out as I quickly jog up the remaining stairs.

I push open my door and I deposit her crazy ass on the ground. But unfortunately for me, she's a charging bull on crack.

"You're an asshole, you cheating fucker!" She seethes at me as I try to move out the way of her swinging arms.

I quickly reach behind me and grab a throw pillow. "This is a misunderstanding, babe." I try to explain as she swings at the pillow.

"Oh, _of course_, I'm the bat-shit crazy one that didn't notice a super twat coming out of your apartment and then give you a hug that you so _graciously_ gave back to her with feeling. Men don't do that, and women sure as fuck don't either. We give those dainty hugs with the tips of our fingers." She continues the onslaught. I'm starting to feel bad for the pillow.

_What did the pillow ever do to her?_

"If you would shut the hell up and let me explain, I would tell you that was Charlotte." I lower the pillow only to see a high heel flying at me.

"_Ohhhh, _so the girl with bad shoes has a name, huh? I don't give two shits if her name was Ruby Slippers or Virginia Ham. She was touching what was _mine_ and _you _let her. You let her touch you when you have barely touched me, Edward. She touched _my_ man-sausage that I've barely been able to. I mean come on. I show up here after your mystery text, which took a group of Google-whores to figure out what it meant. Then when they do, I had to hear it from _them_ that you love me. And that's another thing; you're fucking secretive about everything, and it is driving me up the wall."

She takes a deep breath, actually a few of them, and I am pretty sure she needs it after that whole stream of words that I swear she did in one breath.

"I cannot believe I ever fell for you, Edward." She stops throwing useless punches to the pillow, and I hear a sniffle, "To think that I was going to come over here and give you the privilege of saying I love you to your face."

She shakes her head. "But, that's not enough is it. I was never enough. I told you …if things were getting too hard to tell me. But instead, I get a wake-up call right smack in my face." She spins and turns towards me. "I know I'm a hard person to love, Edward. I know it. I can't help it. Everyone I have ever loved has betrayed me in some way or another, and I thought you were different. I thought that we had something special - different." She turns away with tears streaming down her face.

"Would you listen to me, Bella? There is no mystery woman, dammit." I take a deep breath. "You know how you said that I should take my talent and explore my options? Make people see what I can do behind a lens?" I ask as I step closer dropping the pillow.

"Yeah, what about it?" she says looking right at me.

"That 'super twat' lady was Charlotte, the owner of an art gallery. The person who's taken an interest in me and my work, the _one_ who's going to give me a break. They don't even really showcase photography at her gallery, but they are taking a chance on me." I move a little closer until I'm standing in front of her. I reach out and take her face in mine.

"So, if you would have just shut that pretty, little mouth of yours and let me explain the situation, we wouldn't be having this conversation." I kiss the side of her mouth as I feel her push me away a little. I let out a frustrated sigh when she grabs my shirt.

"Why didn't you tell me? Wouldn't that be something you would want to share with someone you _love_?" She sniffs again and I hug her.

"Just take a look around my place, Bella. What the hell do you see? You are a part of it – a huge part of it." I let her go and stand behind her.

I watch as her body shakes as she walks around. She's only looking at the certain pictures that I've recently taken of her. Her hand comes to her mouth as she looks over at the recent ones that I just had framed that day. She's seen some of them – but the others – she hasn't.

"You can't be serious?" She takes her finger and touches the last one. Of course, there isn't any on display that I had from high school, and I'm scared shitless on how to bring that up. I know I need to come clean and let her know, but the fact that I could have easily lost her tonight over a misunderstanding, allows me to dig a deeper and deeper hole. One I'm trying desperately to get out of.

"I am," I whisper.

"Edward …I have no words ... I love you." She turns and quickly walks over to me, throwing her hands around my neck. She kisses me roughly and I gladly accept it.

"I love you, too. So much …you really have no clue how long I've waited to tell you." I mumble in between kisses.

I'm tired of waiting; I'm tired of fighting it. I know I need to come clean, but my heart isn't letting me. My body is overriding what I need to tell her. My head is screaming at me that this isn't right – I need to stop – but my heart is taking what it wants. What I've needed for so long.

Her kisses move to my neck, and I involuntarily moan at the sensation.

"I need you in more ways than one, Bella." I breathe out as I reach down and pick her up by her legs. They instantly wrap around me tightly as I carry her over to my bed. Luckily it's not far away from where we were standing because the need I have for her, to be with her, I can't stop.

I place her on the bed, and my nerves rise to the surface. This could honestly be a make it or break it moment. She always had my heart, but her actually wanting _mine_ in return, is something only happens in movies.

"Bella," I say quietly as I sit her up and quickly pull off her shirt. I want to savor this moment for as long as I can, but for right now, instincts are taking over. Throwing her shirt to the floor, I run my fingers through her hair and kiss her roughly as I move my hands down her back, unhooking her bra. My hands move up to the straps and I pull them over her shoulders. Stepping back, I hook my finger in the front of it and pull it away, leaving her sitting there with nothing on but her jeans.

I stand her up and make try to make quick work of them, but they get stuck at her knees. I hear a soft chuckle, and I laugh along with her as I push her back on to the bed, cover her body with mine, and kiss every inch of skin I see.

"Stop it, you're ruining the moment." I say, still laughing at the situation. I stand back up and reach down and try to remove her jeans again. Whoever invented 'skinny jeans' didn't take into account how hard you have to work for it. I tug the damn things down her legs, turning them inside out.

"Did you put these damn jeans on with Vaseline?" The jeans make a thud against the floor as she sits up, her fingers quickly unbuttoning my button fly jeans, shoving down my boxers along with them in the process. I get rid my shirt quickly.

I hear her whimper just before I feel her hands on my length. The involuntary moan isn't a quiet one as I feel myself thrust into her hand. I watch her as she leans back, letting go of my hardened cock, and pulls off her own underwear throwing them haphazardly in the room.

I hover over her body, reveling in being in the one spot I had only dreamed of before.

"Fuck Bella …so perfect …" I'm at a loss of words, but the mantra that keeps chanting in my head is that this is the one moment that I've waited for. I know I wanted it to be perfect, but I'm taking this chance and running with it.

Her hands leave my shoulders and I see her make a pretend camera with her fingers, making a clicking noise with her tongue.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask, laughing as I press her further into the mattress with my body. My cock is yelling at me to just push into the Holy Grail when I feel her laugh underneath me.

"You can have your pictures Edward …but I can't have my own mental photo album?" She does it again and I smile and crash my lips roughly into hers. There's no more kidding and mental photo sessions, as our kisses are heated as well as the rest of our bodies. I roll over, resting my weight on my forearm memorizing every inch of her, as my fingers skim over her body and finally coming in contact with her pussy. I make slow, deliberate stokes with them moving down and up, using a little more pressure when I hit her clit, over and over.

"I swear to god, Edward. If you don't do something right this instant, I'm going to scream." She grinds against my hand harder and I feel her hand reach out and grab a hold of me, which in turn makes me thrust into her hand.

"Fuck, Bella …you just have no idea how long I have waited for his," I say quietly.

"Ditto, Edward. Give it to me, now."

When her rushed words spit out, I know she's becoming as impatient as I am. I slam two fingers deep inside of her. Feeling her pussy clamp down on them sends me into overdrive. Curling my fingers, trying to hit the one spot that makes her fall over the edge quickly, and when I do, the sounds that tumble from her lips make this even harder. The need to be inside her deepens as my fingers try to work her over until she falls. Of course, I've seen it multiple times when we've messed around, but fuck …this is different. I know it's going to be like I'm a virgin all over again.

"More, Edward," she moans out, as I feel her hand's pressure and pace quicken on my cock. I reach down, pull her hand away, and move to my nightstand. I pull the drawer open and grab the condom, quickly tearing at the perforated edge.

I hear the Jeopardy theme song being hummed, and when I look over at her she's propped up on one elbow, as the other hand is working her pussy slowly, and dipping into where I want to be. My eyes can't pull away from the sight in front of me as I see her pull her fingers out and her eyes pop open.

"Times up, Edward." And with that sly, little smile playing on her lips, I slide the condom on and hover over her. I kiss her as I rest my aching cock at her entrance.

"What's your final answer?" She looks deep into my eyes and I do hers. I see her hand moving out of the corner of my eye. She brings her two fingers, the ones that are still glistening with her moisture, up to my mouth as I suck them in as I slide my cock into her.

I moan around her fingers, feeling her heat engulf me and the taste of her on my tongue. My senses are going crazy as I pull back and let go of her fingers.

Her taste.

Her pussy.

Her body.

"I love you, Bella," I grit out as I slam back into her.

Her answering moan is all I need to keep going.

"Love …you …too," she moans out with every thrust my make.

Her legs come up and wrap around me pulling me closer, which in turn makes me drive deeper into her.

"You have no idea …how long …I've wanted you …" I gasp, trying to put my mind someplace different. But the constant feel of her pussy surrounding me, squeezing and pulling my cock into her further, makes that impossible.

"Oh, Edward, less talking, more fucking," She commands. Her hands reach up and pull my hair which causes my head to be pulled back. I feel her body move, changing the position as her tongue then traces over my Adam's apple then bites down gently on it.

"Fuck," I cry out. I take her legs that have a death grip around my waist, and throw one over my shoulder. I position myself up a little further over her, driving into her harder.

"Yeah, don't move," she pants, and I stop, but then realize she's not really telling me to stop, so I pick it back up again. I watch my cock move in and out of her, but I have to quickly look away as it's too much to handle.

The way my dick glistens from her arousal, and knowing it's me making her that wet, it's about to send me over the edge.

"You like it?" I have to know for sure. I don't want to disappoint her.

"Yes." Her voice carries out in a long sigh as I feel her pussy start to pulse. The movement is about to take me with her down with her.

"Come, Bella. Let go" My voice strains as I try to push her to that point. When she finally lets go, nails dig into my back and it's a relished feeling. It hurts, but that's beside the point. I slow my movements, not only to let her come down, but to keep me from getting off.

She's panting; her flesh is heated with a pink hue. And I realize that I don't know if there was ever a moment I can recall, that would even come close to what I imagined would be like. Of what it would feel like, emotionally, physically and even spiritually, to have her this way.

When I take her leg and lower it, I hear her sigh as she reaches up and cradles my face in her hands. I'm still moving in and out of her slowly, my thighs are burning but I'm not stopping.

"So good, babe." She kisses me quickly before throwing herself back down on the bed, her feet planted next to my knees. I feel her hips lift up and circle around in tight circles. I sit back on my knees and pull her with me, holding her body close to me as she works my cock over the way she wants to.

"Dammit," I grit out as her pace quickens, "Bella … if you …keep going, I'm not …going to hold on." I try to place my mind somewhere else again. Suddenly, she sits up and it causes my cock to slip out from her. She pushes me back, and I land on the bed, and she crawls up over me and kisses me.

"Let me make you feel good," she says quietly. Her legs straddle me and her hand reaches down, only to place my aching dick at her entrance. She slowly sinks down on me, and I grab her hips to still her. I want to feel my cock take her, inch by inch, to feel myself deep inside of her.

"Mmmm, fuck." The words fall from her mouth as I feel her rise up and sink back down on me. My cock feels like it could explode at any moment, and I suck a deep breath in through my teeth, as she keeps repeating the movement over and over again.

Her nails dig into my chest as she starts to rock back and forth. "Yes, so good." she whimpers out.

"Bella." Her name falls from my lips as I pick her ass up a little bit. I bend my knees and start to thrust up into her quickly. Falling forward onto me, it changes the angle again, and I know for certain that I won't be able to hold out this time.

"Dammit give it to me," she whimpers again, and I use all my remaining strength to give her what she wants.

The burning in my thighs, as well as the pull from inside me, lets me know that I've only got a few seconds left before I come.

"Come, Bella," I grit out, slamming my cock into her harder. When I feel the flood of her pleasure come rushing over my cock, I lose it.

"Fuck," my voice screeches, as I finally give in to my own pleasure, feeling her pussy milk me dry.

"So good, baby," she whispers, her body limp over mine.

I'm completely out of breath, so I nod. I know she can't see me, so I hold her tighter.

"I love you," She says, and I smile. Those words falling from her lips are better than this whole thing. I never would have thought in a million years that Bella Swan would love me. But she does, and I'm relishing the fact.

"Love you, too." She giggles and sits up to move off of me.

"Give me two minutes," I say, kissing her quickly as I move to the bathroom to pull off the condom and clean up.

A few minutes later, I come out and see Bella lying peacefully on my bed. Her body is still shining with the sweat from our romp in the sheets. I want to capture it as I see her blissed-out, with her eyes shut, fingering her necklace.

I move to the coffee table, pick up my camera, turning it on and fixing the lens. Guessing she hears the flash open, "Edward Cullen, you wouldn't dare." She laughs. I raise an eyebrow silently asking permission. She nods, but tells me that I can't have her face in the pictures. I wasn't planning on it, but I'm not passing up this moment, thanking god above that she's letting me.

. . . . .

I'm in dire need of something to drink as I slowly wake up and look over at the alarm clock.

_Holy shit, it's ten forty. _

I turn my face to look at Bella, but I find rumpled sheets. She isn't there. I sit up and look around the apartment and I see her standing with a coffee in hand staring at one of her pictures.

"Morning," my rough, scratchy, morning voice speaks out.

She looks at me brightly, already dressed for the day, but not wearing what she was last night.

"Hey babe." She walks over to me and places a quick kiss to my lips. She walks to the kitchen area and brings back a coffee for me.

"Drink up; we have work to do today." She smiles as I thank her for the goodness in a cup.

"When did you get changed? I didn't see a bag with you last night." I ask as she smiles.

"I woke up early while you were still conked out. I decided to cab it back to my place, shower and get changed. I wanted a coffee, so I got you one too," She says turning her attention back to the pictures. "When is the show?" she asks.

"Three weeks," I stutter out, quickly swallowing my coffee.

"Holy shit," she screeches. "Why so soon? Shouldn't they give you a little time to be able to prepare for the showing? That's honestly pushing it." She looks around. "You have a lot of work to do. This clearly isn't enough." She shakes her head.

"Trust me, it's fine." I try to reassure her.

She takes a look around. "Is this all of them?"

I shake my head. I know the truth is about to be laid out, but I'm still scared shitless.

"Oh, well okay. How many more do you have? Are they stored?" she asks.

"You can say that." I take a deep breath, and it's on the tip of my tongue. I just need to spit it out.

"Well, I still think you need more." She walks over to me and has a playful glint in her eyes. "Since these are of me, and it's a beautiful morning out, let's get some more for you. I can be a model you know."

I smile and laugh, shaking my head as she swings her hair around and gives me a pouty face. "Those are mostly all pictures of you when you didn't know I was taking them. I don't like poses. I like to capture the moment." I point to one in particular and she turns to see what I am talking about.

"Okay, so no posey – posey stuff." She laughs and leans in, her hands resting on my sheet covered thighs.

"You know, since I'm your 'subject' I think there are fitting words to this situation, and for a thank you… …you should sing to me." She smiles playfully.

"I love you, but I'm not singing to you." I shake my head.

"You've done it before." She chuckles, "So I think you should do it again."

"Nope, that was a once in a life time thing." I look up at her.

"Oh, so you sang to me to get into my skinnies, huh?" She pushes me back onto the bed and straddles me.

"Nope, it was the moment." My hands run up and down her thighs slowly.

"But Edward, it's so fitting." She looks at me and pouts.

"I swear, you're a human karaoke machine. You have a song for everything."

She clears her throat, "_You're the meaning in my life. You're the inspiration. You bring feeling to my life, you're the inspiration. Wanna have you near me …_" I cut short her horrible rendition of one of Chicago's greatest hits with my lips.

"Just stop." I kiss her again.

"You just messed up my jam." She fake-pouts crossing her arms over her chest.

"Thank god for that." I laugh and sit back up. "I need to shower." I reach over and grab my coffee as she slides off my lap.

I stand, stretching, feeling her eyes roam all over me. "You know, if you would have waited, we could have showered together. But no, not Bella …the overachiever she is." I smirk as I take off to the bathroom, only to feel a pillow hit my back.

"Douche," she yells, and I laugh.

. . . . .

Lying in bed that night after a long day, I can't turn off the thoughts in my head. We had a great day laughing and playing around, my camera constantly up and snapping pictures whenever the need arose.

I turn and look at Bella sleeping with her hair spread across the pillow, and a cute little pout adorning her face. I reach over touching her cheek, which in turn make her scoot her body a little closer to me. I whisper the things I need to tell her, how much I love her, and how much I hope this secret that I'm holding onto doesn't tear us apart. I know it's a long shot, thinking she would at least love me enough to hear me out, but I know deep down that isn't going to happen.

My cell phone rings in the distance, causing Bella to stir a little bit. I quickly, but silently, move out from under the covers to retrieve it, noticing it's my mom.

I slide the button to answer. "Hey Mom, I take it you got my message." I laugh as I hear her joyful but happy laugh.

"I'm so proud of you honey. I know you've worked so hard," she says, as I hear another person or three in the background.

"Thanks, Mom, where are you at? Are you guys out partying?" I laugh because I know they aren't quite the type to get down.

"Yes, we are celebrating silly, we are so proud of you. And just so you know, we will be there for you in a few weeks. I booked the tickets today for all of us. We wouldn't miss this for the world sweetie," She says, and I'm instantly wondering who "we" is.

"Who's we, just you and Dad are coming right?" I ask, suddenly nervous.

"No, I said 'we' as in your father and me, as well as the Swans." She laughs, "Do you know it's been ages since they've seen Bella. That poor girl won't call them back or answer." I can hear the disappointment in her voice.

"I'm sure she has her reasons Mom, but why are they coming? It's obvious that something is wrong there. And plus, you never hung out with them before, or from what I can remember." I am internally panicking. It's bad enough Bella doesn't know the extent of my pieces in the show, but to now know that her parents are in the mix, this is a disaster waiting to happen.

"Oh Edward, you stop it. They want to be there to support you. Don't act rude. We have actually been hanging out for the past couple of weeks. When I talked to you last and you stated that you and Bella were together and seeing each other, I was elated. So, when I saw Renee in the grocery store, I said a hello and that I was so happy that our children were finally together, and how crazy it was that you met again clear cross the entire country," she laughs, but inside I'm dying.

"Renee said that she had no idea, and proceeded to tell me that they haven't spoken to Bella in quite some time. The nerve of that child, I swear. Any who, one thing led to another about your lives, and to say we have become friends quickly is an understatement. They are just as proud of you as we are sweetheart, and they keep saying how lucky their Bella is to find someone accomplished and going places," she breathes out, only to pick back up again. The pit in my stomach is growing by the minute. I'm not really listening to anything she is saying, because I'm looking over at the brown-haired girl of my dreams and I realize – her world, as well as my own, are about to come crashing down on us in a matter of weeks.

"And they can't wait to meet you Edward, and see what kind of man is involved with their daughter." She laughs, "As if you aren't good enough."

I hear Renee in the background laughing and telling my mother to stop her nonsense. Saying this is what they always wanted, and for Bella, too.

"Listen Mom," I spit out, "I'm going to let you go. It's late here and I'm tired. I'll talk to you later."

"Oh, sorry honey. Love you so much" she says.

"Yeah, um …love you too."

I hang up my phone, placing it on the table, and move quietly back to the bed. I slide in under the covers and pull Bella close to me.

I know, after speaking with my mother, that things are not going to be the same after this. Especially now that I know Bella's parents are coming along for the ride…. on someone else's coattails. In my heart I need to tell her, but right now, I've figured out that I'm not going to say a word about anything. Yes, indeed, it's wrong. But in less than three weeks, world war three is going to happen, and I want to hang on to Bella for as long as I can.

Because, in the back of my mind, I may be getting what I've always wanted – my photography work being shown. But it's going to come at a price. And that price could be losing something I've cherished.

_Bella._

* * *

**_Dunn…dunnn…dunnn…_**

**_So what do you guys think? Is he a complete dumbass for not telling …or should he live in the moment – until it's gone?_**

**_Reviews equal mad love – and I like mad love! _**

**_Thanks for reading! Be sure to look me up on FB for my group for teasers and Edwards photos!_**

**_www. facebook groups / 129734767178078 /_**


	14. Chapter 14

_**Well it's Thursday …so that means another update! I think this is the chapter you all have been waiting on! So I'll let you get to it! As always – a huge thanks to Sunflower Fran and my Witchywoman for the pre-reading and Beta skills! I mad love you ladies!**_

* * *

BPOV

"Emmett, get your ass in here. _Immediately_!" I yell into the speaker of the phone as I spin my chair around. I look away from my desk trying to get my mind in order.

These past two weeks have been insane to say the least. I've been busy running around with Edward preparing for the things that he needed to get done before his showing. I'm extremely excited and nervous at the same time. It's my face that is going to be associated with him. Not just from the pictures, but from the notoriety that is coming from his show. I'm well respected in this business and I intend to keep it that way. He keeps saying that this showing isn't worth it, while I keep repeating the mantra of 'eye on the prize' to him.

He's been acting a little off lately, but I'm chalking it up to his nerves. I'm not pressuring him to tell me, but I sense there is something he's keeping from me. I can tell he wants to say it but then he squashes it down.

Emmett busting into my office pulls me from my rapid thoughts. "Ms. Swan, you needed me?" he asks, as he quickly shuts the door, pen and paper in hand.

"Yes, we need a mandatory meeting, now." I stand. "You need to gather everyone and have them meet me in the conference room in five minutes." I straighten out my skirt and step back into my heels.

"Sure thing, boss lady," he says spinning, but just then his phone rings.

"Pressing matter?" I quirk an eyebrow and he reaches down to silence it quickly. Suddenly it starts ringing again. "Give me the phone," I demand, and he actually lets out a whimper. He reaches into his pocket and pulls it out. I quickly grab it, glancing at the screen. It's Rose. Quickly, I answer, "Hello!" I greet in a fake sing-song voice. "How can Emmett help you today?"

"Bella, isn't this a surprise. Trust me; you're going to have plenty of surprises later. She laughs, "I need to speak with him….you know, because it's urgent." The last few words are whispered.

Whispering back I ask, "Are you on fire?"

"No."

"Were you in an accident?" I press further.

"If I was in one, I wouldn't be talking to you," She quips quickly.

"Well then, I don't see a need for this _urgent_ matter." I bite back. "He is on my time." I nod even though she can't see me. "He's working and things are hectic today. So, please call back when you know it's his lunch break. I would appreciate it darling." I smile into the phone.

"But, Bella," I hear the manly voice come out, but it does nothing to deter me.

"I said later. Your man-voice does nothing. Goodbye." I hang his phone up and shut it off in one quick motion.

I hand it back to Emmett. "Handle that on your own time, not mine." He pouts and slides it back into his pocket.

"Five minutes, Emmett," I say, passing by him, making my way to the conference room.

I hear joy, but also fear in his voice as it comes across the loud speaker. "All of you beautiful people, please can I have your attention. A mandatory meeting in the conference room in five minutes. It's imperative you are on time people. Thank you."

As I pass by Tanya's desk, she smiles tentatively. "Do I need paper, Ms. Swan?" She asks and I shake my head.

"Nope, just your ass in a chair," I smile back. When I make it to the conference room I push open the doors and stand in front as I watch my workers quickly file in. Emmett is standing by the door making sure everyone is in attendance.

After a few minutes, everyone is present and I'm ready to get this over with.

"Thank you everyone for coming. I appreciate you dropping everything you're doing. First and foremost, you're all doing a wonderful, freaking job. I love it, so thank you. We all wouldn't be here if it wasn't for each and every one of you." I take a deep breath.

"As some of you know, one of our own, Edward Cullen, will be embarking on a journey of his own tonight. I expect everyone to be there to support him and his photography." I smile at all of them. I see nods and a few scowls, but I let those pass.

"He's worked very hard to get there." I secretly smile knowing what's being shown tonight.

"Also, I've arranged for a carrier service for today and tomorrow. If you have anything that is urgent use them. No phone calls to Edward, please."

I turn and stare at everyone. "Please carry on, and know that I appreciate all of you."

There are claps as everyone makes their way back to where they're supposed to be. When everyone leaves the conference room, I take a seat as a strange feeling is forming in my stomach. I look at the clock, it's two in the afternoon, I just had lunch so I know I'm not hungry. It's more like a nervous feeling.

_I just hope it's because I'm nervous for him – not the other way around. _

. . . . .

I'm fiddling with my hair, trying to make it work, but becoming more frustrated by the second. It's not doing what I want it to do. If I would have just called my hair guy and had him do it, I wouldn't be in this predicament. After finally saying fuck it, I throw it back in a side ponytail and move quickly to my bed to get dressed. I glance at my alarm clock and realize that I've spent so much time on my hair that I only have minutes to spare before Rose and Emmett arrive. Luckily, I'm meeting Edward at the opening, because he would be really late because of me, and that's not professional.

My phone beeps in the other room; I rush to get to it just in case something has happened at the gallery. I smile when I see it's from Edward. I didn't realize it, but I've needed him all day. It's amazing how one little message can settle me. But after the first one, they keep coming, my phone constantly dinging in my hands.

I just wanted to tell you how amazing you are. – E

No matter what, you are my everything; always have been and always will be. –E

I know things are going to change after tonight. Just remember I love you. – E

A knock on my door directs my attention away from the messages. "Come in," I yell, as Emmett and Rose come through the door.

"Bella, we have to get going, traffic is a bitch out there." Rose animated cars slamming into one another with her hands, "It's a freaking cluster fuck let me tell you."

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I put my phone back on the island and as quickly as I can with one heel on, I run back to my room. I put the other heel on and check one last look in the mirror before heading back out to the living room.

I notice the hushed whispers between Emmett and Rose, but when I walk in they shut up, plastering on fake smiles.

"Ready to go, Queen?" Rose asks and I smirk at her.

"That would be you, sweetheart." I smirk back.

"Touché." She smiles, as I grab my phone placing it in my clutch.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," I say as I follow Emmett and Rose out of my place, shut the door and lock it up.

When we reach the elevator, I press the button, the door opens and we step on. For some reason, there is tension in the air. It wasn't there before, but it's there now. I notice the looks Rose and Emmett are giving each other on the sly and it's starting to piss me off.

"What? What are you two not telling me?" I ask, looking at both of them.

Shaking their heads, "Nothing," Rose answers quietly.

I hear Emmett whimper and when I look at him he quickly looks away.

"This secretive shit is starting to get old. First it was your phone calls this afternoon from Rose. Then there was your little bicker-fest in the living room of my apartment." I gesture between them, "and now, you're both standing there making faces at each other and it's not sexual." I raise an eyebrow when they both look at me.

"Well, I never…" huffs Rose.

"Oh cut the shit. This is supposed to be a great night, but instead I've got bickering Betties escorting me to the gallery. I swear to Jesus, you better get over it." I huff and cross my arms over my chest as the elevator finally stops and the doors open. I walk out the elevator, through the lobby and out the front doors. Needing fresh air, I quickly stop to take a deep breath, filling my lungs with something I didn't realize I needed. Being in that elevator with that amount of tension is trifling.

"You're car ma'am." The limo driver says as I thank him and step inside. I try and situate myself far away from both Emmett and Rose. I'm already nervous just knowing my freaking face and shit is going to be all over the place. I just hope it helps Edward make a name for himself, then it will all be worth it.

Trying to be the bigger person I address them both, "I can't remember, what's the name of the show again? Do you guys know?"

Emmett clears his throat, "Cooler Than Me."

"Hmm …that's odd," I whisper to myself.

"Once you see it, it will all make sense. I promise," Rose smiles, but it doesn't seem real. It's more forced than anything.

"I'm sure it will. Edward isn't dumb." I stare back out the window.

. . . . .

That had to be the longest limo ride ever in the history of limo rides. Rose wasn't lying when she said it was a cluster fuck. There were cars everywhere, and when we got close to the gallery, there were cars packed in like sardines. Charlotte must have really been promoting Edward, because as far as I could tell, there are hundreds of people standing on the sidewalk.

"Driver, this is close enough," I say as I grab my clutch from the seat next to me.

"Don't you want to be closer Ms. Swan?" he asks, putting the car in park.

"No, this is close enough." I turn to look at Emmett and Rose. "Are you ready?" They nod, not saying anything.

The driver makes his way to the door, opening it, and I let Emmett escort Rose out first, then myself. When I step out of the car and onto the pavement, Emmett guides Rose and me to the sidewalk quickly, before we get into a pedestrian accident by a pissed off driver.

_Wouldn't that be a hoot!_

Suddenly Emmett stops both of us, and I turn to look at him. I see uncertainty in his eyes. When I am just about to ask him what's wrong, he beats me to it.

"Bella B." He takes a deep breath. "I just want you to know that I think you're the bee's knees."

I laugh, "Thanks Emmett." I start to walk again, but I'm stopped again my Rose's hand on my shoulder.

"Listen, no matter what happens tonight, just remember that we love you." He looks away. "Edward loves you too, and he wouldn't be in this position without you." He smiles sadly.

"You're freaking me out," I whisper to them.

"There's nothing to freak out about." Rose shakes her head. "Just …keep an open mind." She grins as she loops her arm through mine as we all start walking again.

We get closer to the building, where there is activity everywhere. Paparazzi are blinding people with their non-stop flashes, while others are milling around waiting to go in. A few people are handing out flyers for other shows as well as the programs for Edward's gallery.

"Well, aren't these spiffy," Emmett says as he's flipping through the packet of paper.

"They are, look at his face," I say smiling, "So handsome."

"You for sure have a hotcake on your hands." Rose says looking over Em's shoulder.

"Shall we ladies?" He gestures towards the carpet, and as we step on, all three of us smile at the cameras before we quickly make our way inside.

I feel like I'm in a "Where's Waldo" book, looking all over for Edward. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I immediately know who it is.

"Bella, you made it." He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes like normal.

I hug him and give him a quick kiss. "Sure did, I take it you are nervous?" I ask him as he nods.

"Like you wouldn't believe," he says quietly.

"They are going to love you." I add quickly, hoping to push some of his insecurities away.

"Are you?" he asks me, his eyes penetrate me, causing me to stand like a statue.

"Of course, Edward, that's a stupid question. I know I say no question is dumb, but …" I'm cut off by a voice that I hoped I would never have to hear again in my life. Well except for the sporadic voice messages that come across my phone which I quickly delete.

"Bella," She sings as she makes quick steps towards me.

I sidestep and move out of her path. "Renee," I simply state. I look behind her and see my father trailing quickly behind. "Charles."

The flatness of my tone doesn't go unnoticed. "Is that the proper way to speak to us young lady?"

"Oh, I'm sorry _Mother_. Can I ask what the hell you're doing in New York?" I sneer at her.

She raises her nose to the air before leveling her eyes at me. "Supporting Edward of course." Her hand now placed on her hip. "If you had the audacity to answer your phone or call us back, you would have been aware. We happen to think it's wonderful that you're with this young man." She smirks.

"Wow …so you've seen our pictures in magazines and put two and two together, did you? You're super bright. Looking to ride on someone's coattails again, I take it? Can't make it on your own? You're fucking pathetic." I whisper in her face. I stand toe to toe with the horrible person who I share DNA with. I feel Edward's arm around my waist tighten, and I chance a glance at him and he's wearing a worried expression.

I look at him with confusion as I turn back to my mother. "If you will excuse me, I'm here to support Edward. Please move out of my way, Renee."

When I pass her, I need to say something else. I spin, unwrapping myself from Edward and walk back towards them. "Oh, and please do me a favor, lose my number. I will not now, nor will I ever take one of your phone calls. You have tried to use people for your own personal gain for the last time. You've done it to me; I refuse to let you do it to him." I spin around to find Emmett and Rose with Edward and I slide up next to him.

He politely excuses himself and takes me though the sea of people. I notice that Em and Rose are following close behind, grabbing on to each other's arms for dear life.

Edward suddenly stops, turning me towards him as we make our way to the back of the gallery where the pictures start. I see sweat forming on his hair line.

"Nervous?" I ask, trying to get him to ease up on the stress level.

"You have no idea," he says quietly. He pulls me to him, hugging the ever living shit out of me. "Bella, you know I love you right?" he asks as I nod. His expression makes me want to piss myself. Is the show not going well? Is he worried that he's going to be a pedal pusher all of his life?

"What's wrong?" I ask quietly. Uncertainty is reflected in my voice as I ask him; wanting and needing an answer.

I feel him take a deep breath and let it out. "There's something I've been trying to tell you for some time now. Something that I know is going to hurt you - a secret that I've been holding onto. I should have let you know the first moment I saw you, but to actually have you in my life - there are no words. I just hope you understand why I did what I did." He takes a deep breath. "I love you so much. And I am so sorry." I see unshed tears forming in his eyes as I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Okay, I don't understand, but I love you too." I smile at him.

"Okay." He says taking my hand and leading me back to the room. When I step into the gallery, it's dimly lit except for the pictures adorning the walls that have bright lights to help show them off. I quickly spin, looking at all of them, feeling like I'm on a merry-go-round.

"Edward, it's perfect." I say, commenting on the way it's decorated.

He lets go of my hand. "Just um …take a look around. I'll be right here." He says, and he kisses me quickly and it lingers. My lips are going to be bruised by the force he uses to attack my mouth. I pull back and look at him. I can tell that wasn't the type of kisses that I've been accustomed to .

I kiss his cheek and step away, turn around and head to the first picture. I stop in front of it and gaze at the photo.

I turn to the left and then to the right, not understanding what's happening. I feel my heart rate pick up as I take a side step to the next photo. These are my movements for the next three or four photos. My pulse is quickening – there is a pit growing in my stomach that is the size of fucking Mount Rushmore.

_What the fuck is happening?_

These are pictures of me from High School. Where in the holy hell did he get these? Where the fuck, or better yet, who the fuck does he know to obtain such pictures? I left this behind years ago. I came all the way across the country to escape that life. Now, it's being thrown at me, full force.

Then it suddenly dawns on me. When I turn around, I see Edward standing there, white as a sheet, with Emmett and Rose. Edward is flanked by two people, two people that I know from my home town.

_Holy. _

_Fuck!_

The room starts spinning as I turn back around looking at the next photo. I remember that tree because I used to read under it all the time. It was my place, my safe haven. I look down at the program and notice again the name of the show, "Cooler Than Me." I finally put two and two together. I was the popular kid in school, he wasn't.

_Edward Cullen … Edward Cullen …_

_Jesus Christ._

…_feeling as if I know him from somewhere. _

…_...the constant pull towards each other._

…_..feeling as if I've known him all my life._

…_..his underlying words and hidden innuendos._

The pit in my stomach grows bigger and bigger, making my knees weak. I turn to him and grimace. My feet carry me towards him and I stop before him looking him dead in the eyes. They show fear and remorse, pleading with me to understand.

"Isabella, it's so nice to see you again." His mother smiles at me and I nod back.

"Same to you Mrs. Cullen, but I must be leaving now. Please, enjoy the rest of your night." I'm holding back tears, and honestly I want to slap the holy piss out of her son. He used me for his own gain. He knew what he was doing with those photos. Not only that, but he treated me just like my parents did, using me for own gain.

I hold my clutch close to my chest as I make my way around Edward.

"Bella!" I hear him yell which only propels my feet to move faster. Only a few more feet and I'll be out the front door. This building is caving in around me and I need to get out. I need to get away from him before I cave in on myself. "Please." He yells again.

I am dodging people in my path to get to the door. I hear Rose and Emmett behind me, which in turn makes me want to get away from them as well. I need to be alone. I need to get away from here, and quickly.

When I step out onto the sidewalk, I take a look in both directions. I try to find out which way would be quicker. I reach down, pulling off my heels as I decide to head to the left. My feet propel me faster and faster, wanting as much distance between us as I can.

"Bella, stop," I hear Rose yell, but I don't relent. My hair is becoming matted with sweat as I push my body further and further down the sidewalk. I get to the corner and look up, realizing I'm only a few blocks from my home.

I dart to the right, crossing the street as I keep going. My feet are burning, people are yelling at me to watch out, but my mind is foggy with the images and photos that I have just witnessed and viewed for the first time.

Before I know it, I'm pushing open the doors to my apartment building, and as gracefully as I can, make my way to the elevator. Now that I've stopped, my feet are pulsing, angry at what I have just put them through. I begin pressing the elevator button numerous times, calling on it to come quicker, but it never does. When the car finally settles and the doors open, I push myself forward and hit the number for my floor.

My heart hasn't stopped since I looked at the first picture. I was so young and naive.

When we arrive on my floor, I rush to my door. I yank my keys out along the way to make my entry quicker. Pushing open the door, I fling my shoes down and cringe at the feel of my feet on the rug at my entry.

I finally take a chance and look down, seeing that my feet are cut and starting to bruise. I cringe, knowing they are going to be out of commission for the next few days because the swelling is starting.

I make my way into my bathroom, turn on the hot water, and strip out of my dress quickly. I glance at it as it falls to the floor. It mimics my life in a way; everything cascading, falling apart around me. When I step into the shower, that's when I taste the tears falling down my face, not realizing I'm letting my emotions go. My life feels like the water flowing down the drain – a waste.

The one person I truly and honestly loved did nothing but throw us away.

The scalding hot water doesn't last long before it turns to cold, waking my body up. Looking around, I didn't realize that I was sitting in my tub …zoning out. I push myself up, turning off the faucet, and grab a towel to dry myself off. My body moves at a snail's pace, feeling exhausted; mentally and physically.

I take a glance in my mirror and see my features are swollen, and my eyes bloodshot from crying. I turn, and anger enrages me. I hear banging on my door, and I choose to ignore it. I don't want to deal with the bullshit that is my actual life right now. The banging gets louder and with every punch to my door, the mantra rings out in my head.

_How dare he do this to me? _

I throw open the bathroom door, marching to my closet. Buried deep inside is a box that I carried cross country with me. I close the closet door behind me, wanting to shut out the outside world. I push the hanging clothes to the side and drag the box out from its hiding spot. I pull open the tape, folding the flaps back and dig through the contents that I've long forgotten.

Dust, clothes, shoes, notes, and letters are flying every which way as I reach down to the bottom. Pulling out the yearbooks from that disastrous time I like to call high school. They creek and crack in protest after not being handled in so long. I turn to the back of the book, search for his name. When I finally find it, anger ignites my insides, fury burning through me; causing more tears to flow.

I flip to the page, showing his face with his name written below.

_Oh my god. I remember him now. _

…_the glasses._

…_the acne._

…_the loneliness that was always set in his eyes. _

…_the way I would always feel him stare at me._

"_CT"_

"That lousy mother fucker," I scream as I jump to my feet, pulling out another yearbook – only to find the same thing.

"He fucking lied to me." I seethe. All the things I've told him and shared with him, he does this? He had so many chances to tell me, to offer me the truth, but instead he waits until we are there – at the damn gallery – to bring it up. Well fuck him. He knew how my parents were and how I felt about that. I asked him on many occasions where he was from and he always gave me some off-the-wall story. He knew who I was. Maybe he wasn't looking for me, but he found me. I guess he found his damn golden ticket. Willy Wonka wanna be. And the funny part is, everyone in that town knew and probably still knows how my parents are, but instead he invites those bastards anyway. Well good for Edward. Good for him. I'm glad he got want he wanted outta me. I guess the title for his showing is fitting.

I can't help but scream out in frustration.

…_he used me. _

…_he lied to me._

…_he knew who I was._

…_he knew my horrid parents._

…_he knew everything. _

I have the stack of yearbooks in my arms as I trudge out of my closet, sans towel and throw them on my bed. My past history staring at me in the face as well as haunting what I thought was my future. I wanted to get away so bad, from that whole, fucking situation, only to have it laughing at me in my face. It gives credence to the saying 'you can run but you can't hide.'

I turn to my bookcase, seeing the pictures he had given me of the two of us, staring right at me. Again, I see nothing but laughter. I rush towards them, throwing them to the ground. Glass shatters around my battered feet. It feels better as my anger finally finds an outlet. I move to my living room, doing the same things with the photos in there, before I realize it, the room is splattered with wood and glass.

The knocks and yells are still coming through my door, and I'm thanking my lucky stars that I dead bolted and chain locked that bitch. My mind isn't even acknowledging the onslaught of words flying through it.

I feel my throat burning, feeling charred as I talk to myself. I'm guessing it's from the nonstop screaming contest with myself.

Feeling exhaustion take over, I step over the glass, frames, and tattered pictures and move back to my bedroom. I walk through the doorway and once again see the yearbooks on my bed. I walk over to them, picking up one of them, feeling the weight of it in my hands. I look to my left and throw the damn thing against the wall.

"You've ruined me, you asshole." My voice is grainy, burning deep in my throat. I turn and pick up the other one, doing the same until all four of them are lying scattered on the floor next to the damaged frames.

I fall down on my bed, my eyelids becoming heavy. I close them feeling my body shut down over the most humiliating night of my life.

The words weigh heavy as they fall from my lips sealing in the devastation that crumbled my world.

"I let him ruin me."

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***hides under covers***

_**As always, let me know what you think! I want the good, bad, and the ugly! Reviews will hug Bella! Thanks for reading! Catch me up on FB if you want teasers and things. They are fun! Mandi Niko!**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Sorry it's a day late! My sincere apologies! As always a special thanks to Sunflower Fran and Joey for their word ninja skills! Love you ladies. And to all of you – your reviews are FANTASTIC! Everyone riding the fence of either wanting to junk punch Edward or how Bella is overdramatic! LOVE them so thank you all! It means a lot to me! I hope I replied to everyone and if not I apologize! MUAH!**_

_**Chapter song – Goo Goo Dolls: Sympathy**_

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EPOV

My world is cold.

It's desolate and unforgiving.

I feel like I'm a shell of the person I used to be. I didn't think it would have taken this long for Bella to talk to me, but it has.

"Reggie, give me another one." I shout, as I slam the bottle on the bar.

"I think you've reached your limit for the night my good man." He smiles at me as he's wiping down the heavily lacquered bar.

"Never," I mumble out as I spin the beer bottle around.

"Edward," he sighs, "It's the same thing I have told you for weeks now. This place is closing. You don't' have to go home, but you can't stay here." He smiles as he throws down the towel into the sink.

"I know, I know. I get it." I nod and I stand up. "Thanks again, Reggie." I tell him as I throw down some money. He grabs it and looks at me with a curious look in his eye.

"Look, man. I don't know what happened, but this isn't going to make it any better. Drinking your sorrows away isn't the way to go. I've seen it too many times. You may think it makes things better – the numb feeling that alcohol gives you. But it makes the wounds deeper, the thoughts run quicker and the heart hurts more in the long run." He looks away from me before turning back. "You've been here for the past month and a half, night in and night out. I'm sure your liver is feeling the effects of your so-called pity. Whatever it is, just make it better." He looks me in the eye and I can hear and see the honesty of his words.

"It's easier said than done, buddy." I shake my head.

"If it was easy, nobody would do it. If there is something you want in this world than make sure it's something worth fighting for. Those are the best things to have in your life." He chuckles.

"Right …well, have a good night." I turn around and head out the door, hearing the bell ding at my departure. I walk the few steps, like I do every night to the bus stop bench, but I never get on it. I use it as my way to sober up and think back to how, in one night, I gained everything …and then lost every bit of it. It repeats as a mantra in my head over and over.

_I stand there and watch Bella quickly walk out the gallery with Emmett and Rose on her heels. I should go after her, but my feet wouldn't move. _

_I did this to her. _

_If I would have just opened up my damn mouth and been honest with her, I wouldn't be watching her run away from me. _

"_Edward, what is all of that about?" asks my mother, I look at her. _

"_I never told her," I whisper to her, but apparently prying ears also tuned into what I stated. _

"_What do you mean you never told her, Edward? She just lost everything we have worked for." Her mother watches her retreating form like the rest of us. I turn to her, fire raging in my veins. _

"_How dare you," I spit out. "You haven't spoken to her in years, yet you come here acting like she's the one who's wrong? Are you kidding me? You want your name out there, associated with whoever you can, just to get yourself in the fucking limelight; you are worthless." I shake my head._

"_Edward!" my mother silently shouts, "How dare you speak to them …" _

"_No Mom, I'm tired of it. They are pathetic. I love you and I respect you, but I cannot stand here and respect these people. Don't you think it's a little funny that after all these years, they now want to be 'friends' with you both? Don't you want to get both sides of the story?" I look right at her. _

"_You know what they did to Bella when she was in high school; what kind of parents do that to their child? Why do you think she vanished? Huh? Because of these two people standing behind me. Trying to get their child knocked-up and married to the town big-wig to make them seem important in a Podunk town. The whole damn town knew. Wow, that's someone I would really respect too." I say sarcastically. _

_I turn to her parents, sneering, "You make me sick. And I'll be dammed if you catch a free ride from me. I worked hard for this, and I've just lost the only thing I have ever loved because of it. Now, if you all would excuse me, I'm going to mingle and get this night over with, and then, more than likely drink my damn sorrows away because I know she's never coming back." I spin on my heel and walk away._

As the number twenty-nine bus pulls up and I sit still while people are loading and unloading, and continue dwelling on my thoughts. It makes me laugh, because in way I feel like Forrest Gump. Granted I'm not holding a box of chocolates or commenting on women's shoes, but staring off into the distance, reminiscing, it's familiar. But, I'm not going to run for miles on end.

_No thanks. _

My ringing phone brings me out of my stupor. I pull it out of my pocket and I notice it's Emmett and I laugh.

He's in the same boat I am.

"Hello again, Emmett," I answer, as I hear a long drawn-out sigh come through.

"Edward, handsome – are you at the bar again?" he asks.

"I'm not at the bar now, I'm sitting on a bench. So no, I'm not at the bar. It closed …" Glancing down at my watch, "half an hour ago," I state nonchalantly.

"I can tell you've been drinking, your words are slower than normal. Listen, do you need me to come get you?" he asks.

"Nope, I'm fine."

"Okay, I've had enough. If it's not you being a moody bitch, then it's Bella traipsing through the office with a fucking huge thorn in her bunion." He huffs, "You are not Nemo, Edward. You do not need liquor, beer, or any type of alcohol to survive like that little damaged fish needed his father. Yes, you're a little lost, stuck in a rut, and you're _damaged_, but you need to come out of it. This is not healthy." He sounds sad, and I think about all the times Emmett and Rose have come to my rescue lately. But, they are in the same situation that I am.

Yes, I'm still employed. That fact hasn't changed, thank god. Sometimes, I think it would be better for everyone there if I was gone. Bella has switched back to the hard-ass she once was when I first interviewed for the job. Only now, she walks around the office, not speaking anyone and only conversing business related matters to Emmett, and it's never in front of him anymore. The only time she really discusses anything with him; it's either through the door or done over the office phone. Nothing more, nothing less, and it's always about work. Because of my lie, it's put a huge strain on their friendship and I'm the cause for that; hence, another reason I feel guilty. If it wasn't for me and my stupidity, they would still be happy and friends.

She knows that Emmett held my secret, as well as Rose. She apparently feels betrayed. And I understand that. Rose detailed to me what happened that night, after Bella took off and ran through the streets of New York in her bare feet.

"_Edward, we can't get in the door." Rose breathes heavily into the phone as she's leaving the voicemail. "Emmett's key isn't helping either. Apparently, she has it fucking double chained. We are listening to things crashing and glass shattering all over the place. Her screams are sure to wake up neighbors and have them call the po-pos. I don't know what to do." I hear the tears and anger in her voice as she ends the call. _

I was afraid to head to work that Monday. I was terrified of the wrath that I was going to receive. But when I stepped off the elevator and into the office to pick up the deliveries, you could have seriously heard a pin drop. Everyone was looking at me, staring at me as if I had killed someone. The looks on their faces were solemn, but held no remorse for me. When I tried to head back to Bella's office, I was stopped by Tanya telling me that it was not an appropriate time, and that she was extremely busy. I simply nodded, grabbed my things and headed out.

Needless to say these past weeks haven't been easy. I want to see her, and talk to her. Hopefully explain the situation to her. I know I'm never going to get that chance though. When I do get a glance at her, she never looks at me, always straight ahead as if I don't even exist.

It's disconcerting.

"Maybe I just need to quit Emmett. I'm pretty sure that would make her happy. Taking myself out of her safe haven," I state, shrugging even though he can't see. Another bus pulls up and I wait till it leaves before I continue.

"I just need to cut my losses and move on. I honestly have no idea what to do, but I'll figure it out. There were so many times I could have told her and I didn't. It's my own fucking fault I'm in this mess. But, I miss her. I miss her stupid song rolodex, I miss her face, fuck I miss everything about her," I sigh propping the phone up on my shoulder.

"Listen, I know you miss her, and I honestly think she's just as miserable as you are. Unfortunately, that does not help this situation at all, given the circumstances. You messed up, that's huge for sure. But, you cannot drink away everything. You're my friend, and I will not stand by and watch this happen." His voice is stern.

"You're not my caretaker, Emmett. Just leave me be." I stand up stretching my legs before I walk home.

"I know I'm not, but this is stupid. Want me to say it's your fault? Hmm …? Because we all know it damn well is, Edward. This is pathetic. You're both pathetic. It took a group of women to go her apartment over that weekend to get her to come to work. And you know what happened after that. We received the brunt of the blow. Gone is the carefree Bella, now it's back to the hard as stone girl. Work sucks, everyone knows it and everyone knows it's because of you. Why do you think nobody even looks your way? She's pouring her soul into everything that moves in and out of that office. She's back to being finicky and pig-headed. I loved her then, and I love her now, but you're not the only one who's hurting." I hear Rose agreeing in the background.

I feel ganged up on. I feel like this is a Dr. Phil session with no way out.

"What the fuck do you think I should do? If it's quitting, I'll quit. I've had no inspiration for my work lately, even though the gallery and others are hounding me, and that's not because I don't have Bella around. So don't think that. Maybe I just need to move away, start fresh. That could be the cure all for everything, right? Just leave? I'm pretty damn sure nobody would give a rat's ass."

It feels like with that final statement, my mind should be made up.

"Leaving isn't going to solve anything." He huffs, "All I'm saying is stop moping and get to the bottom of it. Show up at her door. Give her some damn answers … something."

"I've tried that, she won't listen. I've tried letters, notes, even calling her leaving numerous voice messages. It's not helping. I'm hoping she'll come around when she's ready.

"You're right. Well, call me if you need anything. We do miss you, you know," he sighs.

"Yeah, I …uh …miss you guys too."

And with that, the phone call disconnects.

Thank God.

. . . . .

That's the way my life been.

Working.

Drinking.

Staggering home, drunk.

It's like a broken record that just keeps playing over and over.

I'm sitting at the usual bar, drinking, when I have finally made my mind up. It's time to let bygones be bygones and move on. She's never going to speak with me and I'm traveling down a road that I don't want to be on.

Yes, this is the way I'm living, but I'm done with it. It's been almost two months to the date, and it's time to take my life back. I've lived without her once, and I know I can do it again, because, well, I'm going to have to.

I place the bottle on the bar and bid Reggie a good night.

"It's early tonight." He laughs, "But have a good one. Be careful."

"Will do." I don't say goodbye, I make my way out of the bar, far from the drunken stupor that I've been under lately. It's raining tonight, but that doesn't stop me from doing the nightly ritual of walking back to my place.

The rain is pelting my face, soaking my clothes. I'm not really caring at the moment because I feel like it's washing my body clean of all the old shit; and I'm ready to start the new. A new life for me, far away from the memories of this place I once called home.

I round the corner, looking both ways to quickly cross the street. My feet are stepping in puddles every few feet as I quicken my steps. I notice cars are traveling quicker than I thought. A loud horn erupts as I am nearly side-swiped by a cab. I step up onto the sidewalk and try to pay attention to where I walk. I know my shoes are already soaked, but if I can keep them out of the puddles, so much more the better.

The lights from the Chinese place next to my apartment illuminate the sidewalk in front of me. I look in, noticing the patrons partaking in late night dinners. When I pull my keys from my pocket and look up, I notice a figure standing there, soaked by the rain just like I am.

"Bella," I squeak out as her foot drops from the brick building onto the water logged concrete.

"Edward," She says quietly, not looking at me, but still acknowledging me.

I get a good look at her, and I notice the basic jeans, converse, hoodie pulled over her head and a backpack.

"What are you doing out here in the rain?" I ask, but she just smirks at me. It gives me a little hope, but soon that smirk vanishes.

"I could ask you the same thing." Her eyebrow raises in question.

"Touché." I nod, standing there like an idiot. I look at my shoes and find myself rocking back and forth on my feet.

"You want to come up?" I whisper just to break the oppressive silence. The only noises I hear is the rain splattering against the window of the Chinese place as well as the concrete. Car tires are sloshing in puddles as they speed by, throwing water up onto the parked cars on the side of the street.

"Sure," she says as she pushes off of the wall.

I push open the door and hold it for her to walk through.

"Why didn't you wait inside? At least you would have been dry." I state and I receive a hum in response.

I see her shoes leaving a trail of water behind them as her tiny footprints are being covered by mine. Don't ask me why I feel the need to step wherever she does.

When we make it to my door, I unlock it and push it open. I hold it while she steps through, immediately kicking off her waterlogged sneakers. She reaches down and gently places them by the door.

I do the same with mine, as I move to the kitchen. "Want something to drink?" I ask. I don't really know what to say. I know I could start out with how I'm sorry and how I miss her and all that other bullshit, but I'm afraid she'll bolt like she did two months ago.

She shakes her head, moving towards the chair in the corner of the room. I can tell she's trying to distance herself from me, and I can't say I blame her. I notice that her walls are back up and the bitter Bella is in place. She looks out my window, sighing. I move to sit on the couch, not caring that my clothes are sticking to every inch of me. I just don't want to waste any time with her if this would be the last time I see her. I've saved most of my wages from her, so I have a pretty little savings built up. Not only that, I also sold some of my photos to art collectors. Not the ones of her face, just the ones showing her silhouette and such.

I hear her clear her throat, pulling me away from my thoughts as I look over at her.

I decide to say something because the tension in my small, little, studio apartment is nauseating.

"Look, Bella. There are so many places I want to start …" But her movement halts my words as she throws the backpack off her shoulders making a thud against the floor. She unzips it and starts to pull what looks to be book after book out. She stands up, cradling four books in her arms and walks over to me.

I see a ton of little tabs sticking out from the pages. When she sits them down on the coffee table, she opens the first book to one of the tabbed pages.

"This one is from freshman year, and would you look at that name right there. It says Edward Cullen. Now, if you would notice, there are about eight tabs in this one. Funny thing is, when you turn to this tab right here …there is a picture of me in all my high school glory. But when you look close …there stands Edward Cullen behind me looking like I'm something he's longing for." Her voice holds anger in every word.

I remember when that picture was taken, and I remember bolting after the flash went off. But then, after that, I really didn't pay attention.

"Now on to our sophomore year, shall we?" she asks, but doesn't wait for an answer. She pulls at a tab, "Oh, look. Here is the homecoming court. There I am in that hideous thing called a dress. My escort for the night was a douche." She laughs and turns the book around towards me. "But, would you look right there. Edward Cullen sits in the stands with a camera to his face, taking a picture. The one that happened to be at the gallery that night," she taps the photo with her finger looking right at me. My eyes flicker back and forth from the photo to her face letting her know I understand what she is saying.

She flips to another tab, and explains that picture to me. I know all of them. I have the same books that she does and when they were handed out, I went through the whole thing – front to back – highlighting all of her photos.

A loud smack enters the room and it was the book falling to the coffee table as she reaches over for our junior yearbook. Quickly she finds the page she's looking for, hurt sitting in her eyes. "This picture is just basic, showing life in the hallways. But, if you look really close to this one, I'm walking, and my back is to the camera. I had no idea this picture was even taken." She shakes her head. "The look on your face Edward, you're turned around staring at the back of my head. Your camera is thrown over your shoulder; you looked so lonely."

Her face is solemn.

She repeats this process over and over, until the last page is flipped through in our senior yearbook. "In all these pictures, you looked at me like I was your entire world." When she closes the book, and drops it to the table, the sound echoes in my tiny apartment. "Seeing those pictures in that gallery – so many emotions ran through me Edward. Those were the worst times in my life. Then, the pictures you had of me sitting by a tree reading; capturing me in the world that I wanted to myself. The world I thought was mine and mine alone. I didn't know anyone else knew that I consistently placed my ass by that tree, or that open field looking out – dreaming of one day being away from there. You captured it, and it reminded me of all the things that were wrong in my life.

"So, what do you have to say for yourself?" she asks looking out towards the window to her left. "I thought you were someone different, someone I loved, and someone worth it. But that's all behind us and is a distant memory now. I know that it was all an act." She says as she hastily wipes tears from her eyes.

I'm at a loss for words. Surprising huh? But when I go to speak, she just continues on in a rush.

"You lied, Edward. You lied to make yourself into something better. I feel used. Completely used by you. It's heartbreaking knowing when I sat there and poured myself out to you, and you already fucking knew everything, already. You knew my parents and who I dated; those assholes that basically tried to sell me off for their own gain. That's pathetic really. Then when I go and support you, there they stand like I owe them something and you let them," she huffs.

I feel the need to step in. "Bella, I didn't invite them." But before I can get anything else out, she cuts in.

"They were still there weren't they? Let me guess, they kissed your ass all night long – acting like they knew you so well to everyone they mingled with at your showing. And the sad part is that if you knew how they treated me, you let them do that to you."

She shakes her head and I notice that anger is filling her soul.

"I didn't let them," I say quietly.

"What was that?" she asks, fire burning in her eyes.

"I told them that they didn't deserve you as a daughter and basically what they did to you in high school was disgusting. I told them that they needed to leave. I even explained it to my parents what they were doing. After I explained to my mother, the light bulbs finally went off in her head. Needless to say – your parents will no longer be a problem_." I remember watching my mother smack the shit out of Bella's mother while I laughed, because my heart hurt so much. I was finding anything distracting amusing at the time. _

"Oh well, aren't you my little knight in shining armor and shit." She breathes out. "But that still doesn't take care of the fact that you saved all that information and withheld it from me until the night of your showing, especially when you knew who I was. Is that the reason you showed up acquiring about the job?" she asks.

"No. I honestly had no idea." I know that's another lie I just let out, I quickly try to fix it before another thing spirals. "When Emmett told me the name of the company, something clicked in my head. The name was familiar, and I had to check it out. When I turned around and saw you – I was taken back. I never thought in my wildest dreams Bella, that I would ever see you again." I look down at my hands. "Then, when I realized it was really you, I couldn't help myself. I figured this was a once in a lifetime chance for you to get to know _me_. Not the Edward that I was in high school. Not the dorky kid that everyone made fun of. It was the grown up Edward that had nothing to lose. Well, I did lose, but you know what I mean." I shrug.

"It still doesn't rectify the fact that you lied." She throws her hands on her hips.

"No it doesn't, and I can honestly say there is nothing I can do to take that back. But I am fucking sorry. I'm so sorry for lying to you. I never ever meant to hurt you." I close my eyes, and when I open them I see her standing right in front of me.

"Then, why? I wanna know why?" she yells and for some reason, it's like a fire erupts.

"Why …I'll tell you why. I was so fucking afraid of losing you, Bella. I lost you once; I didn't want to do it again. I was so scared. I finally got you, and I didn't want to let you go." I stand up, starting to pace. She wants it all, I'll give it.

"You really think I used you? That's pathetic. I was trying to get my break for my photos before I even showed up in your office lobby asking for the job. Yes, I had a ton of pictures of you from high school, that's a given. The title I gave my show was fitting. You were always cooler than me, Bella. You were in the popular group. I wasn't. You never noticed me. Yes, I would stare at you; I would always look at you because I thought you were beautiful …you still are.

"Dammit Bella, when you finally get something you always wanted, wouldn't you do anything you could possible do not lose it?" I ask her, looking at her. Her features are falling, no longer showing stone, but rather understanding. "I did what I thought was right. Should I have told you before my show? Yes, I should. But I can't go back and change the past nor do I want to. Those months we spent together were better than I could have ever thought. I feel horrible for not telling you, but it is what it is. It's done." I turn around not able to look at her.

"The feelings I had for you back then were nothing compared to what I feel for you now. These past two months have been hell. I'm pretty sure that I've drank double my weight in alcohol. I have no desire to even pick up my fucking camera. I have Charlotte calling me non-stop asking for new stuff. I don't care anymore. That's why I think it's best that I leave New York. Chicago sounds like a cool place to go. Maybe the feeling of something important will come to me there. You obviously don't want me here. So why stay? What's holding me here?

I love you so fucking much it hurts Bella, and I know it's not going to go away."

"I want to know about the tattoos that you never once told me about – the meaning of them." She says and I know this is going to sound completely fucked up.

I take a deep breath and pull off my shirt. "The tree, the tree is yours. The tree, like you said, was your world and I wanted to be a part of it so much. That's where I fell in love with you. I watched you sit under it for hours at a time, lost in your books for hours on end. I know it sounds like I'm a creeper, but it is what it is. The bird on my arm …it's a swan. The swan, not only is it your last name but it also means love, grace, union, beauty, balance, and a ton of other things." I shrug. "The Viking tattoo means, 'where there's a will, there's a way.' So yeah, Bella, I have tattoos marking my body for forever that will remind me of you." My body is trembling and it's not for the lack of heat. It's because I'm losing her, for good.

I turn to look at her when I see her holding an envelope in her hands.

It's the one I taped to her door when I left Forks for good. It explained how much I cared about her and loved her even though I didn't really know her. I didn't sign my name. It was the chicken shit way out, but what was I supposed to do.

"Explain this to me then?" she asks. "Why did I find this taped to my front door early in the morning?" The envelope is shaking as I reach out to take it from her, but she pulls it back. "No, don't touch it," she snaps, shaking her head. "As much as you don't want to believe it, I noticed you Edward. I always felt bad for you – always being picked on. I held on to this letter for so many years because I never knew who wrote it. It was just signed with a fucking, stupid, letter 'C' and it made no sense to me who the hell it could be. I didn't know anyone whose name that began with that. Now, I know." She laughs, tears are starting to flow down her cheeks again, and she hurries to push them away.

"I wanted this person right here. The one who told me how he felt about me. You saw under my exterior, Edward. I thought that if I could ever figure out who wrote this, I would be with this person forever. Your words, the way you said these things about me, it made me feel beautiful. It made me feel wanted. I want to be wanted." She hiccups the last word. "You crushed me Edward. You hurt me so much," She says sadly shaking her head. "I loved you." Her chest heaves, trying to contain the sobs fighting to break through.

"I will always love you, Bella. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for lying and deceiving you when it was never my intention. I just got you to notice me and I didn't want to let you go, but now I have to. You have to be happy and apparently it's not helping with me still working for you and being in the same city. So, I'm moving and I won't be in your hair again.

"You know, it's kind of like that saying, '_if you love them, you let them go. If it's true love it will come back to you, and if it's not then it wasn't meant to be_.'" I chuckle nervously. "So this is where I am. I have to let you go. Live the life you built here without me around. I hurt you too much and for that I'm extremely sorry. I just hope one day you can forgive me." I say quietly, as I reach down to pick up one of the yearbooks. "I must say, you were the only thing during those four years that made that place bearable. That letter I wrote, I meant it and I still do."

I pick up the books and move over to where she was seated, and slide them back in the soaked backpack. I zip it up and carry it back to where she's standing. She hasn't moved an inch since I walked past her to grab her stuff.

"Here," I hand her the backpack and she tentatively reaches for it.

A muttered thanks falls from her lips, then she steps towards the door, but pauses. "You still mean everything to me Edward. You killed me with the lies and deceit. Thank you for defending me to my parents, I do appreciate that. I'm sorry you feel the need to leave your home because of me. Maybe if you would have come clean and told me the truth from the beginning ...things would have been different. I know I would have been a little stunned, but I would have gotten over it a little easier than knowing I loved someone that was a fraud. Did I overreact at the gallery - possibly? But it doesn't change the fact of what you did.

"I've been miserable, worse than any other times before, because what we had was real, Edward. You were real to me and I was real with you. Do I want you to leave? No. I'm afraid that if I walk out that door, fate won't come around again for us. Something is telling me in my gut that we were meant to find each other." She shrugs. "But, I guess that doesn't matter. Gotta fight the fear right?" she laughs nervously. "I wish you the best in wherever life takes you. I hope you find someone that opens your soul and you let them in and enjoy every minute. You deserve that Edward. I'm sorry for what happened to you in school back then. It was nice to see that the once timid guy, who hid in corners with his camera and his nose in books, now has what he always dreamed of." She turns to me and smiles, tears running down her cheeks. She doesn't push them away as she licks her lips. "So thank you for the answers you provided me."

She turns to leave, and I'm not sure if this time I should let her go or not. I'm not sure I deserve to be the one to run after her.

When she pulls open my door, I know it's now or never.

"Could you ever look past it …you know …the truth I kept from you?" I ask her. She turns around, one hand still on the door knob. "You know, is it worth throwing away everything we had? You know what they say; the one who crushed your heart is really the only one who can truly put it back together." I rush out.

"Edward …" she looks off to the right. "Would I be able to trust you? How would I know that you aren't lying to me again?" She looks back at me.

"Never again," I shake my head, my eyes never leaving hers. "I would never lie again. I don't want to lose you, Bella." I feel nervous but excited; my eyes are filling up with tears because she's actually considering it. I'm trying to hold them back but they fall. "I'd spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I was stupid and a fucking fool."

I see her chest shaking, "I don't want that. I don't want you calling yourself names. It's happened to you too much in your life. There is no need to belittle yourself. She looks down at the floor. "The past is the past Edward. I want a damn future. I wanted a future with you. I wanted it all." She looks up and I see the love trying to shine through, glistening on her features. Needless to say, it gives me hope.

"Remember when I told you that I wanted it all? I still do Bella. With _you_.

"When I move, the feelings for you won't just go away. I"ll still want it, I"ll still want _you_. Hell, I have wanted it all these years." I move towards her. "I just hope one day you can forgive me." I wipe the tears off my face. My heart is begging her to tell me not to leave. "I love you Bella; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I will miss everything about you. Your face, your crazy mind, your fly off the handle attitude, your love …I'll miss it all. But I'll be forever grateful that I had my chance with you. That for once in my life something felt right and perfect. And it was because of you. It's not because of the damn photos, it's because you loved me for me."

I'm now standing right in front of her, my eyes focused on hers. "I'll never deceive you again …please just …let me show you. You're everything to me, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I reach out and rub my thumbs under her eyes.

"I love you."

"Just …don't, Edward," she says quietly.

"Don't what?" I move my face closer to hers.

"Never again …don't do this to me ever again," she whispers.

My lips are now ghosting over hers.

"Never," I say softly and press my lips fully to hers.

She pulls back.

"Stay.

"Stay and fix it."

"Fight for what you want."

* * *

**a/n: As always thanks for reading! Leave some mad mushy love if you care to! Let me know what you think! I'm thinking there are gonna be 2 chapters left and an EPI … **

**As always find me of the FB - Mandi Niko and I have a group. If you want to be added let me know! **


	16. Chapter 16

_**Ah! So here it is – the last regular chapter. Yes, I know I said 2 more and then Epi …I lied. But, this is it! The Epi will follow soon! As always, thank you to the lovely SunflowerFran and Witchywoman for all their help! And as always, thank you to the readers! I love reading your reviews – they are awesome! I hope I got to respond to all of you! Thank you so MUCH!**_

_**Chapter song: Whitney Houston – I wanna dance with somebody. **_

* * *

BPOV

I'm missing Edward – like bat shit crazy missing him.

His photography has really taken off in the past couple months, which in turn makes it necessary for him to be away from New York a lot. I can't say that I enjoy it too much, but he needs to do what he needs to do.

It's girl's night out. It's been this way for the past couple weekends since Edward has been traveling. I would rather spend my evenings with him, but it's always nice to have that distance. When Edward said he was moving away from New York that night at his apartment when I confronted him, there was an instant pain in my gut. I knew right then I wouldn't be able to live without that man. We've been through so much shit together; the lying and everything else that surrounded our relationship that fought to bring us down, we prevailed, and are now stronger than ever. We are in the open about everything now and things are better than I could have possibly hoped. It still doesn't make the distance easy though.

I'm sitting on my bar stool swaying to the song that the DJ is playing when I notice that my drink is gone. I turn and look around for the waitress.

_Ah ha!_

Waving my hands around like a lunatic, she comes over and I place my drink order.

"Anyone else need anything?" she asks. Everyone stops talking and looks down at their glasses and beer bottles. They all ramble what they want when one of my favorite songs blasts through the speakers. I quickly glance down at my phone that's sitting on the tabletop, checking to see if Edward has texted me and he hasn't. He's been gone for a week, but it feels like eternity. He's not due to come home for another couple of days and they're slowly dragging by.

"Come on girls," I yell and hop down off my stool.

"Oh, god, please no," Joey shouts when I start twirling. "Couldn't you have played a different fucking song?" she shouts at the DJ even though I know for certain he can't hear her.

"Shut your face woman and dance with me. It's a great freaking song," I yell as I look around the table. I see the other girls moving to make their way to the dance floor, and suddenly I'm giddy.

I practically skip out there and start moving my hips around. I swear sometimes I grew up in the wrong era. Eighties music moves me. When the rest of the girls follow suit, I let loose. My moves are bringing it back old school. I throw them all out there while Deb, Joey, Missy, Jessica, and even Alice are laughing at me. I even see Emmett and Rose with their phones out taking pictures, but I don't give a damn.

I bring out the running man, rocking that shit.

Next, it's the water sprinkler while I sing, "I just wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat of somebody."

Don't forget about that lawnmower. It is the summertime and people need to mow their grass. I don't have any, but eh, to each their own.

"And when the night falls, the loneliness calls." I sing out as I cast my fishing rod at Alice who has graciously caught my hook and starts swimming at me. I reel her in and hug her.

"Bella, what the hell is up with this dancing?" She yells in my ear and I shrug. If these bitches only knew, this is how I dance at home. They are just lucky I don't pull out my Molly Ringwald. Now _those_ are the moves that I rock some socks on. I kick her ass in that department no matter how awesome she was in that library with Emilio or her skill with putting lipstick on with her cleavage.

We finish out the song and I look around, amazingly all the girls have found a guy. They're rubbing their junk on their asses, "feeling the heat" according to Whitney. I feel out of breath, and move back to our table. Emmett and Rose are kissing, and it's cute but it makes me miss Edward that much more.

I'm guessing I have a pretty solemn look on my face when I hear Emmett's voice. "Just a couple more days Debbie Downer," he laughs.

"Did you not just see my moves?" I ask him flipping my sweaty hair over my shoulder. "I was busting it out there, so shut the hell up." Luckily the waitress delivered my drink, because my ass was parched.

I do smile back at Emmett though, that was something that was also patched up. Even though I was pissed at him and, well, at Rose too for withholding information from me, I understand where they were coming from. It wasn't their story to tell, it was his. I missed Emmett terribly and working at the office without my assistant by my side, as well as my best friend, it was hard. According to him, I turned into evil bitch and didn't even realize it. He said that those weeks following the showing at the gallery were awful. Everyone was afraid to approach me, worried their face was going to be ripped off if something was incorrect or out of place.

When I finally agreed to go to lunch with both of them, it was strange, and you could cut the tension with a knife. But things are better now, and we made a vow never to hold anything from each other again. I missed them and they apparently missed the Bella that Edward helped create. But, unbeknownst to them, I was always this Bella, Edward knew that, but they didn't. The hard shelled Bella – you know – like the Ninja Turtle – was just a mock-up, developed from years of hate. I hid behind that exterior for so long, when inside I was dying to be let out and be able to really live.

That's not to say that I let people walk all over me at work again, because that's not a possibility. I've simply been more at ease, and having the people I care most about back in my life, I'm going to cherish it.

My phone alerts me of a message and I quickly look down at it, hoping it's from my lover. I smile when I see his name flash across the screen.

Nice moves Baby. Wish I could be there to dance with u. ~E

I hold one eye shut and quickly type out a response the best that I can.

Don't judge me, I'm lonely. Plus, u don't dance remember. ~B

His reply is almost immediate.

I would for u. I'll b home quicker than u think. ;) ~E

What I wouldn't give for u to be home now. : (~B

I know, just wanted to say I love u. ~E

Love u too. ~B

Yes, I said home. A couple weeks back, Edward and I decided to take that step forward in our relationship. Now that things have finally been aired out and moved to the past, we wanted to focus on the future. Not the bullshit that happened in High School or about how Edward found me and the secrets that lay underneath them. We wanted to start new, someplace fresh. I know for certain that I'm going to be with Edward for the rest of my life, and he has told me the same. It gives me butterflies to know that I make him happy and he would want forever with me, just as much as I want it with him.

So, we decided to move in together. We made a joint decision that for some odd reason, his place felt more like home to me. It very well could be that wherever Edward is feels like home, but whatever. I sold my apartment fairly quickly and hauled my shit over to his place. Yes, it was small, but it was ours. This is honestly the place where all of our best memories were made. My place held no significance to our relationship.

We threw away his Goodwill finds and replaced most of them with my things. Some of them we kept simply because, again, there were memories. I let a few of my employees come pick out some things that I knew I didn't want to throw away, but also knew wouldn't have a home at our new apartment. Some of them have just graduated and had new places and I know how that is when you're sleeping on a mattress on the floor and you only have a fold-out chair to sit in. I wanted to help out and that's what I did. Call it a charitable donation of sorts. It made me feel good, and the appreciation showed on their faces.

I look around the bar and see all my friends dancing with their nightly lovers; I glance across the table at Emmett and Rose and I'm suddenly feeling out of place at the moment with all the lovey-dovey shit.

"Hey," I yell, "I'm going to head home." I slide my phone back into my clutch and slide off the seat as I down the rest of my drink, and move toward them.

"Why are you leaving?" Rose yells as I shrug. I don't want to seem dopey.

"I'm missing lover man, and I feel the need to go home and smell his pillow some more." I smile.

"Oh lord, you do have it bad. It's worse than we thought Emmett." She pouts.

"Call a spade a spade. I'm a lovesick fool that's missing the shit out of him." I reach up to hug her. "I'll call you guys tomorrow." I say as I hug Emmett.

"Be careful, Bella. Have a good night." Emmett winks as he pulls away.

"Tell the girls will ya?" They both nod as I push myself out the door and flag down a taxi. I mean, I could walk, but Bella Swan is channeling her inner laziness.

The cab ride gives me time to ponder on the internal feelings I'm having. When have I become so dependent on someone? When have I ever let someone take care of me, or feel this way? I'm not used to it and trying to figure out why is nauseating. I feel lost when he's not around, or when I'm at work. I check my phone more than I do the company email. When he calls me, I drop everything. I've never done that before. I've always put my life and my company before anything, and now, I'm happy when he's happy and vice versa. Yes, I love my company and it is still going strong. The top notch work ethic I had before I met Edward is still there; however, unless it's something that is a pressing issue, I refuse to stay late. I would much rather rush home to spend time with him. It's probably because we don't see each other as much as we used to.

_Oh, and by the way, the new bike messenger sucks ass. Just a side note. _

"Twenty- two dollars lady," the cabbie turns and says. I turn and notice we are in front of my apartment.

"Hold on." I say and I hear him huff.

I reach into my clutch and pull out some cash and throw it in the front seat. "Keep the change you filthy animal." I laugh as I channel my inner Ralph Foody from those Home Alone movies, and step out of the cab.

Making quick work of the stairs, I'm thinking about how I want to get into bed and cuddle with Edward's pillow. I fucking miss that man, and yeah, I miss his meat. Who wouldn't? I put the key in the lock and twist it, ready to be greeted by darkness, but instead I find filtering, flickering light all over our place.

I push the door open a little more and look down to see his shoes placed on the mat like they always are.

I pull mine off, setting them beside them. I'm afraid to turn around, thinking this is nothing but my alcohol induced vision.

I place my purse on the kitchen table and take a deep breath and turn around.

The space is completely filled with quite possibly every, candle available.

"Bella." I hear Edward's voice filter through the room and I finally find his eyes. There is a smile playing on his lips as my feet carry me towards him.

"Edward, what are you doing home? You weren't supposed to be home for another couple days." I shake my head.

I finally make it to him and I pull him into me and take a deep breath in.

"I got in a couple hours ago." He chuckles. I pull back and gently smack him on the chest.

"Why didn't you call me, I would have come home." I try to be mad at him for not letting me know, but I squish him closer to me.

"Well, I wouldn't have had time to set this up." He pushes me gently and steps backwards.

"Yeah, about this …what's all this for?" I question, looking into his eyes.

"It's for you. To show you how much I missed you." He kisses me on the cheek and stands straight again.

I am so in love with this man standing in front of me, it's stupid. The things he has done for me are incredible. Yes, people may say that it's stupid to love someone who has lied to you from the get go, especially when he said that he loved me so much. But, I understand why he did; he didn't want me to disappear. I believe full heartedly that Edward did what he thought was best, and quite honestly; it made us a better couple because of it.

My parents haven't been a nuisance since that day at the Gallery, and I thank Edward every chance I get for that one. It's also made me open up and realize that I need therapy for the feelings I have about them, and for the way they treated me. It's a lot easier to talk with someone and pour your heart out, especially when they have an unbiased opinion. Sure, I could talk to Edward about it, but it would be a biased opinion and I don't want that. It's made certain topics easier to talk about. He can talk about his parents now, and a few times I even found the patience to talk to his mother. She's a lively person, but needs to cut back on the caffeine. She's begged us time and time again to come home and visit them, but it's going to take some time before I'm okay with that. It's hitting too close to home and the thought of being anywhere in the vicinity of my parents makes my skin crawl.

Some may say what my parents did to me wasn't bad at all, but to me, it was. Who uses their children? I know when I have my own kids I would never, ever let that become a factor. I would want them to grow and be who they want to be; let them make mistakes and not push them towards something unwanted. It's a horrible feeling and I want them carefree, making mistakes so they learn from them. I want them growing up in a loving home, where it's rambunctious and senile at times, with lots of laughter and memories, and cherishing every moment.

"Baby, where did you go?" Edward questions, as I feel his hands moving gently up and down my arms.

"Just thinking," I smile, reaching up and kissing him. His arms wrap around me, kissing me back. Those kisses turn into something deeper and before too long we are clawing at each other.

"I missed you so much," I whisper into the open space.

"So much, Bella," he says as he lays me down on the bed, crawling up over me.

I giggle as he laughs, "you look like a freaking cheetah when you do that."

"When I do what," he laughs in response.

"You know, when you crawl over me like I'm something to eat." I try to move further back on the bed, but he halts my movements with his hands on my hips.

"But you are something to eat," he says with an evil glint in his eyes.

"So what does that make me then? If you're a cheetah, then what am I, a freaking wildebeest? No, no I got it, I'm a gazelle. Those things are graceful you know. How about a laughing hyena? Wait, no those are annoying. They make me think of the Lion King. The only good one was Ed. It's proof that cats don't always land on their feet. Oh …_Mufasa_ …say it with me Edward, _Mufasa_. " I'm rambling a mile a minute and he's looking at me like I've grown three heads.

"How freaking much have you had to drink tonight?" he laughs.

"Not much. I'm just happy to have my Stud muffin back in my arms. Sniffing your pillow was becoming a little crazy, even for me." I shrug.

"Well I'm happy to have my Buttercup tucked safely underneath me." He thrusts his hips forward, and I quickly find out how _happy _he really is.

I laugh to myself, "_Mufasa._"

"God, shut up Bella." He crashes his lips to mine.

This is definitely a way to make drunk Bella shut up.

. . . . .

"Um …Bella, you might want to take a look at this." Emmett barges into my office with a newspaper printout in his hand. He starts waving it in my face; I quickly snatch it from him. Looking down at it, I feel love overcome me when I see that it's a clipping from a review of Edward's show. I read through it, amazed with how many people are impressed by his talent. I always knew it, but it's refreshing that there is no one-sided judgment there. Of course, he knows I think he's fantastic, but to have that opinion from others …it's amazing.

It brings me back to the article that I read about his showing here in New York. It was a horrible night, but after reading what he said in the piece, it broke my heart. This man really did care and love me, and I was always in the forefront of his mind. He said that if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been where he is today. Well, of course he wouldn't because those pictures crossed the span of years. It explained how much he loved me and cared about me; about how much joy I brought to his life and how he hoped his photography brought that out. He wanted the world to see how he sees me in every different light.

But, in the end, it was that article that made me seek Edward out and listen to his reasoning. It became more than I ever thought when every detail and situation was brought up and laid out. We were idiots, always taking and not giving each other very much. I know now that he never used me for what I could do for him. He simply wanted me to see the real him, not the one who had been characterized by the opinion of others for years. And I did, and I love him.

As I scan and read the article, one name blast off the page and immediate anger flushes through me. "Mother fucker," I whisper as I feel my hands grip the copy harder between my fingers.

"How fucking dare she." I stand quickly. "Emmett, I want the editor of this paper on the phone as soon as you can." I say to him, harsher than need be, but he nods quickly. I'm sure he understands, but I quickly apologize. He waves his hand at me, smiling. I smile back as I sit down and pull out my cell phone. I find Edward's number quickly and hit dial.

It rings for a few moments, wishing he would pick up. It goes to voicemail and I hang up, dialing again. I will not relent until I know the truth.

Finally after a few hang ups and redials he answers, "Hey babe, what's up." His voice laced with sleep.

"Sorry to wake you handsome, but I have a question." My teeth are gritting together, but I try to sound happy on the phone.

"What's wrong?" He asks as I spin in my chair. I don't know why, but I need privacy. So in some ways, turning my chair around to face out the window gives me that.

"Were my mother and father at your show in Chicago?" I press forward as I hear him exhale through the speaker.

"Yes, but when I noticed her, I had her escorted off the premises." He says quietly. "How did you find out?"

"By the god damn clipping from the Chicago newspaper that Emmett brought to me. I thought she was done with this bullshit. I'm sorry baby but I can't believe you have to deal with her following you around like a bitch in heat." I huff through the phone.

"It's not a worry of mine, Bella. I know what she's doing, and it's disgraceful, hence the reason I had her removed," he says, and I can tell he's quite irritated.

"You should see what she says." I mock laugh. "She thinks she knows all about you and blah, blah, blah." I glance down at the clipping again, disgust crossing my features.

I quickly read him what was printed, about how proud of him my mother is of his work and how she was always there to support his dream and what a dream it is that the two of us are finally together – bringing family and friends together in unity. She even said that he was like the son they never had.

Bullshit, I tell you, loads of it.

"Bella, I have the editor on the phone for you." Emmett comes through my phone speaker.

"Thanks Emmett. Listen baby, I have to go. I'll call you later or I'll see you at home."

"Okay, try to have a good day. I love you."

"Loves you, too." I make a kissy noise to him and hang up my cell as I ask Emmett to place him though.

_This is going to be interesting._

. . . . .

This is probably my favorite thing in the world. The weekends I get to spend with Edward. There's nothing pressing today, so we've just decided to veg out in bed …naked. Yep, it is my favorite.

My head is resting on his chest, while we talk about everything and anything. There is probably not one issue we haven't talked about. Last night, I told him what I had said to the editor of the paper, and how the facts that the journalist had printed were false. He laughed at the situation and I guess he was correct. I mean, they do print whatever they want to, no matter if the story is fact or fiction.

When my stomach starts grumbling in the early afternoon, Edward laughs and moves to the kitchen. When he returns, he holding two bowls of Lucky Charms and I scoot to sit up, leaning against the headboard. He hands me a bowl and I dig in. Moaning at the goodness – hey those marshmallows are the bomb. He does nothing but laugh at me while he takes a huge bite of his own. The only thing that would make this better was a steaming cup of my favorite coffee. Now that would be awesome.

"So, coffee after this, right?"

"My Lord, you read my mind," I say shoving another spoonful in my mouth. "You're the bomb baby."

"I know," he laughs.

Things are just so easy now, and there is no longer that heavy barrier around my heart. It's completely his and his alone. I thought I knew what love was before, but I was sadly mistaken. Edward is love, and he's mine. I wanna keep him for as long as he'll have me.

I take our bowls to the kitchen and clean them up while I turn around and see that Edward is right behind me.

"I love you, ya know." He says as he moves to press me up against the counter, placing gentle kisses on my shoulder.

"Yep, and I love you." I say back, but quickly spot the sprayer on the sink. Just one little squirt won't hurt him right?

"Mmm, do you think we have time for a quickie before we go get coffee?" He asks. His mouth is moving painfully slow up my neck, to my ear.

"Nope." I say quietly, reaching for the sprayer.

"Come on, I'll be quick. There is just something about watching my sexy girlfriend stand naked in the kitchen." He breathes out, feeling his tongue against my earlobe before taking it in between his lips.

I quickly spin around; amazed at myself for the resistance I had towards him. He looks shocked as I flip the handle up on the faucet, holding down the nozzle handle, shooting him in the face.

"I want coffee and you need to cool down, buddy." I shout as he's reaching out trying desperately to grab a hold of it while I bob and weave, not relenting.

"Give me the sprayer, Bella." He yells and I can do nothing but laugh.

"No!" I yell, and in my best Braveheart voice I exclaim, "You can take my life, but you can never take my coffee." It's a pretty sad excuse for an accent, but dammit, I gave it my best shot.

"Oh my God, you're not Mel Gibson for Christ sakes." He says, sputtering water out of his mouth as he lunges for me with one arm in front.

He latches on and grabs the sprayer turning it around on me. "Give me liberty or give me death." I sputter through the onslaught of water.

The water stops as Edward looks at me funny. "You go from William Wallace to Patrick Henry; you confuse me sometimes."

"Hey, I do what I can." I shrug and go to move away as he turns off the water and puts the nozzle back in its spot. Unfortunately I don't get away that easy because I slip and fall in the puddle that is at our feet. Edward tries to help me up, but falls right beside of me, laughing.

"We are a pair huh?"

"Love you." He says quietly as I return his sentiment.

We get my coffee later, after we showered and got dressed and decided to spend the majority of the day outside. Stopping by a bookstore, I picked up the book I've been dying to read for some time now. Edward is across the street snapping pictures of cars and other shit while I stand back and watch him work. He's amazing, that's really all I can say. He's completely in his element, and I feel bad for disturbing him to let him know that I'm parking my ass next to that tree over there. He just simply nods and goes back to snapping pictures. I laugh, because I'm the same way when I'm working. Distractions be damned.

He's just so cute, I wanna _squeeze_ him.

We stayed longer than we wanted at the park but Edward was happy. "I got some really good stuff today." He was excited and it bounced off of him to me.

"Yeah?" I questioned.

"So much. You ready to go? You look hungry." He smiled as he threw his camera over his shoulder and knelt down helping me place the books in my bag.

"Sounds good." I lean up and kiss him.

. . . . .

After getting home later than what we intended, I fell asleep while Edward worked diligently in his photo room. I didn't have the energy to stay up any later than I did, so I closed my book and shut my eyes. I felt movement late in the morning, but I refused to acknowledge it, because again, I was being a lazy ass and didn't want to wake up. I felt Edward grab my hand and then move behind me. I quickly snuggled up with him, feeling his arms hold me tightly. His heart was beating so hard in his chest, and I remember wondering why.

I felt his breath wash over me and I fell back into a peaceful slumber wrapped tightly in him.

I stirred late in the afternoon, rolling over to feel Edward still lying beside me.

"Mmm, good morning." I said lazily.

"Good morning to you." He smiled, but the emotion wasn't all there.

I rolled back over, stretching, feeling Edward get out of bed. "Where you going? It's Sunday." I questioned him. As I reached my hands over my head to stretch - I felt something on my finger. I stilled, and my breath caught. I know for a fact it wasn't there last night, I never sleep in my jewelry. My fingers fingered the ring, and I slowly move my hands down from above my head to my face. I didn't realize that my eyes were squeezed tightly closed, and I opened them to see the most beautiful ring I have ever seen in my life.

"Edward." I whispered into the room. I didn't realize he was by my side of the bed, down on the floor. I slowly looked over at him and I could see the sheen of tears in his eyes.

"Bella," he whispered back, smiling.

"What …what is …is this …ya know …" I can't even form a sentence. My hands are shaking and I have a river of emotions flowing through me.

"Um …if you're thinking what I'm trying to tell you, Bella … yeah it is." He chuckles nervously. His face is serious again when I hear two words that send me over the edge.

"Marry me."

* * *

_**A/N: Thanks for reading! **_

_**If there is something you want more of, let me know! I'll see if I can get these two to pull it out and talk about it. **_

_**I have a new story in the works, so if you interested, find me on FB – Mandi Niko **_

_**I also have a group - so if you want to be added to that, let me know. Mucho mad love peeps! Thanks so much and I'll see you all with the EPI! **_


	17. Epilogue

_**So here it is my lovelies! The epi! Please read the A/N at the bottom of the page! I'm not going to babble here! **_

_**But, I will tell you – per Witchy and Sunflower – there needs to be a tissue warning and a blankey needed. Yes, to some of you this is a mascara runner. **_

_**Chapter songs: Melissa Etheridge – Come to my Window and John Hiatt – Have a Little Faith in Me.**_

* * *

EPOV

I sit here staring out the window, wondering where in the hell do I go from here. I don't want to move from this spot. It's where I intended to spend the rest of my days, but that's not happening. I don't want to fathom what moving away from here is going to be like.

Our life has been filled with so many ups and downs, but I wouldn't have changed a single minute of them. I take a deep breath and it makes my heart hurt.

It hurts so damn bad.

I hear sounds coming from every room of our home. People are milling around, moving this and that, packing up what was once our life. They can all go to hell. I'm in hell and they don't seem to care.

I hear kids screaming and laughing, and I secretly smile because those are the only sounds that make my heart actually beat.

"Hey …hey." I look down to find Alec pulling at my pant leg.

"Hey, Buddy. Whatcha need?" I question him. My finger gliding over the smooth baby skin on his cheek, memorizing how soft if feels.

"We found this." He holds up a photo. It's a photo of you. My heart aches and squeezes. Air leaves my body in one swift movement; I swallow the lump in my throat and nod at him.

"There was a whole box of them in the attic." He takes his little finger, pushing some of the dust around the glass. "Who was this?"

My emotions are getting the best of me so I turn and stare back out of the window.

I hear footsteps coming down the steps and I scoot closer to the window. I want to push myself out of it, just to end this madness. I don't want to leave - this is our home. How dare they assume to know what's best for me.

I hear a couple of boxes being placed on the floor. I know what they are. I refuse to turn around and look at the people who are carelessly moving out our belongings.

"Why don't you answer me? Can you not talk?" I look down at the little five-year old that's standing beside me.

"Of course I can talk." My voice comes out harsh.

"Then why don't you answer my question. Mama said it's rude to not to." He nods.

"That's your great-grandmother." I say with emotion lingering in my voice.

"No it's not." He huffs, "who is this? I don't remember her. I don't remember seeing anyone with this face." He's looking at the picture in his tiny little hands, confusion clouding his features.

"It really is." I look down at him. He's studying that picture intently.

It's only been two months since you left. I still make you coffee every morning and set it in your spot. I look over at the cup I made just moments ago and smile to myself, the peppermint stick dances in the black liquid shrinking in size by the minute.

It was your favorite, and I remembered to bring it to you every day. The smell of those sticks brings back so many memories. You were the sweetest, smelling person, and nothing can duplicate it except for that.

"Then tell me about her. I want to know." He taps his temple. He's a smart one for only being five.

I hear feet stop and shuffle around, gaining closeness as the simple question asked. I turn to look over my shoulder and I see our grandchildren pulling the pictures out of the boxes. They undo the bubble wrap from them and gasp. I smile knowing those pictures are of you – from high school and on. They were the ones from my first showing. I've had many other shows over the years, but those pictures were never for sale. I shake my head and remember how you wanted them stored away. Those pictures showing our lives before they were fully ours, and ours alone.

"Yeah, GG, I want to hear about maw-maw too," Brittany says. She's our oldest granddaughter. So much life is in that one's eyes. She is the spitting image of you when you were young. It's hard to look at her now and not see you.

We've been blessed. Our three kids Liam, Makenna, and Paul. Each one a little more of a blessing than the last, and they gave us the most beautiful grandchildren anyone could ask for; Brittany, Bentley, Iris, Gretchen, Adam, Liam Jr., and Ethan. And in turn, two of those made us great-grandparents to Alec and Lilly. I'll never forget the look in your eyes when we found out. The love that poured out of your soul was remarkable. If only I could have grabbed my camera, but it's been stored away for safekeeping because I can't keep my damn hands steady anymore.

"Well, you're going to have to forgive an old, eighty-nine year-old man if he has holes in his memory. But, if one thing is for certain, I remember everything and anything about my Bella." Your name still falls off my tongue as it was the first time I said it.

My back is still turned, not wanting to see the sadness in their eyes. I've had enough of their damn pity and I want to be left alone. But, talking about you makes you seem alive again.

I take a drink of my coffee and settle into my chair. I tell them about how much I loved you from afar and how you had no clue in this universe who I was. I explained to them how much I cared about you and how you never left my thoughts. Telling them in detail about how exquisite you were, the most beautiful thing that had ever walked the face of this earth and you were mine. I reminisced about how I found you again, and went into detail about my plan to get you to notice me and how it worked. I detailed about how I almost lost you after than first showing. I pointed to the pictures and explained to them that's why they were boxed up. I told them about my tattoos and how my body was your canvas. Every part of me was yours, and how yours was mine.

I close my eyes and out of habit, rub my finger. I remember back to the day when everything fell into place.

"_So what do you say? Will you marry me?" I ask; a little nervous when you didn't answer the first time I said it. _

"_You fool, of course I will." You turn toward me, still naked from the night before. You're simply stunning in nothing but my ring on your finger._

_You kiss me hard and deep, "Holy fuck, Edward – we're getting married." You squeal and I stand up only to have you pull me down on the bed._

"_You have no idea …" tears are welling up in my eyes. I'm finally going to get the girl of my dreams. _

Those next three months were a whirlwind of activities. Anything and everything you could imagine was planned. Emmett, God rest his soul, went out and became an ordained minister. I laugh at the memory.

"_Hello you sexy people," Emmett shouts as he enters our apartment. It's covered in everything wedding. Lucky for Bella, Rose has taken over as our wedding planner. She's a little aggressive but when she sees Emmett, she mellows out thank god. That's why we constantly want him around. Sure, we appreciate her help, but damn woman – or man – whatever …we need a break._

"_What's up, man?" I fist bump him as he twirls in front of us. He kicks a magazine out of Bella's hand and she huffs. _

"_I was looking at that, thank you very much. Stupid fuckface," she fumes. _

"_Well, there is one thing you should know. It wouldn't be right to have a Justice of the Peace to wed you both, so…..I took it upon my handsome self," – Rose chimes in with an 'Amen' – "to be an ordained minister." He broadens his chest and puffs it out. "I will be taking care of the ceremony. It's going to be fabulous." He nods as I look at Bella and her jaw is currently hitting the floor. _

"_No, Emmett. Really?" she whispers out. _

"_Yes, my darling, blushing bride. Please close that mouth, it's not ladylike. I really don't want to see where little Edward hangs out during special times of the month." With that he winks and moves to sit next to Rose, nuzzling her cheek. _

_I look over at Bella and she does the same to me. I throw that damn wedding book across the room and scoop her up. _

"_Fuck this shit, Edward." She whispers, as she grabs my cheeks, looking into my eyes. _

"_You're reading my mind again. It's kind of creeping me out." I look straight back at her. _

"_You wanna do this?" She asks me and I nod. _

"_Now and forever?" She asks again. _

"_We're crazy like that." I smile against her mouth. _

"_You're stuck with me until we become fossils, you know that right?" She kisses me gently back._

"_Emmett," I ask, and I'm answered with a moan. I look over at him and he's devouring Rose's face. _

"_Emmett," Bella yells louder this time and he finally pulls his lips away. _

"_What?" he sighs. _

"_Do it," I say. _

"_Jesus, do what? I'm sorry but if you want a free porn show, it's not going to happen. What Rose and I do behind closed doors should not be seen. It's intimate and loving …" _

"_Marry us …now." Bella says, as she slides down off of me, and walks toward him. _

"_You two are foolish. You have no rings …" I cut him off when I pull the rings out of the side table drawer that I'm standing next to._

"_Done," I smile sheepishly. _

"_You have no flowers, your parents aren't in attendance, nobody is here to witness it," he starts marking all these points off on his fingers one by one. _

"_Would you shut up, Emmett, we don't give a rat's ass about petals or white dresses or tuxedos or bowties. I want to marry that man over there. It's been too long and we've wasted enough time. Just freaking put on your fancy little Jewish hat and do it already. Christ, is it that hard." My Bella actually stomps her foot. _

"_You two are incorrigible," he huffs and then smiles. _

"_Hold that thought," Bella yells as she starts digging through her closet. After a few minutes, she steps out in a white nighty. _

"_You're kidding me right?" I laugh and she shrugs. _

"_Well, fair is fair." I unbutton my jeans and pull them off; leaving me in my black boxer briefs. _

"_Winning!" Bella fist pumps in the air, and I see a nipple slip out. I quickly tuck it back in and hug her. _

_The wedding was officially unofficial. We didn't have a wedding license, or a bible. We said our vows, and the rings were blessed on a People Magazine. We did add our own touch though. After we said our 'I do's' and promised each other that we would love one another for forever and a day – we made it official at the courthouse that following Monday. That afternoon, we hit the local tattoo shop and had our 'real', unofficial wedding date, tattooed on our fingers, at the insistence of Bella, my wife._

"_You know, this is a perfect idea. Because, when we are old and gray and our knuckles get chunky …we will still have our rings on no matter how jacked up we get." She smiled at me as the artist placed our real wedding date on our fingers. _

"_You know, I don't give a shit what's on that paper, our wedding was days ago. That's the only one I care about." I hug her as we walk out of the studio._

That was the best fucking night ever. I'll always remember that.

"You kids will never ever understand the power of that woman." I shake my head as my eyes fill with tears. "I'm going to tell you something, and please listen to this old man. Once you find your love, don't forget it, don't give up on it – because one day – it will come back and smack you in the face. You have to hold on to it, chase it, and don't let it get away. The love I had for your grandmother was a once in a lifetime love. I've done my time and I wouldn't change anything about it, not one, single minute.

She loved deeply, and I fell in.

She was mine, and nobody else's. I miss her, every day."

I push tears off my cheeks, and continue on telling them about our life.

We are all silent for a bit too long. I hear sniffles around the room, mixing with my own and I refuse to look at my kids and their kids and their kids. They don't understand the pain in my heart. When they say that you can't die from a broken heart, they were full of the utmost shit. Those people never knew what love was, or have never felt it. I feel it in my bones, deep in myself; and in my heart and in my mind.

I lost my better half.

"Grandpa," Adam asks, and I nod in acknowledgement. "Can you tell us more? I always loved hearing about you and Granny B growing up. That was a story that I never heard though." I hear him chuckle and I smile. "You two have such a history. It should be written in a book or something. How you loved her for so long, then lost track of her, then found her, and then kept her." He takes a breath and exhales. "It's something everyone in this world needs to hear. To let people know that true love does exist, and when people loved, they really loved. You know?"

"Oh, Adam, I know." I laugh because I know where he's going with this.

"So, do you mind Grandpa …if I record this?" He's nervous, I can tell.

"Why the hell not? You all are taking it away from me anyways, now aren't cha." I don't care if I'm bitter and hateful.

I'm not leaving here. Until my last breath, I'll rot in this home. My home, _our _home.

"Dad, we aren't doing it to be mean, you just need someone with you." Makenna says quietly.

"Bullshit." I lash out. "I had someone with me and she isn't here anymore now is she? Hmmm? I want to go where she is. This is our home and I refuse to take one step out of it without her." I slump in my seat. I need a damn nap.

I look over at the coffee sitting in the chair and close my eyes, opening them with more memories flooding my sight.

"You can record, Adam," he was always our little bookworm, just like his grandmother and mother. Whenever you seen him, his face was deep in literature. He always spoke about crap I had no idea of, but I gave him the head nod, and reassured him that he was great.

"That's funny GG, because it's been recording the whole time." Alec laughs, as I hear his mother smack the back of his head. _Good, serves him right._

"How come we never knew Mom's side of the family, Dad?" Liam asks, and I cringe. Still to this day those people are evil. May they rot in hell for eternity.

"They were bad people that hurt your Mom so much. They used her for her name, tried to gain recognition from me, and abused the people they supposedly loved the most. Your mother didn't want them influencing you kids in any way, and I couldn't blame her. When you came into our lives Liam …" I trailed off when another memory hit me. I let the words fall from my lips like they were yesterday.

_I was away in a war zone taking picture after picture for almost six months. I rarely get to talk to Bella and it was killing me. I needed these pictures, because they were part of a new piece I was creating called, 'What's it Worth__ should it be a question? '__ It was supposed to show what our freedom costs us every day. I've traveled to different Military bases, and it eventually brought me over here to the Middle East. It's a culture shock to say the least. The things I have witnessed over in this part of the world, I don't think a photo can really tell the story. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, well that isn't enough words to cover it. _

_I'm leaving tomorrow, finally going home to my wife. I miss her kisses, her hugs. Whenever we do talk, we play the "give me a word and I'll sing you a lyric." I know it's her way of distraction because she worries, a lot. I can't say as I blame her, because I worry about her, too. Whenever I go into the green zone, I try to Skype her whenever it was available. But nine times out of ten, it wasn't. _

_I let my head fall to the makeshift bed that I've had for so many months, trying to fall asleep but it doesn't come. I think about the conversation we had about kids, right before I left. I know something was on her mind but she wouldn't tell me. I just hope when I step off that plane tomorrow, she'll still feel the same way. We both want kids, a lot of them. I want to hold a baby that Bella and I created out of love so much that it kills me. Even though being here is for our future, I feel like it's wasted time. _

I fell asleep that night, crying over something I had no idea was already in the works.

"_Get me off this plane." I mumble, and the lady in front of me turns and gives me a dirty look. _

"_Sorry, I just haven't seen my wife in six months and I'm a little excited." I bounce on my toes. _

_Just one row left. _

"_I understand, but no need to be push young man," she huffs. _

_I stay silent, thinking it's the best way. She seems like a big enough bitch that she would be extra slow just out of spite. _

_When I finally step out of the plane and onto the tarmac, I breathe in the thick air – welcoming it. I jog over to the stairs and take them two at a time. I rush throughout the gates and make my way to baggage claim quickly. The escalator ride down was quick considering I was bobbing and weaving to get to Bella quicker. _

_The buzzer rings, signaling the bags to begin their ride on the carousel, and to be picked up. Luckily, mine is the one of the first ones to come shooting out of the little hole and I snag it and briskly walk to the sliding doors. I step out and look to my left and then to my right. I look back left and that's when I see her, Bella. I take off running only to stop short when I see her wobble a little. _

"_Bella – what the …what's going on?" I question. _

_I see her belly, rounded in a place that wasn't there when I left. I look up to her face and I see a smirk adorning her features. _

"_Welcome home, Daddy." She smiles. _

"_When did this happen?" I look into her eyes and I see tears. _

"_I found out right before you left. I was going to tell you, but I wanted you to have a clear head over there. It was bad enough with me; I could only imagine what it would have been like for these little guys." She pats her belly and looks back up at me. _

"_Twins?" I choke out and I drop to my knees._

"_Yep, a boy and a girl," she smiles covering my hands with hers that are splayed out on her stomach. _

"_How far along are you?" I ask._

"_Six months, almost seven." She says quietly._

"_You mean you stopped …oh my God." I cry and I stand up and hug her to me. "I love you and I've missed you so much." _

"_Edward, I love you and missed you too. I can't wait to tell you all about the munchkins, but that will only be possible if you let me breathe." She laughs. _

_We load the cab with my bags, and make our way back into the city; my hand never leaving her stomach. _

That was a great day. Getting my life back in order, getting you back, and then the thought of two babies coming in a matter of weeks, had my head spinning.

We decided our studio apartment wasn't going to be big enough, so we decided to move upstate. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't our humble abode that we had become accustomed to. I kept that apartment though for years, used it as studio. I was there when I got that phone call the babies were coming.

"_I swear to God, Edward, get em' out," she whimpered to me as she squeezed my hand._

"_Bella, it can't be that bad." I cringed as she clawed at me. _

"_Not that bad, fuck you. I've got two mammals trying to claw their way out of a hole that used to be your playground. Ha! Ha! Have fun feeling anything like the merry-go-around ever again, fucker. Strap these bad boys to you and tell me how it feels to pee them out," she screams, and I try to calm her down as another contraction hits. _

It wasn't too long after, that our little Liam and Makenna joined us. I have never cried so much joy in my life. You gave me children. My love grew ten-fold that afternoon. I thought I knew what love was, but I was mistaken. A child loving you, when they have no idea who you really are, it's a gift, and I cherished it. I still cherished you every moment I could …even when I was dodging peas and carrots. We made it work, and it was memorable. That was until we got the unexpected, and were graced with Paul's presence.

I swear, if we would have had him first, we wouldn't have had any more children. Now that, my friends and family is a true story. We wouldn't change it though. He was a blessing as were the other two. I stayed around and didn't leave that time. I think I knew Bella was pregnant before she did. I remembered how she was with the twins. I giggled because I knew her secret before her.

I take a drink of my coffee, and move to get up.

"Here grandpa, I got it." I nod in appreciation.

"Thank you. You're mother and I did the best we could to raise you all correctly." I say quietly.

"Dad, I just have to say," Paul's voice carries through the house like it's on a megaphone. It's always been that way. "I don't think any of us would complain about our childhood. To me, they were the best anyone could have asked for. You and Mom, Godamn it, Dad …you both made growing up magical and every, single day special." I hear the tears in his voice. "We want to just be able to repay you for what you gave us all our lives. Mom made me promise when I took over the company I would put family first and that's what I'm doing. I'm putting you first."

Yes, Bella, I still can't believe you gave the company to Paul. Sure, he's making it strive and flourish, but he's doing exactly what you used to do. You ran a tight ship and he's steamrolling it the same way. You would be proud if you could have remembered.

"You rode a bike for her didn't you? I remember that." Adam pipes in.

"Yep, that's how I found your grandma again." I pull up my pant leg, "I still got legs of steel from riding it all those years." I smile. I feel someone tap my shoulder and a cup of coffee is placed in my hands again.

"Thank you." I say and I feel a kiss on the cheek.

I don't like it, even though I know it's from one of our own. I want yours there. I miss those sweet gentle kisses you used to give me. Don't get me wrong, I miss those passionate ones too, but the gentle ones were my favorite. You always poured so much into them.

I love you, and I miss you.

I miss your damn song lyrics that still filtered through your head whenever the perfect time arose for them. You always made me laugh with them.

"So, before Grandpa goes and takes a nap …what else do you spoiled brats want to know?" I take another sip and I hear whispers all around.

"The pictures, why hide them?" Makenna asks.

"Those were before our life started, and what almost ended it." I say no more about it because what lies in those boxes, are truly my most prized possessions. I look over at Makenna and she's holding my favorite one; the picture of you in bed, holding your necklace; naked, and blissed from our night together.

"Give me that!" I shout at her and she almost drops it. She quickly places it in my hands and I hold it to me.

"You don't get to touch this." I sneer under my breath. I turn to them and look at all their faces. Pity, sadness, hope, love …I see it all there in their expressions.

"Any more?" I question again. This time there are no more words.

"Well, before you try to take an old man out of his home, I'm going to go enjoy a nap one last time in my own bed." I huff as I push myself up from the chair. My bones crack and my muscles pull from sitting too long.

I slowly walk up the stairs and push open our bedroom door. I can still smell your fragrance that filters though this room. It brings me peace, knowing that you were here not too long ago.

I step over to your side of the bed and lean the picture of you against the headboard.

I still sleep on my side of the bed, as I slide over the covers, grabbing your pillow and nuzzling my nose into it. Your scent is faint, but it brings me comfort.

I drift off into my afternoon nap and I dream peacefully for once.

It doesn't seem like too long before I hear my name fall from your lips. I've tried to dream about you, but it has always fallen short.

"Edward." I hear you clearer this time and my eyes open to bright sunshine, filtering in the room.

"Would you get up, lazy ass," I hear your laugh and it brings a smile to my face.

"Bella." I say into the open space and sit up. The thing is, I sit up quickly and glance around the room and I notice that things are exactly the same as when I saw them last, but when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror attached to the dresser, I see my younger-self staring back at me. I touch my face, not believing what I'm seeing.

"Believe it, handsome." I follow the sound of your voice and I see you sitting on the window ledge through the reflection of the mirror. It's a younger version of you also, and you look so gorgeous. There is a glow about you and it's mesmerizing.

"_Come to my window, crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon. Come to my window, I'll be home soon."_

Your melodic voice carries through the room. There it is, one of the things I've been missing.

"What's happening?" I look at her confused. She looks over my shoulder and I turn around and follow her gaze.

I see my old, worn and weathered body lying there, and I reach out to touch it but it doesn't connect. I spin back around to look at her.

"It's time to come home, Edward." She smiles and walks towards me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"This is our home." I say quickly, shaking my head.

"I love you, Edward. Do you remember what I said to you the night before I left?"

"To have a little faith in you," I smile, but it's quickly turned to sadness.

"I didn't want to leave you that night, it was so hard, but you holding me like that made it easier." She smiles and kisses me and I feel alive again. She pulls back, "I had to leave and get ready for you. I promised you we wouldn't be apart for long again, no matter what happened." I nod moving to kiss her again.

"Well, it's time to come with me and see what I've been doing since you've been sitting down here being a stubborn man, like always." She laughs.

"The kids, they are all here." I move to step around her but she holds me in place.

"They will be fine. They know this is what you wanted; to be here with me." She takes a hold of my hand. "I was watching you know. I noticed what our sneaky Adam was doing." She rubs my arms. "You will be proud of him. And I'm also so proud of Paul, too.

I know I wasn't there in my mind, but I know now. Damn, it sucked when I couldn't remember, but, I always remembered your touch. I remembered your smell; it always brought me back a little bit, but I didn't tell you because I couldn't."

I nod and look at her beauty, pushing the hair off of her shoulder. "I missed you so much." I kiss her and pull away.

"No matter what happened, you were always _Cooler Than Me_, you know." I laugh.

"I know." She nods, "That's the title of Adam's novel; it is _our_ biography. He showed the world our love and it made him famous. He's talented you know. It's nice to know even though we are gone – we really aren't. He did something that kept our spirit alive. Our love will never die."

"I know."

"We need to go, Edward.

"It's calling."

"What's calling?" I question.

"Our forever and a day."

She winks and takes my hand and I turn it over and kiss hers.

Never in my life did I think I would have met someone like my Bella, and now, she is mine forever. I look down at my hand and the tattoo is no longer faded, but bright, new ink once again. The numbers shown proudly – no longer bled together from age.

This is the beginning of a whole new world for us, and I get to start it with her by my side.

_The End._

* * *

_**A/N: *opens door to my bunker* Please don't shoot me! *throws hands up in surrender*. Please remember – these two had a roller coaster type of love. They had the good – the bad – and the ugly. I felt like it ended the way I needed it to. Closure. This story was a complete emotional journey for me. It was honestly one of the toughest one to write for me. I hope I captured every emotion I needed to and felt and poured it onto the pages. **_

_**I want to thank each and every one of you who have read and a special thank you to the ones who has reviewed. They meant so much to me. They were my encouragement for finishing this story. **_

_**A very heart filled thank you goes out to SunflowerFran – without you woman – this story wouldn't be as much as it is. **_

_**Another one goes out to Witchywoman – your constant encouragement was very much needed when times got tough and I wanted to give up. **_

_**MUAH to the both of you. **_

_**Thank you all for your support!**_


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